Magix 'n' Curses.. the argument continues

The perils of being an Indian cricket fan (or something to that effect)

2012-01-04T21:34:00.001+05:30

It's days like these that make me appreciate the inherent brilliance of limited overs cricket. You can get mauled all day, but at least the carnage is over at the end of day's play.

For the second day in a row, I slept past midnight and woke up at five. Makes me wonder if it's worth all the trouble and if I should just switch that alarm off before I go to bed. But I'm sure I'll find myself waking up in the middle of the night, switching that alarm back on with a look of shame on my face.

Even as the Aussies went about their business this morning, from 5 AM to 7 AM, my face fell in slow motion. I was looking so grumpy by the time the umpires called lunch that my mom didn't even ask me her usual morning question - "iniku gym pogalaya?"

I dragged myself to the gym with a long face. Considering how round I've become, it was probably a slightly oval face. By the time I hit the elliptical trainer, play (read: torture) resumed. That's when I had the worst brainwave ever. I decided, in a rather twisted way, to hedge my happiness. For every easy double they ran, for every boundary they hit, I was going to push myself harder. I figured if we get tonked around, I might as well lose weight in the process.

35 excruciating minutes (of watching India bowl and going full tilt on the bloody elliptical) later, I realised I'd only doubled my self-inflicted punishment. Yes, yes, I need help, I know. In the middle of all this, Punter had reached that elusive three-figure mark. Given that I hate his guts, was that triple punishment?

In case you didn't know already, my hatred for Ricky Ponting is so extreme, even I find it a tad unfair. His talent, I've grudgingly acknowledged. But him, I loathe with every fibre of my being. His perpetually surly face, his overt aggression, his constant spitting, his annoying smirk as he takes position at silly point without a helmet, the fact that he decimated a nation's morale on that fateful night in March 2003, his arrogant gesture to Sharad Pawar to hand over the Champions Trophy, his general in-your-face attitude.. none of this has helped his cause either.

I was enjoying the pressure India was putting on him post lunch. His 97 to 99 took a while, and there he remained for a little while longer. As he knocked one down to mid-on in search of a quick single, our man Sachin went screaming across the turf to deny him that single. It was almost a "yaam petra inbam..." moment. I chuckled nervously. To my dismay, I realised that a small part of me actually wanted him to take that single.

When he did get that run, complete with a desperate full-length dive, I found myself applauding. When he took an extra second or so to get up, you could almost sense the wave of numb relief wash over him. Clarke was finding the situation hilarious, Ian Gould was laughing along, Ishant had his hands on his head with a "What have I done?" expression - but all eyes were on Punter as he looked down at his soiled shirt, removed his helmet and raised his bat. There was childlike glee in his eyes as he wore an an almost embarrassed smile on his face. That expression made him look almost... human.

Hate it when that happens.

As my friend pointed out, when they shed their arrogance, you realise they have the potential to be likeable. He'd experienced the same when he read McGrath's book.

Right. That's one book off my to-read list.

Tum Ko - Rockstar

2011-10-03T22:26:00.001+05:30

The first time I listened to the album, I remember allowing a thought to flit through my mind - that Tum Ko was probably the only weak link in an otherwise near flawless album. Rahman, as he has done innumerable times before, proved just how wrong I was. If there is one thing I'm thankful for, it's my habit of looping the entire album instead of looping specific songs. The sudden "aha" moments that you encounter from the least expected places are what I live for. Such instances are what makes listening to Rahman such a joy. From "weak link", Tum Ko has risen rather swiftly in my estimation. I wouldn't be too surprised if it ends up becoming my favourite track of the album within a week.

RGV (in a rather brilliant piece on Rahman) had once observed that Rahman's orchestration seems to rise from the depth of the singer's voice. I could see what he was talking about in Tum Ko. The soft strings in the background, as Kavita Subramaniam croons the first few lines in a breathy voice, give way to the absolutely divine sarangi. For a very brief moment her voice branches out from the sarangi as she continues to hum along. Sheer magic.

There's something about the sarangi that allows it to bypass normal channels (of being processed by the brain) and finds its way straight to your heart. (insert predictable pun on marketing it to the West as heartstrings)

And those tablas. How does Rahman make them sound so unique? Remember the brilliantly placed tabla bits in Kilimanjaro? I'd developed a sort of aversion to tablas as I got increasingly frustrated with the tedious dinkchak beats in hindi music through the 90s. But under his helm, they seem to have their own quirks, their own character almost. The flourishes in Tum Ko have a mind of their own as they stop and start without warning. If that interlude hadn't knocked you breathless yet, Rahman throws in (or simulates) a panflute for good measure. Out for the count. I could play this song on an unending loop just for this interlude.

Her tremendous vocal depth carries the song along to the end. The way each line is completed without allowing it to taper away, the way the full depth of her voice kicks in as it hangs in the air for a fraction of a second longer than you expect it to... makes me wish I'd learnt music just to be able to appreciate it better. And to know what to say :)

Phir Se Udd Chala - Rockstar

2011-10-02T16:23:00.002+05:30

So beautifully layered is Phir Se Udd Chala, that listening to it is a bit like watching a video of someone peeling an onion in rewind mode. (Sans the disturbing image of tears going back into your tearglands, of course)

The soul of the song is in the Kashmiri chant. Innocent, sweet, unhurried. Rahman takes his own time to get the song on its way. First the guitar riff wraps around it closely followed by Mohit Chauhan's breezy vocals to kick off a process of adding layer upon layer. And with each new layer, a sense of urgency creeps in and Mohit's singing starts gathering momentum - almost like a plane taxiing on a runway before takeoff. A female voice tells you where the exits are ("Teri ore") - ok, sorry, couldn't resist!

Aaaaaannnndddd... take off!

Once off the ground, the percussion takes over from Mohit to provide the perception of acceleration, while he eases the throttle preparing for cruise mode with his Tu tu du's. And just as you decide to push your seat back, pull the in-flight magazine and think about calling the stewardess for a bag of peanuts, the Kashmiri girls return to inform you that your flight has reached its destination.

Whaaaa... Heyy.. No fair!

The Dichotomy of Fame - Rockstar

2011-10-02T16:21:00.004+05:30

Indigo waves splash across canvas from the guitar strums. Purple blobs of passion pulsate from the shehnai. Light blue wisps of the guitar (reminescent of the Piano bits of Himalaya) waft ever so softly, encircling them both. The shehnai assumes a chirpier tone as bold pink strokes swish across.

The soaring shehnai fights to render the horizon with a soft glow even as the guitar deepens the blue almost to a black. A chime sweeps across, dotting the darkening canvas with little sparkles.

What you are left with, as you look on with a contented smile, is The Dichotomy of Fame.

Or a twilight sky.

Aur Ho - Rockstar

2011-10-02T16:21:00.003+05:30

As Suresh had put so beautifully in his review of Rockstar, Rahman's melodies are so shockingly radical in their structure, that your brain tries to find a hook, a groove, a pattern from the previous line, anything to cling on to. Something to provide stability to your musical orientation as you blindly bump into unexpected instruments, sudden silences or the last note you'd expect at that point.

Your brain frantically searches for something familiar to regain equilibrium. And that is probably why the first listening of a Rahman soundtrack is usually an exercise in trying to find out if you've heard that tune in any of his songs before. Once you recognise a similarity, your mind is instantly at ease. You venture into discovering the song with renewed courage. Five listenings or so later, you forget you'd even established a similarity with a previous song. And that it is actually quite different from the previous song.

"Discovery of a Rahman song" should be scientifically studied some day :) But let me not digress any further.

What I'd mentioned above is exactly what I went through with Aur Ho too. The 30 second promo had my ears prickling. After about 5-6 seconds of apprehension, my brain attempted to pull a rabbit out of the hat. Could it be "Mudhalum mudhalum nee mudivum mudivum nee" from Thaiyya thaiyya? No wait.. Bhanjar hai sab bhanjar hai from Mera Yaar Milade Saiyyan (Saathiya)", it said, "Yes yes, that's what it sounds like". And almost instantly my mind felt lighter. 30 second teasers are the best gifts you could give a Rahmaniac, it's almost like net practice!

The full version is an absolute treat. As Alma Ferovic's hum/chant twists and glides its way in, the stage is set for Mohit Chauhan to exhibit his versatality yet again. There's a quality in his voice that lends itself beautifully to express pain. In Khoon Chala (RDB) it felt like a helpless lament. In Aur Ho, it fluctuates between a numb acceptance of pain and a determined cry to break away from it.

The trance-like quality of the Aur Ho chant sends a shiver down your spine. Well, at least it did to mine! The line "Meri bebasi... ka bayaan hai" assumes an anthemic nature as Alma's humming steps up a notch in fervour. Sufi Rock, it may be, but that doesn't stop Rahman from making a flute weave in and out to accentuate the emotion.

You wouldn't want to listen to this as a single in isolation. The haunting soundscape and the brooding menace in the vocals fill you with disquiet. But the pensive silence that would follow could be even more unnerving.

Sheher Mein - Rockstar

2011-10-02T16:19:00.000+05:30

I think it'd be unfair to the music if I tried to review the album in one go. It would be equally unfair to the readers (yes, all 3 of you!) to read 14 pages of superlatives. So whenever a song evokes any kind of imagery in my head, I'm going to try putting it up here. Individually. First up - Sheher Mein.

I don't consider myself a hindi pundit. Heck, not even a Prathmik/Madhyama case. At best, a shade better than Ek Gaon Mein Ek Kissan. And even I found it easy to grasp the context of Sheher Mein from Rockstar. In the midst of epics of massive proportions, this is a shiny little gem that, I hope, won't go unnoticed.

A typical, cliched bollywood song recording in progress. Full dinkchak only. Person 1 teaches the lead how the song goes. Cue surprise #1 : Karthik! Raised on a staple of Rahman masterpieces, he must have been tickled pink to be forced to sing in such a stereotypical manner. Rahman had once famously asked Karthik to "sing like a Saxaphone" to evoke the mood. I'm pretty sure ARR played him a video clipping of Udit Narayan's recording and gave him the following brief:

"Smile wide. Oscillate your body along an arc turning 18 degrees left, then 18 degrees right. Keep your hand in a 'kya baat hai' pose. Dhinkchak start. Right, you're all set to sing the following lines!"

And Karthik does exactly that as Rahman pulls off a little Jatin Lalit - Udit Narayan number from the 90s. Cue surprise #2: Mohit Chauhan, in the voice of the lead, refuses to conform and goes off on a tangent. The music director in the movie (I assume) very politely tells him that the tune "is a wee bit off".

Tararara *doof*
Tararara *taaak*
Tararara *doof*
Phir se sun lena

Rahman then decides to turn up the cliche meter to full tilt (bring on the tablas!). And what better way to do that than invoking the spirit of Abhijeet. Listen to "Chitti daali thi aaoonga main tere ghar" with your eyes closed, you'll understand what I'm talking about!

Haaye haaye haaye lyrics to dhoom machadega UP Bihar mein!

This song is a case study of Rahman's genius. With Karthik, he gives you the typical bollywood number (4 lines one tune, next 4 lines same tune), and with Mohit, he opens up your mind to possibilities beyond the banal. Let loose with a license to go wild, Rahman makes Mohit sing each line with at least 4 variations. At one point, the lead loses himself in the music, and just as he realises what he's doing - Cue: The Mohit Chauhan special chuckle! (remember Masakkali?)

The music director in the movie tries one last time to yank it back to his comfort zone. The director (again, I assume) is pleased as punch.

Wah wah wah wah reeee.. kya ringtone banega!

Naah, forget it. We're in for a Rahman special for the remainder. It's almost as if he takes the hook lines of his songs as his life's philosophy (Break the rules/Lose control/I wanna be free)

Whattey beauty, ARR! Thank you, Imtiaz Ali!

Hello.. hello.. ello.. lo...

2011-10-02T16:13:00.001+05:30

Straight out of a movie, this feels like.. like entering a dilapidated old house that was once full of life.
Spooky :)

Beware of Airtel - 4

2009-05-02T14:40:00.004+05:30

This was when I decided enough was enough.

The story until now:
Beware of Airtel - Prologue
Beware of Airtel - 1
Beware of Airtel - 2
Beware of Airtel - 3

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Dated: 24th April, 2009

Guess what?
My problem still isn't resolved.

And guess what? "Due to security reasons", I wasn't allowed to talk to Mr. Mehul. This time, I spoke to someone called Krishna who was the "Group Manager" (I don't understand the hierarchy at all). He said I have no other option but to go to an Airtel Gallery and submit the documents.

So much for Mr. Prashanth's commitment that I don't have to visit an ARC, and so much for Mr. Mehul's "100% assurance" that my problem will be resolved and he'll get back to me.

And to make matters worse, your customer care number 98920 98920 is NOT toll free. I called them up from my Chennai number (98405 xxxxx) last night, and my balance went from 100+ to 0. I had to call them from a friend's number now. I can pay my friend whatever that call cost him. But who's going to reimburse me for calling from my roaming number?

I was initially just frustrated, now I'm furious. I've been on roaming for the last 3 days.

As of now, that darned sim card has cost me over Rs. 400. It has also taken up a lot of my time - time which I could have spent productively on my project. Looks like Airtel is not just going to cost me money, it's just going to rob me of a PPI/PPO. Thank you so much.

I don't want to speak to "group managers" and "team leads" of the customer care anymore. I'd like to speak to someone much higher up. Technically, I shouldn't still be made to talk to anymore people.

And I'd like SOMEONE to actually take accountability for this. I'm sick of listening to customer care executives constantly passing the buck on to someone else and shirking responsibility under the worst possible excuse called "security reasons".

Harish

Beware of Airtel - 3

2009-05-02T14:30:00.002+05:30

This was a mail I'd sent later on the same day (April 23rd)

The story until now:
Beware of Airtel - Prologue
Beware of Airtel - 1
Beware of Airtel - 2

-------------------------

More updates:

Called at 4.15 PM. I was told by the guy who picked up the phone that he cannot connect me to Ms. Kaveri "for security reasons" :)
I told him to connect me to whoever was his supervisor, so I got Mr. Mehul on the line.

I finally have a tangible update. I apparently have a complaint number now!
It's 0421499011. He has given me "100% assurance" that my outgoing facility will be up and running by 4.30 PM tomorrow.

Cheers,
Harish

Beware of Airtel - 2

2009-04-28T16:15:00.001+05:30

This was my second mail to my friend. He promptly forwarded it to the people concerned. Nope, no responses then too.

Before you read this, do scroll down and read the 1st two posts in this series.
Or click the links below:
Beware of Airtel - Prologue
Beware of Airtel - 1

Take the patience you display as you read through that epic rant and multiply it by 121. That's how much patience I've had to exhibit so far. Not anymore.

So here's mail 2!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
23rd April, 2009

I called up customer care as they didnt get back to me by 1 PM as they'd committed.

Mr. Prashanth, the team lead, had told me last night that I'd get a message from Airtel regarding the status on both my numbers (Mumbai and Chennai) by 1. If I didn't receive a message by then, I could call up customer care and ask for him. I gave them a leeway of 45 minutes after 1 and then called. Mr. Prashanth, to no surprise in retrospect, wasn't on the floor because it wasn't his shift. Though I appreciate his gesture of trying to be personally accountable, I think the gesture would make a lot more sense if the accountability is taken when he is actually at work!

I reached Ms. Kaveri, the escalation officer. She, as usual, asked me to visit an Airtel Gallery. I explained why that's not possible and how Mr. Prashanth had given me a committment. She tried to reach him over his personal contact number and said he wasn't picking up the phone. When I asked her if there was any reply from Mahim office to the mail Mr. Prashanth sent them yesterday, she said they haven't replied yet. I thought my previous job in IT paid me most for the least work, but I guess these guys sitting in Mahim office have a better deal. They seem to get paid for doing no work at all. I can't help but be judgemental about these folks.

Ms. Kaveri told me she could raise a complaint from her end, with a lead time of 9 hours. I asked her how she could claim accountability, when in 9 hours, her shift would be over and she'd be long gone. She didn't have a reply to that. I've given her until 4 PM to reach Mr. Prashanth and get back to me.

That's all for the current status update. Further bulletin as events warrant!

cheers,
Harish

Beware of Airtel - 1

2009-04-28T12:10:00.001+05:30

This was the first mail I'd sent to them. It was more of a blog post than a complaint mail. Old habits die hard! :)

I also realise that I shouldn't have written those last lines. That just gave them a license to take me for granted. Hence this series of posts.

Scroll down, or click here to read the Prologue.

Re-Reminder: Inviting write ups from anyone who has faced an issue with Airtel that was handled badly or left unresolved.
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To whomsoever it may concern,
Why do you wish to test a customer's loyalty? No seriously, why?
The following complaint wouldn't look out of place in my blog. Being someone who's been loyal to Airtel over the years, I am doing you a favour and writing this as a mail. I didn't want you to lose more customers because of me. But trust me, with the quality of service you've exhibited, you don't need my help to lose them. You're doing pretty well on your own.

Here's a blow by blow account of what I've had to put up with over the last few weeks. I will have to put a disclaimer at this point that I'm not sure about the exact dates and words uttered.
Frustrate me any further, I may just forget my own name.

6th April 2009
I visited this small retailer called Ronak Electronics in Dadar along with a few other friends. We're temporarily on duty in Mumbai for 2 months and we definitely needed a local sim card. One friend bought Reliance, the other bought Vodafone. I bought Airtel, and got scoffed at. I was told "the service in Mumbai sucks" and that I was making a mistake. But no, I HAD to buy only Airtel. I filled out the enrollment form after being made to wait for about 45 minutes. After I filled it out completely, I was told we needed a local address proof and that it was a new rule. So I agreed to get it the next day.

7th April 2009
My friend who's a Mumbai local gave us a photocopy of his passport that he always carries around with him. He asked us to make more copies from that. Satisfied that we were armed with every document you may need, we went back to Ronak Electronics to submit the documents. I even topped up my unactivated Airtel number with 60 bucks in (foolish) optimism. He promised us that it'll get activated in 15 minutes. Of course it didn't.

8th April 2009
I called up Ronak Electronics in the morning and asked him to activate my card. He said he'd do it at 11 "when the distributor comes".
Of course he didnt.

9th April 2009
I called up Ronak Electronics again in the morning. He said he'll send the SMS asap and that it'll get activated that day itself. No guesses what happened. My frustration'd pretty much touched boiling point. So I called him again in the evening. He had switched his phone off. By the time we left from office and reached his store, he'd already closed and gone.

So I called up customer care and told the guy my predicament. He suggested that going to an Airtel Relationship Centre may help. It was 9.40 PM and I asked him if they'd be open. I was told they'd be open until 10. And what do you know? After walking for 10 minutes, I found myself staring at the shutters. (I found out through your website today that they are only open until 8. Maybe you should rename 121 as "CustomerCareful")

10th April 2009
Enough was enough. After being coolly told by the retailer that the documents will reach the office on Monday only anyway, I took the documents from him, found the nearest Airtel Relationship Centre (the one at Mahim) and submitted the documents myself. I take a service ticket and waited. And waited. And waited some more. After an hour, it was finally my turn. I was told by the lady at the desk that the document had been filled out wrong and that I needed to write the address given in the local address proof. I told her I had an appointment to keep, and asked her if I could sign in the relevant places and if she could fill it out for me. "Of course, sir", I was told, "We wouldn't want to waste your time any further". Finally some customer care, I thought, as I headed out of the office. I was promised activation in 4 hours. I'd waited 72 hours, what was another 4 hours going to be?

11th April 2009
Another 4 hours was going to be 24 hours. My sim still showed no signs of activation. I was at a place pretty far away from Mahim, so I called up Customer (s)care to help me out. I was told in no uncertain terms that there was absolutely NO WAY that the relationship centre could be contacted.
"Don't they have a landline?", I ask.
"No sir, they don't", I'm told.
"Don't you at least have the numbers of the employees who work there?", I enquire.
"Sorry sir, but I'm not authorised to disclose that", is the reply.
"You mean to say they're stand alone offices that have no contact with any of the other Airtel Offices?", I ask exhasperated.
"Yes sir", was the pretty confident sounding reply.

So I go out of my way to the Airtel RC at Mahim. I asked the same lady at the desk why my sim hadnt been activated yet. She went on to explain how it was a 2 phase process and that it was the distributor who still hadn't sent his message to Airtel to confirm the activation. She then asked me if I was sure I submitted the documents. I reminded her that it was she who had checked it the previous day. So while another assistant searched for the documents everywhere, she coolly moved on to the next customer. When the assistant said he couldnt find it anywhere, she turned to me and asked, this time with a hint or irritation in her voice if I was "really sure" I submitted it. I reminded her yet again that it was she who'd agreed to fill the form out herself after getting my signatures. The irritation on her face gave way to realisation. She opened a drawer and found my form.

Still unfilled with only my signatures.

With as much patience as I could muster, I asked her why she hadn't filled it out.
"Sorry sir", she replies, "my ARC (or something like that) got over".
I suppose it meant her shift. It's a pity I don't remember her name. I think it started with an A.

I was promised again that my sim will "definitely be activated in half an hour". I couldn't trust her words after the amount of sloppiness she had displayed. I asked her if there was anyway I could contact them as I couldn't wait there for half an hour. "It will surely be done sir", I was told pretty assertively, "you don't have to worry". I felt uneasy as I walked out of the office. I went back inside and confirmed if there was absolutely no way that Airtel Customer Care could contact them. I was told it was possible by mail. (So which one of your custome service folks gave me wrong info?)

I asked her to send the sms before her shift ended and walked out of the office. In 15 minutes, I received an sms that my number had been activated. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

21st April 2009
No. It isn't over yet!!
I return to Mumbai after having been out of station for a few days. Voila! My outgoing is barred. Whatever number I call, I am greeted with the same message "Your call cannot be completed. Please submit the required documents at the closest Airtel Outlet immediately. Your service will be restored within 24 hours of receiving the documents." And what was, without doubt, the heights of ridiculousness was that I received the same message even when I called 121!

I had to borrow a phone from a person I hardly knew to make a call to 98920 98920. Vinay Ujjwal, the customer service guy (I had learnt my lesson.. I made it a point to take down his name) told me that Airtel still hadn't received the documents and that I should wait for 24 hours so that "backend could check if my documents were there" and my services would be restored. Or better still (!), I could go back to the same Airtel Relationship Centre and tell them my problem!!!
"Can you at least enable me to call customer care from my phone?", I ask.
The assertiveness training that you give your BPO folks works well. I could make that out from his "No, sir". Here's some news for you, it pisses off people too. Saying the same cliched "sympathetic" sentence with not an iota of sympathy, over and over again doesn't help either.("I understand your inconvenience sir".. Yeah. Right.)

I've so far spent 100 bucks on the sim, 60 + 60 on top ups and a further Rs.102 to enable cheap SMSes. I've invested way too much time, effort and money to throw the sim card and go buy a new one.

If this mail doesn't make you folks realise how much you frustrate your customers, if the only solutions you still have to offer are "wait for 24 hours" and "please visit the same Airtel Office".. well.. there's nothing I can do. I'm way too exhausted to take any kind of action. You've successfully managed to plant huge doubts in the mind of a loyal (why am I still using this word?) customer. Congratulations.

No thanks and very little regards,
Harish

Beware of Airtel - Prologue

2009-04-28T11:25:00.002+05:30

I'll be posting a series of problems I faced with Airtel. These are complaint mails I had written to them which (not surprisingly) fell on deaf ears. I'll also be posting the complaints of a few other friends of mine to Airtel. I'm considering creating a separate blog for this and am inviting write ups from anyone who has faced an issue with Airtel that was handled badly or left unresolved. I'd been a loyal customer of Airtel. But not anymore. They've left me pretty disillusioned.

Not only did they take 6 days to activate my sim card, they also went ahead and deactivated my outgoing in a few days on account of "my documents being rejected". Get this, the reason for rejection was because the buggers at Airtel Office, Mahim actually LOST my documents. The careless service executives had also done a worse muck-up a few days earlier. You'll read that on my post. Today, they descended to the cheap depths of rendering even my incoming out-of-service.

All this might have been solved if I just visited an Airtel Gallery (for the nth time) and re-submitted my documents (which they so conveniently lost in the first place). But that would just mean that the whole issue gets swept under the carpet. And no one would take ownership for the problem. There has been absolutely no accountability in Airtel Customer Service. Here is my sincere request to anyone planning to buy a new connection.

Avoid Airtel like the Plague! (Especially if you are in Mumbai.)

I'm prepared to add a new post, or even remove this one*, provided everyone mentioned in the mail calls me up or mails me, and apologises for their pathetic service. I will definitely update this blog as and when I receive ANY form of communication from them. As of now, not a single person from the Mumbai circle has even as much as responded to my mails.

I'd also like to mention my friend at Airtel Chennai who has been trying so hard to reach the right people and get my problem resolved. I'm really grateful to him for all the troubles he's taken to solve a problem that has no connection to him whatsoever.

* Removal of these series of posts entails a resolution of my problem in 48 hours without troubling me in anyway. Of course, the condition of the apology calls/mails stays.

Sugarcube. Sweeeet!

2008-07-14T18:30:00.000+05:30

It's been ages since I went gaga on my blog about a Rahman album, though I was presented with several opportunities to do so in the last coupla years. Here I go again! :)

Sakkarakatti

Taxi Taxi - Benny Dayal, Blaaze, Viviane Chaix, Javed Ali

Whacky. Unfettered. Sheer unadulterated fun. It's like revisiting Bombay Dreams all over again!

Ambient traffic sounds, a lady's voice humming something which is bound to get on your mom's nerves if you try it out at home, a pulsating rhythm... throw in Blaaze's funky rap and you have a winner that's gonna be played on FM stations every other hour.

If Naresh Iyer was the next Karthik, I guess Benny Dayal's the next Naresh. Wish Rahman would make up his mind. :) Or maybe not. His voice has the perfect hint of youthful zest to pull it off.

It's amazing how Rahman structures his songs. The track meanders to a halt, not very unlike a rickety yellow and black ambassador coming to a sputtering stop at a heavy traffic junction, and when you expect it to come to complete halt, Rahman surprises you with the sound of a car starting and the song regains momentum. Brilliant.

Marudhani - Madhushree, AR Rahman, Hentry

It's got the same formula of one other female solo that gained immense popularity. Madhushree's rendition and Rahman humming in the middle.

Rahman plays too tiny a role though. His portion doesn't quite have the punch as Sandai Kozhi (Aayitha Ezhuthu) had. Me slightly disappointed by that. :( But overall, it's the kind of soothing romantic melody that we've (a tad unfairly) come to expect ARR to churn out in every single album. That way, I'm definitely not disappointed!

Public opinion seems to suggest it's the next Munbe Va. Maybe it is.

I Miss You Da - Chinmayi, Indai Haza

Trust Rahman to make you scratch your head when you try to slot his song in a specific genre for your oh-so-meticulously maintained iPod. No seriously, where would you put this song?

An interesting experimentation that takes some repeated listening to grow on you, Rahman puts Chinmayi's vocal acrobatics through some pretty complex hoops! You have Stop-Start beats. You have whispered singing. Before you know it, you have heavy-duty beats and a (soft) high pitch twist that threatens to rip the singer's vocal chords into two.

Patterns be damned. :)

Chinnamma - Benny Dayal, Chinmayee

I was very unsure about this one when I heard Rahman was reusing his hit Meenaxi track. I'm delighted now. :)

I love the way he has adapted it to suit the tamil palate. Benny's spirited effort to match up to pretty high standards Sukhwinder had set in the original and Chinmayi's stylish counterpoints in the middle stanzas stand out. Someone give Rahman an award just for the way he makes the female singers laugh!

After Madhuraiku Pogaadhe Di, ARR threatens to create an all new genre. Classical kuththu! :)

Elay - Krish, Naresh Iyer

What do you get when you throw in a pinch of Roobaroo (RDB), a dash of Adhisaya Thirumanam (Paarthaale Paravasam), a drop of Smiyai (Kandukondaen Kandukondaen), a fistful of resounding orchestration from Vanessa Mae's Choreography, some brilliant guitar riffs and a whole barrel of soul? You get Elay, where the whole is greater that the sum of its parts. Oh, and the old Benny Dayal is back! :)

Currently my favourite in the album (you cannot do without the "currently" word when talking about Rahman albums!), the violin pieces blew my mind. College bands are gonna have a blast with this one at their culturals. God bless their violinist though!

Naan epodhu - Reena Bharadwaj

I love that woman's voice! Why doesn't she sing more often?

I'd always felt Yeh Rishta was pretty underrated. I'm glad Rahman reused the tune. I hope it gets the appreciation it deserves at least this time around.

Verdict:

Would I recommend the album? Nope. Because I'd be busy glowering at you for not having bought it already!

Buttermilk

2008-06-25T03:00:00.001+05:30

Standing opposite Rani Meyyammai girls' school on RK Mutt road, I was once again reflecting deeply on how utterly jobless I was. Those who are friends, have seen my Facebook profile or my gtalk status, please forgive me as I say for possibly the 329th time - jobless, in every sense! Almost all my friends were employed (as e-coolies) or abroad (as Gosh-I'd-Forgotten-How-Hot-India-Gets-I-Need-My-Mineral-Water NRIs in the making!), and here I was, clearly not getting used to unemployment. Now that I'd resigned from Infy, and was no longer getting a salary and having squandered most of my savings on flight tickets (for a good cause! I shall come to that later.), I could no longer afford the conveyance for the well-to-do. Yup, that three-wheeled contraption, with a glass pane covered with Rajni/Ajith/Vijay stickers leaving about as much space as a peephole through which the world of chaos and expletives (popularly known as Chennai traffic) was to be viewed, behind which sat a usually loud mouthed-beedi smoking gentleman whose singular, unwavering justification for hiking the fare by 300% always remained "petrol velai eriduchu, sir", behind which sat a metal box (called an autorickshaw meter) for strictly ornamental purposes, behind which sat a fool who'd beaten down the aforementioned gentleman's quote from 300% to 275% in a weak attempt at a fair bargain, behind which sat a rear engine which generally whined louder than the aforementioned fool. (If I go further back, it might become Panchathanthiram revisited.)

Bored me had to go somewhere. Stingy me was too afraid to shell out non-existent currency notes for a cup of bad coffee in a dimly-lit room masquerading to be a cozy-hangout-for-the-young-and-restless. Clever me decided to hit the beach. But how?

That was when, as I have already once mentioned in my blog, magic happened. I turned. There was a horrible sensation that I was being squeezed through a rubber tube; I could not draw breath, every part of me was compressed almost past endurance and then, just when I thought I would suffocate, the invisible bands burst open, and I was standing in the open, breathing in lungfuls of fresh, salty air. Though the previous statement, an almost word-for-word lift from The Half Blood Prince might suggest I had performed a side-along apparition with about 20 others, the fact remained that I had, in fact, travelled in a 29C bus to Besant Nagar. Ah, it's good to be back in Chennai!

Doubt Debunkers:
1. What's that great escape thing?
The great escape mentioned in the last post was my successful getaway from Bhubaneswar.

2. What are you doing in Chennai?
I had no other place to go well, at least for a week.

3. So where are you going after a week?
To Indore.

4. But why?
IIM beckons

5. What? When did you write CAT?!
November 2007, obviously

6. Why didn't you tell me?
Sorry! But now you know!

7. Who's supposed to be asking all these questions?
The people in my schizophrenic mind. The ones I'm delusional enough to think still read my blog.

8. What the hell is the title supposed to mean?
I'd promised more if you watch this space, hadn't I?

9. What were you doing outside a girls' school?
My aunt lives close by. Promise!

Watch this space for more :)

2008-05-29T00:00:00.001+05:30

Updated 31st May, 2008:
Or not! :(

Staying alive

2007-07-30T00:00:00.000+05:30

Yup. This blog ain't dead yet. Neither am I. (Though I'd say the blog's more alive than I am!)

Those of you who watched Navjot Singh Siddhu gggrrrrriiiiiinnnnndddddd out the West Indian bowling in '97 and thought there can never be a slower or a more boring 200 than that, here's a strong contender.

Me :)

This is my 200th post.

PS.
After more than 2 and a half years, it's been one heck of a journey. Blogging certainly has changed me as a person. It's made a shy recluse open up a bit, talk to people I haven't met before, opened my eyes to the fact that there can be more than one opinion on any issue!!
I owe one to my blog for that. Thankoo!

No, I'm not gonna shut my blog down or anything! Never found the heart to. It'll remain dormantly active, so that I can come and pulambify every once in a while.. and during those rare moments when I get struck by an inspiration, come and post a kadi story!

This was just a useless post in an attempt to catch up with ya all in my comment box :) But it really is my 200th!

Going to Hyd

2007-06-09T19:30:00.000+05:30

Crash Course to Adulthood

2007-05-23T23:00:00.000+05:30

First Week of May:
Afternoonish: Pulambify to friend. "Cha, why are our parents like this? Plane la kootitu poradhu thaan poraanga.. adha oru nenaivu iruka time la kootitu polaam la? 2 yr old ku enna nyabagam irukka pogudhu!"

May 11th:
2 PM - Pulambify to friend. "I don't like this. I'm now officially an adult with no subclauses.
We're now entering the world of resposibilities! I dun wanna!!!"

5 PM - Cousin calls. "I've an urgent work that needs to be done by Tuesday morning. I want you to come to Bangalore pronto!"

6 PM - Cousin calls back. "I've booked your flight ticket. Check your mail!"

6:02 PM - I grin like a maniac.

11:30 PM - Realise I haven't packed yet. An 8 o'clock flight meant I needed to be there at 6:30. Which meant I needed to leave by 5:45 at least.

11:34 PM - Finish packing!

May 12th:
5 AM - Wake up.

5:20 AM - Do something I hope I never have to do again. Have a bath so early!

5:30 AM - Sit on the sofa, twiddling my thumb. Say "6 ku kelambarene ma?"

5:40 AM - Get kicked out of the house.

5:45 AM - Catch auto. Think, "hmmm, 6:30 ku poi saendhudalaam."

6 AM - Autokaaran says "vandhaachu saar!" I was supposed to say WTF, but I'm a good boy you see.. So I don't. :)

The next 20 minutes - Walk up and down outside the gate, looking for any place to wait. Find none. But find Coffee Day! One vaailiye nozhayadha coffee name later, walk up and down again.

6:20 AM - Go to the security guard. He says, "come at 7". I sit on the railing outside the gate.

6:23 AM - A gal sits next to me. Another opposite me. Lucky, you say? One looks as if she'd beat me up. The other blows a smoke ring in my face!

7 AM - After over half an hour of twiddling my thumbs, listening to Radio Mirchi, messaging a coupla friends (bless them for getting up early!), I notice the noticeboard kinda thingy. It says flight delayed to 10:15. Damn!!!

7:10 AM - being the complete idiot that I am, I enter the gate, and lose all modes of entertainment. Continuously playing FM takes a toll on the battery.

The next 50 minutes - Walk up and down the airport!

8:00 AM - Go to the place called Port Lounge. Eat a 5 Re Samosa for Rs.20. Drink a 15 Re Tropicana for Rs.30. Make a mental note to open a shop inside the airport.

8:15 AM - Approach the lady who looks like a wedding cake. You could stick a one-inch nail into her face and still not touch skin! Be told the flight's postponed to 11:30 :( Some technical glitch in Kolkatta. The same plane's supposed to go to Bangalore half an hour after reaching Chennai.

Next one and a half hours - Listen to FM, chat with friends, drain the battery completely and go searching for a charging point.

9:20 AM - Find charging point. Put the converter thingy.*

* I've got a new N72 :) err, not so new now. It uses another charger that's got a tiny pin thingy. So they'd given me a converter that acts like an adapter to use the normal Nokia charger. Made no sense? Free leave!

9:45 AM - Look at the TV screen and rub my eyes in disbelief. Naah, it couldn't have been. Must've been a trick of light. Wait patiently for the update to come again. DAMN! It wasn't an illusion. The flight really was delayed to 18:30!!!!!

The next 15 minutes - Pick up a fight with the SpiceJet people. Argue that a delay of over 8 hours was three much. Insist on a full refund. No subtract 600 bucks and keep the rest in the SpiceJet account shit. Complete refund. Succeed. :)

10 AM - Ask those guys that I need to get to Bangalore ASAP. They say there's a Jet Airways flight in half an hour.

10:10 AM - Buy a ticket for the 11:30 flight to Bangalore. I must be the only nutcase to risk buying a ticket using a debit card!

10:20 AM - Realise I've left my converter at the charging station itself. Go there to find a 1100 attached to it. I ask the lady there if the converter was already there when she came. She says yes, and that the point doesn't work. I remove the converter and hook her phone to the original charger. She gives me a sheepish grin. :)

10:30 AM - Manage to lose my converter again! :(

10:40 AM - Get my boarding pass. The lady there asks if I'd like a window seat or aisle. I say I've got no preferences. But she must've seen my eyes light up when she said window and she books a window seat! I then slap my forehead thinking the aisle would've given me a better view of the air hostesses! I later** find out, I didn't miss much.

Next 50 minutes - Watch Dhoni and Gambhir hit scorching shots to the fielders.

11:32 AM - Padathula perusu perusa planes paarthuttu, pretty disappointed at the size of this one. Felt like I was climbing into a toy plane.

11:35 AM - ** that later is now!

11:40 AM - Look at the air hostess mime the actions as a voice booms out the instructions from the speakers. She gestures moving here hand like a robot to indicate the aisle and the exits. All of a sudden a song pops into my head. Ooraaram Puliyamaram from Paruthiveeran. Her actions were freakishly synchronised to the tune. I bite my tongue to keep myself from smiling or laughing. And just as the nadhaswaram bit plays in my head, she blows air into the lifejacket. I let out a guffaw! She throws me a nasty stare! Or did I imagine that?

Next 45 minutes - Wonder why I'm not feeling airsick. Look at the food served to me. Something yellow and powdery, as if yellow idlis and bread pieces had been mashed together in a mixer. Wonder what it's called. Apparently the caterers didn't know either. It was labelled "South Indian Snack". The tray kept sliding down the desk thingy. The same air hostess I'd laughed at gave me a sadistic smile, but her sense of duty overcame here personal feelings as she placed a booklet underneath the food tray to stop it from sliding. And then gave me another smile that clearly said, "mavane, thevai da unakku!"

12:30 PM - Land in Bangalore and go straight to my cousin's office to work.

Next 2 hours : Do a bit of work, and think about what's been happening. Hardly a week back, I was wondering when I'd get a chance to fly, and now I already had. Hardly 24 hours back, I'd wondered how I was going to fit into an adult's shoes.

Though I hate to admit it, seemed like now I already had. The shoes were very uncomfortable, just for the record.

2:30 PM - Reach home, and heave a sigh of relief that I'd made it to Bangalore in one piece. Bozo comes bounding and leaves a straight line rip on my tee-shirt. So much for one piece!

PS.
I'd typed this long back. Draft la save panni vechu post panna marandhuten! Yeah yeah, idhukku post pannaamaye irundhurukalaam. I know.

PPS.
My training starts on June 11th. In Hyderabad!! Kadavul thaan enna kaapathanam.

Hope

2007-04-27T21:15:00.000+05:30

Four years of friendship doesn't fade away as these shadows.

PS.
I never knew I was capable of serious, senti msgs :) adhukaaga ellarum jora oru round kai thattunga!

Recurring Michael Jackson Syndrome - II

2007-04-14T01:30:00.000+05:30

[Sorry! I forgot to put a "To Be Continued" message in my last post. Aparam orae bijee aaitena, wasn't able to conclude the story at all. But ippo panneeten. Read on.. ]

Chapter 5

Allwyn woke up the next morning in bed wondering why his head was filled with lead. (Rhyme ellam thaana varum.. no no, no applause.. it's ok). It all came rushing back to him, like a St. Bernard to the master of the house. It knocked him down all over again, as he groaned. Dr. Jill had said she loved him. Not 'crush'. Not 'feelings for him'. LOVE! Damn her. He didn't know what to say and had muttered he needed to sleep over it and that she'd have his reply the next morning. And he went ahead and got himself sloshed.

Now it was time for him to give her a reply, and he wasn't even sure what he was going to say. "Hell, All.. Do something.", he told himself, "Do what a rational adult in a serious adult situation in a mature adult world would do."

One round of Eeny Meeny Myney Mo later, Jill's answering machine had one new message saying "Jill? This is All. I'm in!".

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Chapter 6

Jill started taking extra special care of Allwyn. She had to repeatedly remind him that he meant the world to her, and confirm that she indeed was in love with him. It wasn't too difficult convincing him though, as she found out one day, when Allwyn, all of a sudden, asked "Do you really love me?". Panic gripped her, as she stammered, "Of.. of.. of course, All! In fact, every morning, I fall in love with you all over again!". Allwyn's eyebrows almost became one, as he looked at her suspiciously and asked, "How do I believe you fell for me?"

Jill had a resigned look on her face as she sighed and slowly began lifting her skirt. Allwyn's eyes widened, and he hurriedly said "Ok! I believe you!".

He had noticed the bandage on her knee. (Gotcha, you pervert!)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7

As the weeks rolled by, Jill started to find the lovey-dovey act quite tiring. Allwyn, in contrast, was slipping into his new role very comfortably. He'd only wanted to test how far the relationship would go. And now, he realised he was falling in love with her too. "So this is what love feels like!", he'd often tell her, raising her guilt meter a few more notches.

Things took a sharp turn once again. The skin condition was back! Allwyn started to grow paler, till he reached a complexion so fair, that had he been in my school, he'd have earned the nickname "Vellai Panni". Jill was extremely excited about it. It was strange enough that his skin had turned white once. It was stranger still, when the condition disappeared as suddenly as it came. What were the odds that it could repeat itself all over again!

The frequency of "Not tonight, All.", gradually increased, much to Allwyn's consternation, along with "I need to do a little more work on this. Now that you're white again, my chances of finding the cause have gone up. I can't let this go!". Allwyn's suspicions reared their heads again as he began to wonder whether Jill loved him or his skin condition.

Oh, and they had a name for it now. Recurring Michael Jackson Syndrome. "Unimaginative, yes. But that's the best we could come up with!", Jill had shrugged.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 8

Jill's gut feeling had proved true. Allwyn's melanin levels did seem to vary with his mood and emotions. She was on the verge of cracking the case. She called up Allwyn and excitedly shrieked, "I think I've almost done it! I'd been preparing a thesis on your condition, and I've almost reached a conclusion. All that needs to be done is for Dr. Derma Karen to verify my findings!! She said she'd do that as soon as she's back from Germany next week. I'm feeling so happy! Can you come over? I want you here. NOW!".

Allwyn didn't care a damn about anything else other than the fact that there was an urgency in her voice when she'd called him over to her place, and the fact that she was extremely happy. "Jackpot!", his mind screamed, as he zipped to her place in double quick time. "I'm on my way, sweetie.", he said, "I'll be there in half an hour." He was only five minutes away from her place. He'd given her a false sense of extra time hoping to surprise her.

There was surprise, alright. He walked into her apartment, only to catch her speaking to someone on the phone. "No Dolly, of course not! I don't love him! I had no other choice. How else do you think I could've got close to him and keep him monitored all the time? If he knew I'd been performing tests on him even as he slept..."

"All!", she gasped, as she noticed him in the room and dropped the receiver.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 9

A few days passed. Allwyn was beyond heart-broken. He'd turned cynical. Earlier he'd wondered if he'd ever experience true love. Now he knew it was impossible. Oh, and he'd turned black again!

A few more days passed. It had taken that long for Jill to destroy each and every piece of paper of painstaking research she'd done on this case. She could forget about her thesis submission. She had a moral obligation to send Dr. Derma Karen a mail about her findings. It didn't take her long to type it. After she hit send, she packed her bags and left.

No one knew where.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 10

Dr. Derma Karen opened her inbox in curious anticipation of Jill's mail. It was time for the world to find out about the only ever known case of Recurring Michael Jackson Syndrome. As she clicked on Jill's mail whose subject read "Allwyn Kelvinator - RJMS - Conclusive Report", she thought it was vulgar to feel so childishly excited, especially considering that she was one of the most renowned and respected specialists in her field.

"Dear Dr. Karen," the mail read, "All is fair in love and war."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Yeah. NOW it's over. :) ]

Recurring Michael Jackson Syndrome

2007-03-31T11:30:00.000+05:30

Chapter 0

Allwyn was diagnosed with Recurring Michael Jackson Syndrome. No, his world did not come crashing down around him. Frankly, he didn't give a rodent's posterior*. He got along just fine, thank you very much**.

Allwyn Kelvinator was an African-American*** from California. He was a pretty cool guy, and it had nothing to do with the fact that both his first and last names were those of refrigerators. He was the first and only black to be diagnosed with RMJS. It was a condition that the doctors didn't even know existed, hence the kooky name.

* I'm politically correct, you see. If Allwyn was narrating this in first person, he'd have used "rat's ass"!
** Don't sue me for plagiarism yet. I, err, hehe, seem to have "internalised" JK Rowling's works.
*** Same as (*). Replace "rat's ass" with "nigger" or "black".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1

Allwyn had a relatively normal childhood. He grew up in a predominantly black neighbourhood. He had his share of playground bullying, girlfriends, bike races, girlfriends, graffiti art, girlfriends. Did I mention girlfriends? His "romances" were dubiously popular and likened to houseflies. Noisy, dirty and rumoured to last only a day! But he'd never experienced true love. And to be honest with himself, he didn't think he'd ever experience it. He had a notorious image to maintain.

One day, he got news that changed him as an individual forever. He'd been enlisted in the US army. Cruelly enough, it coincided with the Gulf War. He was flown to the Persian Gulf to join the troops. That was when something strange started to happen to him. While his white comrades were getting tanned in the hot sun, Allwyn began to appear pale. With every passing day, his dark skin was getting lighter and lighter. It was a dream come true for advertisers of Fair and Handsome. Unfortunately, it wasn't around in those days. And so, Allwyn slowly began to turn into a white man. His vocabulary and mannerisms were the same though.

The army doctors were getting a bit worried. They suspected he'd contracted some rare disease, and they did not have the resources to test him. They had no choice but to let him go back home.
His family found it horrifying. His mom was on the verge of disowning him.
His friends found it hilarious. They teased him endlessly about it.
The doctors found it perplexing. They had absolutely no clue why his melanin levels plummeted like that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2

Dr. Jill Nualove*, a medical student, a la Nayanthara in Gajini, started taking special interest in his case. She began researching skin conditions extensively. It certainly wasn't Vitiligo, as his pale skin wasn't patchy. She drew parallels to Michael Jackson's condition. MJ's case, though, was fraught with complications, what with his single-minded devotion to perform plastic surgery on every inch of his face according to tabloids. The only way to get a breakthrough in Allwyn's case was to work with him directly.

Allwyn consented to her request, and Jill began to conduct tests on him. She constantly monitored his melanin levels and studied their variation with his mood. By March, they were in for another surprise. His skin began to turn dark again.

*This name is dedicated to Shiv. She wouldn't need this link to understand why! :)

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Chapter 3

Jill couldn't believe what she saw. More tests followed, and he was found to be perfectly alright. Allwyn, by then, was tired of being a lab rat. "Thanks, Dr. Jill. Yer tests say I'm ok, n' I ain't stayin' here any longer. I'm goin' home.", said Allwyn to a visibly disappointed Jill.

The reversal of his skin colour had opened up more avenues of research for Jill. She was planning to submit a thesis on this unheard of condition, and Allwyn was backing out at the wrong time. She had to stall him somehow. Her brain was buzzing with all these thoughts, when Allwyn noticed her dejected look. "Ya alright, doc?", he enquired. A CFL bulb* lit up in Jill's brain.

* And this one's dedicated to her :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4

Jill lowered her head, and said, "I think I'm beginning to fall in love with you."

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Paradise Regained

2007-03-21T11:15:00.000+05:30

I was cured from CAS Blindness early this month. Thanks to this.

But their ads have always amused me. It's ok to personify inanimate objects, especially when you think you get the cute quotient just right. So they have this li'l dish hopping all over the place, waving its hands and talking to us, its face running through the whole gamut of expressions from happy to a little more happy.

The least they could've done was to remove the antenna rod from that dish! :)

Curses' Theory of Weight Management

2007-03-05T11:30:00.000+05:30

The only opinion that counts in the matter of your weight...

... is that of your favourite pair of jeans.

PS.
Mine said "Get some exercise, fatso!" :(

From riches to rags - III

2007-02-25T02:15:00.000+05:30

[Naan mokkai la thaan mudipen nu mudive panneetengala? :( You're in for a rude shock then.]

Kovalam opened his eyes a few hours later. "You're awake!", squealed Deepthi, as she lunged forward to hug him. Kovalam pushed her away and removed the sheets to expose his injured leg. It was still there. Injured, but intact. His breathing slowly returned to normal and glanced up to see his father looking disturbed and his mother in tears.

"How did you know?", Siddharth enquired quietly.
"I heard Rajiv chithappa telling you about it.", Kovalam replied.
No one spoke for a while.

Rajiv entered just then. The uncomfortable silence prevailing in the room was enough to know that Kovalam found out. He went up to him and ruffled his hair. "Don't worry, da. I'm trying my best to convince the doctor not to do it." Siddharth cricked his neck as he turned sharply in surprise. "Are you crazy, Rajiv?", he hissed, rubbing his neck. "Let's try to dilute the blood clot by some other means", Rajiv implored, "Let's not go for amputation. Please?" Deepthi looked at him as if he was out of his senses. "Why are you talking like an irrational child? Didn't you hear what the doctor said? It's not just the clot. His limb has undergone severe trauma. He's got no choice." Suddenly, they fell silent again. They realised they'd been speaking in front of Kovalam. The silence became a little more uncomfortable. Finally Kovalam ended it, as he croaked "Let them go ahead with it."

His leg was amputated the very next day, and a week later, Kovalam returned home. He was discharged from his duties in the Air Force for a month before they decided what to do with him. A prominent change had come over Kovalam after the amputation. The innocent twinkle in his eyes was gone. It was replaced by a cold steely look. His patience had started to wear thin, and he lashed out at the slightest affliction. The Air Force had decided to give him a desk job, and asked him to return after six months. Siddharth's company, all of a sudden, started to dip in business. Dip was an understatement. It did a double somersault from a diving board and went straight to the bottom of the pool. Deepthi had given up her job to take care of Kovalam. Their finances had taken a major hit. They were going from riches to rags. (I've seen a lot of authors use the title in just one sentence hidden somewhere in the book. There you go, folks, I've successfully managed to squeeze the title in!)

But the most shocking change was in Kovalam's character. He managed to escape from home many a times, and was seen ogling at girls in the bus stand. He was even caught twice trying to make a pass at a few of them. He leered openly, and passed disgusting comments. He started to smoke again. And as if it wasn't bad enough, the cigarettes he smoked were usually stolen from some potti kadai! Deepthi was distraught. Why was he behaving like this all of a sudden? Usually, victims of major injuries were known to go into a shell. He was doing the exact opposite, and behaved in a way that was never thought possible of him.

Rajiv had resigned from his Ranji team and was working extra hard to help his brother out of the hole. He had taken up a three month long assignment abroad, and as soon as he touched down in Chennai, went straight to Siddharth's house. A couple of policeman were talking very rudely to Siddharth. "This is the last time I'm letting him off", one of them said, "If we catch him again in front of the ladies hostel in the next block, we'll have him arrested." Siddharth nodded, knowing not what to say. Rajiv hung on outside till the policemen left, and entered the living room.

Siddharth looked at him worriedly, racking his brain for some excuse. Rajiv cut in before he could say anything, "Ssshh. Don't bother. I heard it all." Siddharth broke down. "Why? Why is all this happening to us? Losses in business, I can bear. It's Kovalam's behaviour that's disturbing me greatly. What has happened to him? Enna aachu avanukku?"

Rajiv looked at him sombrely. He shook his head as he said, "Naan idha edhir paarthen da. Indha maathiri edhavadhu aagum nu appove nenachaen."

Siddharth looked at him with a mixture of anxiety and curiosity. "I do remember you trying to dissuade us from getting his leg amputated.", he said as he began to take in a deep breath, knowing he'd finally find out the reason for Kovalam's change. "But why?"

Rajiv screwed up his eyes and bit his lower lip. Siddharth recognised the expression. This was the look he gave just before he quoted some ancient Tamil saying. The words rang out sharp and clear. "Kovalam ku kaal edutha avan kevalam thaane aavaan."

[This is to inform you that I've gone into hiding. Do not search for me. It's an exercise in futility. Oh, and in case you didn't get it, I'm sure someone'll help you out in the comment box. As for what I said in the beginning, it was just an attempt to lower your expectations a bit! Varta? :) ]

From riches to rags - II

2007-02-21T23:00:00.000+05:30

[Idhu oru U-rated blog. Ingu process description ellam solla padaathu. Apadi therinthu thaan aaganam endru adampidithaal, Moksham theatre poi edhavadhu bit padam paarkavum. Nandri.]

Kovalam was an unusually bright child. Extremely sharp, he reached his little baby milestones (sitting, talking, walking, the works) earlier than most others. But his proud daddy was most impressed by the fact that his baby seemed potty trained by default! The minute he could walk, he immediately gravitated to the portable potty whenever he wanted to poop. "Did you see that?", Siddharth would say, glaring at Calvin and Hobbes (his German Shepherds), with his hands on his hips, "When are you two going to learn?"

In fact, Kovalam was so bright that every time his mother got a burp out of him, she'd hear an "Echoome". "Did you hear that?", she'd ask Siddharth, glaring, "He said excuse me! When are YOU going to learn?"

Kovalam breezed through his LKG interviews, handling it as if he was attending the final interview in Microsoft, and making the principal look like a fool for having used baby-talk with him. By the time he reached sixth standard, he was considered for double promotion thrice, but he spurned them all, because he wanted to be with his friends. His parents respected his decision. He was after all, their lucky child in more ways than one. After he was born, Siddharth was elated that his business was seeing a very steep increase in profits. Deepthi had more reasons to be overjoyed. Siddharth's secretary got married. She kept saying she was relieved that her friend had found her life partner, but Siddharth wondered if the relief ran deeper!

Kovalam may have surprised one and all with his baby milestones, but he surprised even himself with his boyhood milestones. (Here's a ladder.. now get your mind out of the gutter! His maturity level extends only to his emotional side. At least, as yet!) He'd already ridden a bike, broken his hand, met celebrities, tried his first (and after the bout of wheezing he endured for a week) and last puff on a cigarette. Otherwise, he was a well-behaved boy, and his teachers adored him.

Siddharth had a younger brother, Rajiv, who Kovalam loved and respected. Rajiv was a banker by profession, a new entrant in the state Ranji team, and a riot to hang out with. In spite of being such a Peter fellow when around some of his rich Sethji clients, he was an avid Tamil Literature enthusiast. Whenever he was cornered in an argument, he'd quote some ancient pulavar and twist the meaning to suit him.

Kovalam hero-worshipped his uncle. They'd often go off on long ECR rides and had visited every beach and restaurant along the coast. It was also his bike that was responsible for Kovalam's fracture, but after a quick secret pact with each other, Kovalam's parents were told it was caused by a nasty fall while playing cricket with his uncle.

Years whizzed by, and Kovalam had already completed his 12th and (yawn!) topped his school, missing out on a state rank by a whisker. A state rank, after all, is exclusively reserved for girls. The Press were impressed by his record over the years and ran a piece on him. When asked what he wanted to become, he answered "I want to join the Air Force" without any hesitation. This took everyone by surprise. Most of all, his parents.

They tried cajoling him, bribing him, threatening him and even emotionally blackmailing him. But Kovalam was not prepared to reverse his decision. That very month, he applied to join the NDA and cleared the cut. He had to then take a Pilot aptitude test and passed out in flying colours. (What's with these puns?) In very quick time, he went from transport pilot to combat pilot. He was on cloud nine. (I swear I don't put these in. Honest!)

And on a fateful day in January, his life spun out of control. During flight manoeuvres for the Republic Day parade rehearsal, his plane stopped responding midair. He knew Microsoft had corrupted his brain for good when the first thing that flashed across his mind was Ctrl+Alt+Del. He had to somehow coax the plane to crash somewhere safe before deplaning. After somehow coaxing the floating scrapmetal to nosedive towards an empty field, he ejected from the plane, with two things running through his mind.
a) that he hadn't been too late in getting out of the plane.
b) the sombu and vayakaadu concept is not very popular in North India.

The plane crashed into the field and caught fire. Kovalam landed very close to the plane and began to ditch the parachute and run for his life. The plane exploded just as he started to sprint, and a large shrapnel hit Kovalam on his leg and got wedged in. He fell to the ground, and lost consciousness.

He awoke to the sound of his mother sobbing. "Deepthi, azhaadhe.. It'll be alright", his dad was saying to her. He looked around and noticed he was in a hospital. He noticed Rajiv entering the room looking grave. Nobody had noticed that Kovalam had regained consciousness. Rajiv walked towards Siddharth, placed a hand on his shoulder and said "The doctor says his leg must be amputated."

Kovalam closed his eyes and drifted off again.

[The next part will conclude the story. Promise! And it'll (hopefully) be very short.]

From riches to rags

2007-02-14T22:30:00.000+05:30

Siddharth had it all. Cars, real estate (with a capital R! No poramboaku valaichu puttings..), a very high paying job, a loving wife, two gorgeous German Shepherds, loads of good will and a lovely secretary. To top it all, the wife and the secretary were good friends. "What more could a man want?" was the chief refrain of all those who knew, admired, and even envied him.

But he knew what he wanted. A child. He and Deepthi* were in their late 30s, and were not getting any younger. They wanted a kid, and fast!
*(yes, his wife. What did you expect? A baby with his secretary? Coming to think of it, why would he want an almost 40 year old secretary?!!)

Siddharth decided to take a break from work. (It pays to be the boss of your own office) He entrusted his staff with all the responsibilities and told Deepthi that they were going on their second honeymoon. He'd already chalked up the itinerary, a 3 month trip to all the honeymoon destinations, from Switzerland and France to Darjeeling and Lonavala. Ambience does matter! (no pun intended)

"It - in - ary.. I - tin - ary.. I - tin - rary.. I - tin - er - ary... Aargh! How do you pronounce this damn thing?", Siddharth spat. "I-tin-uh-rer-ee", Deepthi, looking up from her laptop, said with a smile - the kind of patronising smile that one usually gives to a baby monkey as it struggles to peel a banana, "Seriously! How do you call yourself a globe-trotter?" Siddharth raised an eyebrow, "Ok, Miss Know-it-all. Stop rubbing it in."

Deepthi got up to pack her bags and exhorted him to do the same. "It takes me hardly 15 minutes", Siddharth grumbled, as he got up to pack. His gaze fell on Deepthi's laptop screen as two words caught his attention. "Dictionary.com" and "Itinerary".

Three months whizzed by as the couple had fun in every conceivable way. (Pun intended this time!) A massive suite in Paris, a cottage in Switzerland, a room with a breathtaking view of Venice, a restored building in Rome, deluxe accommodations in Darjeeling, Shimla, Nainital, Lonavala and Ooty, they experienced it all. "Ambience", thought Siddharth for the hundredth time, "it always does the trick."

They were back in Chennai, and a month later, realised nothing had changed. Deepthi resigned to fate, but Siddharth was distraught. The doctors had given them a clean chit. What could be wrong? Siddharth wanted one last shot. He knew he was resorting to desperate measures when he booked a cheap hotel in Mahabalipuram. Deepthi gave in to his demands.

The long drive along the ECR helped raise his spirits a bit. He had started to sing along with the music player. "Aaaaasshhiiqqq Banaayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa", he hollered, as Deepthi smiled and wondered who was worse - Himesh Reshammiya or him. They were passing through Kovalam when something caught her eye.

"tere bin suni suni hain baaaaaaaaahein"
"Err.. Sidd?"
"teri bin pyaasi pyaasi nigaaaaaaaaaahein"
"Siddharth?"
"tere bin bin asar meri aaaaaaaaahein"
"YO GOAT THROAT!"
"tere.. err.. sorry.. enna?"
"Inga oru kovil irukku. Pogalaama?"

Siddharth wasn't an atheist. He wasn't a regular temple-goer either. He couldn't find a reason to fuss and consented. He looked for a place to park his car and hoped the music player and tyres be intact when they return.

It was a newly constructed temple, and Deepthi entered her Bhakthi Pazham zone. This greatly amused Siddharth and the corner of his mouth curled upwards in mirth as he saw his wife smear a great deal of kungumam and move her lips rapidly in prayer. Deepthi caught the expression and raised an eyebrow as if to ask "what's so funny?". Siddharth shook his head and whispered "nothing!", as he continued to smile at his wife who had a big red circle on her forehead, fresh jasmine on her hair, and a t-shirt that said "Too Hot To Handle".

As they walked back to the car, Siddharth ate a little bit of prasadam, and almost choked - as respect stopped him from spitting the prasadam out, and the taste, from swallowing it. "This is bitter!!!", he spluttered, his eyes welling up as a result of the assault on his taste buds. "Murungakka Kesari", said Deepthi, with a twinkle in her eye, "It's a speciality here!"

Less than a year later, they had a baby boy. And without any thought to the amount of ragging their child would go through later in life, they named him "Kovalam", honouring the place that made it possible.

[the story hasn't even begun yet! :) I love build ups, I really do. To be continued...]

Gyan Guru - 2

2007-01-24T21:00:00.000+05:30

Gyan Guru - 1

2007-01-16T23:00:00.000+05:30

Poll

2007-01-11T12:00:00.000+05:30

Is it better to be

boring, but genuine
(or)
animated, but artificial?

Views, rules, exceptions, special cases, comments, admonishments - hit me with all you've got. Thanks.

Update:
Lemme elucidate.
You're least interested in what's going on around you. Any kind of excitement that you show, will certainly not come from the heart. You're (in your own opinion), good enough an actor to put on a mask of vivacity.

So now, what'll you do?

Be the real you, and be called a bore?
or
Put on a show of excitement, and wonder in your head how long you'll have to keep this up?

This does sound biased towards the former, doesn't it? If you can convince me that the latter is a wiser choice, I might give it serious consideration, promise! :)

Corporate

2006-12-13T23:00:00.000+05:30

Karthik was visibly excited. Here was a guy, not even 22, but already shoveled into the big bad world of Corporate wilderness. He didn't consider himself a grown-up, at least not yet. He found it rather funny that an organisation as huge as DataBro was willing to induct him into their team and give him some responsibility.

They had squeezed him dry during the training period, and he was left wondering if he'd studied that hard even for his board exams. But it was all worth it. He could find himself maturing into an independent individual. Translated : Externally, his eyes didn't light up at the sight of all those snacks in the refreshment room. His brain went haywire though.

He was pushed into a project straight out of training, that left many of his contemporaries seething with envy. He proclaimed he was just lucky. But he knew he'd worked hard enough for it. To take him one step closer to what he'd been waiting for, ever since he got placed in his final semester. His first 'real' pay packet. The one he had, in the true sense of the word, earned.

Karthik had already won the hearts of his team mates and project manager with his enthusiasm and quick wit. In fact, he'd impressed his superiors so much that they'd jokingly asked him if he'd like his salary given to him gift-wrapped instead of crediting it to his account. Karthik had a dead serious look on his face when he nodded and said "Yes sir. If not gift-wrapped, at least given to me in cash." Everyone was taken aback. He was just kidding, or was he? Karthik thanked his bosses and left the room.

This was the weirdest request they'd received, and they didn't have the heart to shoot it down. The corporate world had shifted to electronic fund transfers for a reason, and this was a major step backwards. The primitive practice was going to be performed again. The head honchos could only hope silently that no one knew what went on.

Karthik was told not to breathe a word about this to anyone. "Cash pay packets require an old ritual to be performed. One that the world doesn't know about. This is the last time we'd carry this out. So not a word, boy!", they'd warned. Karthik's curiosity was piqued. He had to know what was going on. And he decided that he'd find out even if it cost him his job.

And so, on pay-day, he snuck out of his cubicle and made his way to the loo. On his way out, he took a detour and inched his way to the accounts section where he'd seen all his bosses enter. He was slowly moving towards the door, with his back firmly against the wall when his pal, Prasad walked out of the toilet and eyed him with doubt. "Oy! Whatchoo upto?", he called out. Karthik was glad he'd paid a visit to the loo a while back. The shock hadn't done much harm! He collected his wits, held out his hand like a pistol, and whispered "Bang Bang".

Prasad chuckled and said, "Grow up, kiddo!" as he went back to his cubicle. Karthik heaved a sigh of relief, and reached the Accounts room. He stealthily peeped through the glass panes on the door. His bosses were huddled together, apparently chanting something. Then, he got the shock of his life. They took the bundle of cash, and did all sorts of obscene things with it. Finally, one person took it in his hand, inhaled deeply and spat all over the wad of notes. He then passed it to another guy, who clinically removed all the notes with saliva on them, and passed on the clean notes to the next person, who put them in an envelope and sealed it.

Karthik was filled with disgust. "What a sickening thing to do!", he wondered, "And in this age and times!". He was all shaken up as he reached his cubicle. Prasad noticed the worried look on his face and went up to him. "What happened, machan?", he enquired. Karthik told him all that he'd seen, down to the most repulsive detail. Prasad smiled, "Ada cha, avalo thaana.. My dad's told me about it once. It was a routine ages back. They perform every obscene act possible on your money, before plucking out the clean ones and giving it to you. This was the primary reason why we've shifted to electronic fund transfer these day. To bury this ugly past."

Karthik looked at him wide-eyed. "Bb.. but.. but why? Are.. Are you sure this.. this is what they did everywhere?", he spluttered.

"Yup!", Prasad smiled, "Why else do you think they call your undeducted pay as Gross Salary?"

Couldn't resist!

2006-11-20T22:30:00.000+05:30

PS. If you can see 6 limbs, you're as disoriented as I am..

Gulp!

2006-11-03T19:30:00.000+05:30

The closer it gets...

The scarier it becomes...

Oh well, might as well gear up for the ring-master act on 19th. Apadiye konjanaal semester exams-a excuse aa kuduthu abscond aavaen. So until then, tata.. bye bye.. see you.. be good..

PS.
That's Tinkerbells. The cat that doesn't stick to bullying people only on the 3rd Sunday of November.

7 Up - Lemon Bite

2006-10-16T19:30:00.000+05:30

How many of you have seen the new 7-Up Lemon Bite ad? I found it hilarious! Not so much for its storyboard or execution, as for its ironic goof up.

First you see a truck cleaner tell the driver that the lemon from their truck is missing.
Then he says that the lemons from all the trucks are missing and they all wonder where they disappeared.
Next you see Fido throw in a bunch of lemons into a glass.
(No, you're not supposed to wonder how the lemons look so clean if they've been taken from the underside of a truck)
He closes it with another glass and shakes it up well.
Voila, it turns into a bottle of 7-Up Lemon Bite.

And that's exactly when they flash the message "Contains no fruit. Contains artificial flavouring."

Ek gaon mein...

2006-10-06T07:00:00.000+05:30

Ten days out of Tamil Nadu is enough to make even those comfortable with Hindi sweat a bit. But ten days of kadichu thuppufying Hindi, framing "shudhdh" sentences in your brain and saying something so totally different that you see ur Hindi Teacher's face clearly in your mind, slapping her forehead and clenching her teeth in anguish, is enough to make you forget Tamil for a while. In fact, the first thing I said when I landed at Chennai Central was "Hey!! Everyone's speaking tamil!"

But some instances of "Ek Gaon Mein Ek Kisaan Raghu Thaatha" stay clearly in your mind. Like at the hotel in Mahabaleshwar.

We'd arranged for breakfast, and they served coffee along with it. A few coffee-haters (yup, they exist!) wanted plain milk instead. Andy (remember him from the Ascendas episode?) ushaar pannified a cup of milk and sat and drank it with a very contented smile on his face. If he had whiskers, I'd have half expected him to say meow after polishing the cup off.

That's when G, another classmate, observed that it was possible to get milk. He went around asking people who wanted plain milk, probably to gather company in case the hotel staff snubbed him. (Naah, I'm kidding.. he was just being helpful!) After a couple of rounds around the dining tables, he figured he had two more for company.

And so he went up to the waiting hotel staff, and said, "Moonu paal kudunga". The chap blinked back. G hesitated, and repeated once more.. "moonu paal?". More blinking. That's when realisation dawned on him. "Ada cha!", he slapped his forehead, "ivanga kitta hindi la pesanam la!!".

He restated his reqest with renewed vigour. "Theen paal please".

Tata Bye Bye

2006-09-22T09:45:00.000+05:30

Industrial Visit is such a neat excuse to have fun :)
I'm off to Goa, Mahabaleshwar and Lonavala for 10 days.. catch ya guys when I'm back!

PS.
Please do me a favour, and pray that it's fun.. I suggested this plan, and I'm kinda scared that if it flops, I wont be alive when we're back! :D

Tips for Survival

2006-09-18T16:30:00.000+05:30

- Part 1 of God knows how many to follow..

When there is a strike happening, as long as you're not participating in it, keep your mouth shut. There are times when they go silent. Get that in your head. When you hear their rumbustious shouts of "Inquilab Zindabad, Management Murdabad", keep in mind that they may chose to remain silent just when you decide to shout "IIM Ahmedabad"!

Or be prepared to meet the nasty glares of two dozens pairs of eyes capable of chilling you to the bone.

This is a public service announcement, made in the interest of the general public. In other words, Experience Speaks.

Thank you.

Kill Pill

2006-09-07T14:00:00.000+05:30

Ok, I want you guys to come clean about this. How many of you adults (or at least those who vaguely consider themselves one) hate pills, especially the big ones, and still have difficulty in swallowing the damn thing without the tablet behaving like a cranky child playing hopscotch on either side of ur tonsils, taking vicarious pleasure in making you gag over the pestilential mite of a chemical button?

Or am I the only one other than Devayani who still exclaims "Evalo periya maatharai" everytime I see one?

This is a vote. All those who share similar sentiments, say "Aye! (neetug ro vup) "

PS.
After 3 straight days of high fever, woke up with a twang in the calf muscle. That it's err.. "twanging" in both legs added a bit to my concern. Maybe my mind's being overactive and I'm jus imagining my vision blurring out a bit at times as I look at the monitor now.

Should check if my fears are echoed by the doc when I see him this evening. But I'm vegetarian. I'd prefer a paneergunya, or a gobigunya.

Silly fellows!

2006-08-23T16:45:00.000+05:30

I honestly don't know why people spend half their lifetime searching for the meaning of life. I found it in 2 seconds.

Here you go!

Saffron, White, Green and Black

2006-08-15T10:00:00.000+05:30

Happy b'day, Babe*!

*Independent India ba..

Bye, Witchu :(

Kids say the darndest things

2006-08-12T15:30:00.000+05:30

Going back to school and meeting my old teachers was fun. Especially my LKG teacher.

She was telling me about this innocent little kid in her class. He was probably the first student who'd ever asked her a doubt in LKG. And she said with regret, that she didn't have an answer to the question to this day.

She was taking Alphabet class for the first LKG batch in the school, when the kid in question piped up. "Miss", he asked in all earnest, pointing to a letter on the board, "why is it called Double U when it looks like two V's placed side by side?"

The innocent kiddo passed LKG in flying colours, probably getting 26 on 26! :)
But he wasn't done yet. He went up to her and said, "I've gone to UKG and you are still in LKG. No promotion for you, miss?"

The kid, unfortunately has been missing for 16 years now. Last seen, he was wearing a white shirt, navy blue shorts, disproportionate socks, a band-aid on the right leg and an extremely sad look on his face.

If found, please ask him where all his innocence went. :(
And please do tell him a way to avoid the process of growing up. I bet he was more fun as a kid.

Bloody Insult!!!

2006-08-07T08:30:00.000+05:30

Asinga padutheetaan! :(

SOKa keedhu!

2006-08-03T16:45:00.000+05:30

They say patience pays. At times, nagging pays better!

"We've got the stock, sir. The official audio release is tomorrow. You can come now and collect your copy though." Jus' the thing I wanted to hear after a hard day. Was there in a flash and back! Too much anticipation had gone into this album. I was telling myself, "A Rahman album after a long while, just enjoy the moment and the music. Don't worry about what people will think of it. Doesn't matter even if it's crappy". Less than half way into the album, I smiled. It was not as much a smile of relief, as it was of realisation that my fears were unwarranted. Sheer genius was smiling back at me through my CD player.

Sillunu Oru Kadhal

I didn't take to the name change too well. "Jillunu" sounded much better. And tax exemption was such a stupid reason. They were gonna spend that amount on creating new banners and posters and CD covers, anyway! After listening to the music, I don't care if they change it to "Naatha, neengal en kaadhalar" or whatever. I've got what I wanted, perhaps more.

1. Ammi Mithichaachu/Kummi Adi
Seergazhi Sivachidambaram doing his Odakaara Marimuthu routine!
Beatific Smile Moment 1 : When I hear beats simulated by the choir themselves.
Naresh Iyer has firmly found a foothold in Rahman's camp. Bloody versatile, he is.
(I suspect the choir's still doing their dhumpichuk bit!)
Theni Kunjaramma's funny!
And Swarnalatha, evergreen. The pattikaatu pronunciations, the twinkling laughter, the higher octaves, she carries them all off with elan.
My second favourite kiddo's there too. Vignesh. (Pooja tops that list.. Hope she sings in Guru! )
Peppy! Lovin' it..

2. Munbe Va
How can someone have such a pristine voice? (Must search for Shreya fan club in Orkut!)
"Rango-Rangoli" adds oodles of charm to the song.
I can't make up my mind whether to feel happy that Rahman's found a talent like Naresh, or feel sad at the fact that Karthik's been edged out in the process.
Beautifully ended.

3. Maja Maja
Matter paatu ba!
Shreya's second sexy song after Thazhuvudhu Nazhuvudhu. How can someone have such a pristine voice that still maintains its virginal purity while singing matter paatu too?! (Don't worry. I won't ask this again. No more songs for her in this album!)
SPB Charan seems to be in a errr.. stronger mood (for want of words!) than his dad was in Thazhuvudhu Nazhuvudhu! Lots of experimentation, lots of ummm.. involvement! :)
At times I wonder if this is a thamizh song, or telugu. Had to really strain hard to realise it was thamizh!
You might think I hated this song after reading all this.. You're wrong!

4. Machakaari
The song that made the highest jump in my preference level from the samples to the original CD.
Brilliant brilliant start! What a way to flag off a song!
Vasundhara Das, hasn't lost her touch. No one else could have done justice to this track.
Shankar Mahadevan in fresh avatar. Mixing gruff energy with silky classical touches, the man's in a groove.
Beatific Smile Moment 2 : The "Ma ma ma he maamu", bit!
Oriental modulations, western beats, aggressive humming, semi-aalaaps, this one's got it all.
I'm outta breath just listening to it, Surya's gonna have a tough time dancing! :)

5. New York
My new favourite in this album. And the most magical, in my opinion.
Beatific Smile Moment fixed till end of song!
Very stylish string arrangements. Very western, very beautiful.
I'm glad Rahman's taking his singing seriously these days.
Amidst the funky techno sounding loop, the static crackling of the radio and the sound of a chopper taking off, the soulful rendition takes flight. Straight into your heart.
A coupla gals take care of the harmony, a la, Dil Se. This might make it to my alltime faves!
Like Ferro, a Tanhayee-like imagery came to mind. Semmaya irukkum apadi picturise pannina!
God-level stuff.

6. Maaricham
Voila, we have a new Anupama!
Super Beats.
Very Powerful singing.
Someone please tell me what she's singing, though!
The only part I understood was when she calls out "Goutham, Goutham", like a certain Ms. Mohini at midnight :)
Incomprehensible (to me), yet catchy!

7. Jillunu Oru Kadhal
Jazz makes a comeback.
It's ironic that inspite of Tanvi's kadichu thuppufying of the language, this was the song I understood every word of!
Takes guts to come up with a score like this.
The song most in my class hate, the song that caught my attention first!
Love the jazz and the liberal old-age feel sprinkled all over the song.

Totally addicted to the album. If someone gets their hands on the lyrics, please pass a copy this way! Thanks..

Verdict? Naah, just advice. Go grab your copy!

Symptoms

2006-07-30T22:00:00.000+05:30

When I lose my appetite...

When I'm unable to sleep...

When I'm found grinning to myself in badly concealed glee...

When I keep asking people what date it is...

When I start doing random weird stuff embarrassing myself in the process...

When I appear constantly restless...

When I start complaining about the days being too long...

...Then you can safely assume a new Rahman Album is about to be released.

PS.
Why, what did you think? :)

Why? Why? Why?

2006-07-25T09:00:00.000+05:30

How do you make a line shorter when you have no means of erasing it?
You draw a bigger line next to it.

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse when I found out Asin is acting with Simbhu in the movie AC, I got another news.
That she's acting in Dasavatharam with "him".

Glossophobia

2006-07-20T08:30:00.000+05:30

Nope. It isn't the fear of all things bright and shiny! It's stage fright. Something that has had me in its vice-like grip from the time my math teacher asked me to come forward and recite the multiplication tables of 3.

I've been avoiding going up on stage like plague, and my school principal had done everything she could to get me up there and speak. And I felt very proud of myself when I left school to know I'd evaded her attempts for 10 years! For some strange reason, no one else felt proud of me for that.

I'd successfully avoided taking seminars too, in college. Until a couple of days back.

"Nee thaan pa seminar edukkarae, Networks basics pathi.. idha vechu thaan unakku mark kudukka poraen". These words from my lecturer seemed straight out of my worst nightmare. My "Sir, mudiyaadhu sir.. anga pona nadunguvaen" pleadings fell on deaf ears. And he gave me less than a day to prepare. It was the beginning of the end.

The next day I was confident he wouldn't turn up to class. In my final year, no one does!! Things started looking more and more like scenes from a nightmare when I saw him turn up on time. He looked at me and gestured to the board. "That's it", I thought to myself, "I'm doomed".

What happened for the next few minutes, I'd never know. All I remember is getting up on the li'l dais kinda thingy in front of the board. And starting to speak about networks.

My eyes slid out of focus. There was a dull buzzing sound filling my ears. At one point of time, it grew so loud that I couldn't hear myself. My mind played strange tricks on me, coz every word I uttered sounded garbled and full of static, to me. On top of all this was the most confident inner voice, I've heard in my life.

I don't think I've introduced you guys to my inner voice. It's this squeaky little thing, that helps me be a chamathu fellow. Says all the right things at the right times, but also makes me feel guilty when I unintentionally hurt someone and constantly bugs me to apologise till I do so. But at times, when it is most confident, the Sachin-like voice takes on an Amitabh-like baritone. Giving me clear instructions of what to do.

But what I heard that day was a voice unlike any I've heard so far. So confident and deep, that it'd give Amitabh Bachchan a complex. And it was giving me clear instructions, guiding me on.

To drop my papers and flee through the door.

As my eyes slid further out of focus, more static filled my ears and I couldn't hear Mr. Inner Voice either. My legs gave me an impression that I wasn't too far of from the epicentre of an earthquake. My hands trembled so badly that I had to put it in my pocket, and then take it out just as quickly when I realised it'd look worse! Inspite of being a computer science student, I was pretty certain I'd introduced a new disorder to the medical field. HAPS. Harish's Acute Perspiration Syndrome.

That was when I saw the most inspiring, the most beautiful and the most morale boosting sight I'd ever seen in my life. The message I'd scribbled at the end of my notes - "You're still alive. Congratulations. Now get out of there!"

Everything came back to me clearly when I sat down at my desk. I realised the magnitude of what I'd gone through when my friend said "dei, bayangarama nadungarae da!". I removed my footwear and kept my cold feet on the floor. And realised I'd made Krishna Jayanthi type footmarks out of sweat.

That was my moment of truth. All my well wishers flashed before my eyes. Those who had my best interests in mind. I recollected how they said "To overcome your fear, face it head on", "Go up on stage once, you'll get over it once and for all". And for one fleeting moment I was filled with an emotion I'd never felt before in my life.

Something of a cross between anger and disappointment when I realised what a big fat lie it all was! I'm now more petrified of going up on stage than ever!!!

When hormones take over

2006-07-12T08:00:00.000+05:30

Ashwin squeezed his pimple till it burst. He peered into the mirror, checking out the result of his little battle with the zit as he combed his hair.

"This is it", he thought to himself. "I'm not going to hold back any longer. Everyone's seen it, I've remained a good boy for long enough. And if I am to watch it, I'll do it legally."

His eyeballs gave stiff competition to Pandiarajan's. He was noticeably fidgety as he stepped out of his house. "Where are you off to, Ashu?", his mom yelled out from the kitchen. His heart skipped a beat. "N.. Nowhere ma.. Fancied a walk down the road."

He crossed the main road, and felt as if every single pair of eyes was trained on him, digging deep into his soul and making him feel more guilty than he was now, if that were possible. He involuntarily shuddered as he saw the traffic policeman staring at him suspiciously. He hastened his pace. "Oy!", the policemen called out. Ashwin broke into cold sweat. Almost paralysed with fright, he couldn't being himself to turn. He heard the approaching footsteps with increasing dread. His body twitched as he felt a hand on his shoulder, and slowly wheeled himself around on the ball of his heels. "You should be a bit more careful, boy. You dropped your wallet." The policeman walked away from Ashwin, who was engulfed in buckets of sweat.

Ashwin continued, not allowing this incident to deter him from his purpose. He had made up his mind, and was not planning to let anything get in the way. He saw his destination, aglow with bright lights and special offer banners strung up. "Univercell. The most popular cellphone shop in Chennai. Who would've even thought....", his thoughts trailed off as he realised no amount of pulling could open the door. "Excuse me sir, it goes the other way", said the security at the door, and pushed the door open. He'd come running up to the landing, leaving the security guy of the next building waiting to resume their chat. Ashwin gave him a sheepish grin, which looked more like a constipated grimace, as he walked in. The chill blast of the AC hit him, helping him relax a bit.

"May I help you, sir?", a floorwalker enquired, giving Ashwin his second shock of the day. "Why do these people like talking to my back?", he thought as he hemmed and hawed at the floorwalker. "I'm Mani. How may I assist you?", the floorwalker enquired again. Ashwin scratched his head, and looked around to see that he was in a very busy place. "May I talk to you alone, please?", Ashwin asked, and dragged a confused Mani to a corner of the store.

"I've never watched any before. What would you recommend?", he whispered. "Watched any of what?", Mani asked, still puzzled. Ashwin looked around to see if anyone was watching. He whispered again, "Porn! What else?" Mani looked totally lost. "Sir, this is a cellphone shop. Did I hear you right? You want porn??"

It was Ashwin's turn to look confused. "You.. You mean you don't sell porn?", he whimpered, his eyes glinting with tears of shame. Mani gave him a comforting pat on the back, "Of course not! We are one of the biggest players in mobile phones. What made you think we sell such stuff?"

Ashwin beckoned him outside, as he trugded on like a zombie, and pointed at the banner.

Disclaimer:
This is not an attempt to tarnish the company's image. Blame it on Ashwin's foolishness! :)

The Oscar speech, almost..

2006-07-08T08:30:00.000+05:30

Thank you TFMPage.. if you hadn't changed your looks, I would never started blogging.

Thank you people.. If it weren't for you, I'd still not have been blogging after 20 months

And finally, Thank you dear blog.. If it weren't for you, I'd never have been placed in such a big company*!

updated:
*Jus realised I hadn't mentioned the word Infosys anywhere! :) aNTi** comment padicha aparam!!

** neenga unga paera ennava vechundaalum, ungala aNTi nu thaan koopiduven :P

How to make Japanese poets squirm

2006-06-28T22:30:00.000+05:30

No clue what to blog
Mind blissfully blank and clean
Blabbering is fun!

Start typing something
Space it out neatly like this
And call it Haiku!

Five syllables here
Seven more here and, Voila!
We have a winner!

Then comes the part where
We run out of things to say
Blink.. blink.. blink.. blink.. blink..

Sheesh, this is hopeless.
Shall I end this now (Yes/No)?
Invalid option

I am outtie

2006-06-20T17:45:00.000+05:30

Kay kooda pesi theerthukaren indha title ku, no tensans..

Anyways, me the escape to B'lore today.. weekend vandhuduven though.. Be good everyone! En scribbler paavam, adhu konjam company kudunga..

And yeah, there's a bloggers meet on 24th. Ascendas. 3 PM.
For further details, ivana poi thollai pannunga! :)

Tata!!

The Rainmaker

2006-06-16T13:00:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with the John Grisham novel. It is, infact, about the annual competition held in the sky.

Every year, clouds of different sizes and shapes and colours congregated for the "Annual Cloud of the Year Challenge". Mr. Varun, the official judge for the competition, selected the best rainmaker from amongst the clouds.

Mr. Stormson, the dark heavyweight who marked his territory in Cherappunji won almost every year. There were occasional surprise winners like Ms. Konkan Dunken, who visited Mumbai and rewrote the world record set by Mr. Stormson.

But not all clouds were champions like these strong dark ones. There was li'l Fluffy, who couldn't squeeze out a drop of rain even if he wrung himself thin. Ms. Cumulo Nimbette was a moody creature who could happily pour if she wished to, but chose to tease the parched earth by moving tantalisingly over it and then withdrawing as quickly as she arrived. However, she began to be plagued by bad luck ever since the villagers of Champaner cursed her. She had sadistically blown them a raspberry and hurried away as soon as they finished singing Ghanan Ghanan.

In the midst of these wide variety of clouds was Mr. Almost Grey. He was a very sad cloud, who hadn't made the grade even a single year. He howled, he huffed and he puffed, but never managed more than a slight drizzle. It was not enough for Mr. Varun, who had certain parameters for judging, and more often than not, gave him a fail grade.

"If I fail one more time, I'm committing suicide!", he confided to his friend, Cirrus Black. Cirrus was shocked. " 'tchoo blabberin' maann? yo freakin me out.. dun eva say such things again maann!". After he calmed down, he reasoned with Grey. "Lookit here maann, dun lose 'ope.. give eet yo bes' shot. This ain't everythin'.. yo big, yo very big, maann.. Peepol bless ya when ya block out da sun 'n' give 'em a break from da heat.."

Grey nodded, but he had made up his mind. This was do or die. He was even thinking of ways to commit suicide. He was broken out of his reverie by a booming thunder that signalled the beginning of the competition.

And so it started as all the clouds huddled around a television screen watching their peers happily pour over their selected territory. Stormson got a massive 93% for his strong steady downpour. He was furious when Varun told him the score. "That was a perfect rain! Where did those 7 percentage points go? I demand a reval!", Stormson roared. Varun looked up at him calmly and said, "I'm the judge for a reason. I know my job. I have some criteria. So please shut up and watch ur friends perform."

Almost Grey was almost in tears. "Sigh.. Why can't I perform like that?", he thought to himself. He watched as one after the other, his counterparts did their thing. Cirrus Black got only 72% inspite of a good performance. That was when Grey understood Varun's logic. He was taking into account the people's appreciation of the rain too.

Black had chosen St. Lucia in the West Indies and succeeded in washing out the 4th day's play between India and West Indies. The spectators weren't too impressed. Grey realised that this was the reason points were docked off. Grey began to formulate a plan. Where he lacked in talent, he'd make up for it with timing and strategy.

He noticed Fluffy coming back, looking extremely dejected. "I got a 0. Would you believe it? A zero! I think I'm the world's biggest failure. I couldn't muster a single drop!", Fluffy whimpered. "There there... Don't be so glum, buddy. This ain't everything", Grey said in a soothing tone. Fluffy broke down, and started to shed loads of tears. Grey couldn't resist saying, "You should have done this in the competition, pal!", as his name was called and he made his way out.

Grey picked his spot. "Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India.", he thought to himself as another bolt of thunder signalled his start. He whooshed down at full speed. "Target locked. Change course to go through the Bay of Bengal. That might help me refuel.", he muttered to himself as he gained speed. Whizzing over the Bay of Bengal, he made his way to Chennai. He noticed all the sweat and grime and the DermiCool Powder hoardings and smiled to himself that he'd made the right choice.

As he swooped over the city enveloping it in a welcome shade, the Chennaiites looked up in relief and smiled. Grey hung around for a few more minutes and gave it his all. The slight drizzle slowly built up a steady cadence, and Grey was beginning to gain confidence. He let out a whoop of joy and tried a little harder. His smile slowly turned into a frown as he realised he was losing steam. And before he knew it, he'd lost it. He'd cleared up into a benign mass of water vapour that refused to undergo condensation.

He returned to the arena, extremely disappointed. He'd messed up a good start. And he knew the drizzle wouldn't fetch him even 20 points. Cirrus came upto him and consoled him. "Tha' wazza bloody brilliant start maann.. Too bad ya couldn' keep eet goin'..", he rambled, trying to distract Grey from getting wrong thoughts in his head. Grey remained silent, fixing his gaze at Varun, waiting for his score.

Varun cleared his throat. "And here's the score of the final contestant, Almost Grey. His performance wasn't upto the mark. I'd give him a 15 for that." Grey's eyes started to well up. He was about to get up to do something drastic when he heard Varun's booming voice continue, ".. But did you see the look on the people's face. They blessed him with all their heart. He gave them a much needed respite from the heat, and also made sure he left soon so as to not trouble them too much. And that thoughtfulness deserves 30 points. You all know that the cut off is 40. So there you go folks, Almost Grey makes the grade for the first time with 45 points!"

All the clouds broke into an applause. Almost Grey wanted to scream "Aatha, naan pass aaiten", but held back realising not everyone understood Tamil. He had finally made the grade. He was not a failure, afterall!

He was surprised to know that the Chennaiites knew about his result too. Or that was what he thought, because even the newspapers had mentioned "Passing shower"!

The faithful companion

2006-06-11T20:00:00.000+05:30

Ramesh Pillai was the security head at the Sony factory on the outskirts of Chennai. He led a bored existance, spending most of his time at the factory. "There's no one to care for me in this world", he often lamented to himself. An orphan who had come up in life the hard way, Ramesh thanked the day Vijay Ramaswamy, the kind-hearted factory owner gave him a job in the security department. He gave his all for the job, and slowly climbed up the rungs of success to eventually become head-of-security.

Things changed in Ramesh's life ever since his company brought in a made-to-order AIBO to assist him. He was in awe of the technological wonder. He was thrilled to bits when he was given the task of training the robotic dog. Slowly as the days progressed, he became attached to it. He felt his life wasn't insignificant afterall. There was finally someone who listened to him, cared for him and even threw tantrums in his absence.

The Sony factory was in a notorious neighbourhood, and thieves were known to make off with expensive gadgets. The company was working on a new technology and had assigned the R&D department to this factory to keep things confidential. The engineers were on the threshold of a brilliant breakthrough in the field of Optical Storage Devices. A DVD that had it's storage capacity upped 800 times. Security needed to be at its tightest, and hiring new watchmen was out if question as the atmosphere was thick with serious lack of trust. Ramesh had an idea. He suggested sprucing up the AIBO to do a lot more than it could.

Mr. Ramaswamy forwarded his idea to the Sony headquarters, and was sanctioned almost immediately. Ramesh missed the mechanical marvel for the time it was away. He went back to his silent, routine life till the AIBO returned, leaner, meaner and fitted with every kind of defence mechanism that the engineers could think of.

"... fitted with ultra strong reinforced Titanium, sir! It'd take a bomb to make a dent on him. See these holes near his paws, sir? It's a disguised short range pistol. The gunshot may not be fatal, but will certainly render the target immobile for a while. It can also jump a maximum height of 10 feet, sir. They've fitted it with an ultra-compact trampoline. They weren't kidding when they said the AIBO would now walk with a spring in its step.. ha ha". Ramesh was almost breathless as he extolled the virtues of the new-and-improved guardian pet. Mr.Ramaswamy smiled, amused at Ramesh's enthusiasm. "All the best, Ramesh", he cut him short, "I have a meeting now. Give me a demo sometime. I hope you provide us with the maximum level of security possible." Ramesh stood at attention. "We most certainly will, sir", he said, shooting another loving glance at the dog.

That very night, the robot proved his worth. When Ramesh returned from the toilet, he immediately sensed things were not right. "But I did flush..", he thought to himself and chuckled, but only for a second, when he realised things were seriously amiss. He reached his security post, and noticed a bunch of human bodies tied and gagged at a distance. He trained his binoculars on them, and realised they were his security personnel. It didn't take him long to figure out that a bunch of intruders must have overpowered them, stripped them and might be making off with the research papers at that very moment, in security uniform.

He summoned his pet with a low, long whistle. He removed his shirt and instructed the dog to attack anyone in that uniform. AIBO swung into action almost immediately. It sprinted along the perimeter of the factory before it rushed into the building. Ramesh was surprised at the speed with which the dog returned. He surveyed the scene inside the building in awe, as the AIBO bounded around his legs enthusiatically. He counted twelve robbers, in security clothes, writhing with anguish on the floor, unable to move. He also noticed that two of them had been pinned to the wall by their collars. "You are incredible", he whispered to the dog.

The news of how a Security Guard and a robot thwarted a robbery attempt whipped the media up into a hysteric frenzy. They bombarded Ramesh with questions, and he answered them all patiently. "Does he have a name?", a reporter asked. "Errr.. Yes, he does.. Vinay", Ramesh replied after a minute's hesitation. Mr. Ramaswamy raised his eyebrow. He'd never expected him to be so attached to the dog to give him a name.

Life returned to normal, and Ramesh and Vinay continued to guard the factory for a few more years. One day, tragedy struck. Ramesh met with an accident, and lost his eyesight. "Mannn, this is so filmy!", he thought to himself, "Am I supposed to go to a temple and bang my head on a corner-stone crying to God till He takes pity on me and restores my eyesight?" Luckily for him, the author spared him.

Vijay Ramaswamy visited him in the hospital. "Worry not, Ramesh. You have served the company well all these years. It's our turn to repay you. You will be granted accommodation in one of the company's guest-bungalows. With a car and chauffeur. I have also spoken to the doctor. He says a surgery holds a 25% chance of success, but let's not lose hope."

"Thank you sir, but I am not too interested. Vinay will take care of me. En sondha oorukke pogaraen."

"Err.. Vinay ah?"

"Yes sir. I don't want the bungalow or the car or the company's money. Vinay a mattum kudunga. My entire life revolves around him now."

"Vendaam pa. Sonna kaelu. Andha naaiya thavira vera enna vena kaelu."

"Yaen sir? Naan ivalo solliyuma ungalukku puriyala avan mela uyirae vechurukaen nu?"

"Ssshh, sathama sollaadhe. Vera evanavadhu ketaan na asingama nenaipaan! Hmmm, prechanai aagum pa. Seri, nee ivalo ketathukku aparam kudukaama irukka mudiyadhu. Aana be careful."

"I will, sir. Thank you very much"

After he was discharged from the hospital, he went back to his hometown along with Vinay. Mr. Ramaswamy drove him all the way himself, and wished him luck.

The very next day, Mr. Ramaswamy spurted his morning tea when he read that a blind man was shot in Ramesh's town. He immediately drove over to see if Ramesh was safe. His trepidation rose, as he found neither Ramesh nor Vinay at his place. He made his way to the hospital mentioned in the papers. He saw Ramesh, with his arm heavily bandaged.

"I was fearing this would happen, boy."

"Vijay sir, is that you? Enna sir sollrenga?"

"Hmmm, first tell me this. Where's Vinay?"

"Theriyala sir. He never came to help me when someone shot me. What did I do to anyone? Why would anyone want to shoot me?"

"Naan sollraen. Ellathukkum kaaranam un naai thaan."

Ramesh gasped. "But.. but.. sir, avan ennodu naai. Naanga epadi ellam pazhageerukom. Avan poi epadi..?"

"Avan un naai a irukaradhu thaan pa prechanaiye. Company soththa irundha varaikkum there wouldn't have been any problem. Adhunaala thaan naan anikke vendaam sonnaen."

Ramesh was almost in tears. "Pu.. Puriyala sir.."

Mr. Ramaswamy looked at him sombrely.
"than vinay thannai sudum."

PS.
Me extremely rusty. pliss echooch! inume ipadi ellam kodumai paduthaama iruka try pannren :)

:)

2006-06-10T16:30:00.000+05:30

Astalavista

2006-04-20T21:30:00.000+05:30

I'll be disappearing for a while (no, please don't gimme that sneer that says "ha! as if u've been active all this while"). Gotta get a lotta things sorted out.

I'll be back. I promise. Don't forget me! :)
and wish me luck! Ciao.

There are a million ways to celebrate your b'day

2006-04-13T17:00:00.000+05:30

.. and I'll be spending mine writing CAT.

naan enna paavam senjaen?

Shoo!

2006-04-08T07:00:00.000+05:30

The incredible adventures of the pattikaataan pasanga

2006-03-29T20:00:00.000+05:30

Sometimes there's nothing like making a fool of yourself. It is kinda fun though, I must admit!

Myth Busted
There's a general myth in class. Never have too much hopes of going out anywhere when gals are involved in the plan too. They usually have this Cans-In-The-Supermarket effect. One pulls out, and the entire plan collapses. For a change, yesterday, the cans were held together by the same charm that had been put on The Burrow (The Weasleys' residence for the Harry Potter ignoramuses). I was initially surprised to see the resolute look in their eyes when they said "Whatever happens, we ARE going". I later realised that the look in the eyes was not determination, but hunger. No one had brought their lunchboxes that day!

The Characters
Viv - The class genius
Maanja - The womaniser ;)
Andy - The Beef man :D
Me - the paavam appaavi fellow of the group
Maimai - The usual Guilty-Supermarket-Can-At-The-Bottom-Of-The-Stack.
Saucy - The official class padipps
Gee - The polished pattikaataan!

Adventure Sports
I'm used to walking the one and a half kilometre journey out of the college to the main road. Unfortunately, the others aren't. And you can usually trust the gals to sweettalk any chap to give us a lift till the Main Road in his car. Oh, and while the sweettalkers get the prime seats, some of us get the honour of riding in the dickey. Maanja and I were the Chosen Ones.

It seemed fun to ride sitting inside an open dickey of an Alto.. for about 3 seconds. My entire life flashed before my eyes more than a coupla times by the time I reached the main road. If it wasn't for Maimai, I'd be a goner today. My life was literally in her hands, as she held on to my hand tighter everytime I looked like falling off.

It turned out that she was just acting on gut feeling. I found out when, in a rush of gratitude, I'd asked, "Were you able to feel me slip out? Coz everytime I did, you caught me tighter.", and then bit my tongue realising what I'd just said. Viv, the only other person tuned in to my frequency of double meanings, was ROTSVSL (rolling on the share van seat, laughing)!

Ascendas
"Ok, we're at NIFT. Now what?" asked Gee, squinting at me as the afternoon sun mercilessly blazed upon us.
"Now we walk to Ascendas. Don't ask me where it is, coz I've never been there either!"

And so we trudged on further, and I was extremely conscious of curses muttered at me. Oh well, vaazhkaila idhellam jagajam! A li'l while later, the imposing building loomed into view. "Welcome to Ascendas", I said, feeling like a tourist guide, "The next big thing after Tidel Park". "Ooh, look at those fountains!" chorused Saucy and Gee. (The gals had switched to Pattikaataan mode!) Maimai gave us all a puzzled look.

"Ascendas is a Tech Park?" she asked, opening and closing her mouth like a guppy fish.
"Yeah, adhula enna doubt unakku?" asked Maanja.
"Err.. I told my mom I'm going to Ascendas thinking it was a restaurant!"

The Food Court
We didn't see any Planet Yumm sign. The gals started walking into the building campus. Andy said, "waitees da.. security kaaranga avangala asinga paduthaama irundha nambalum pinnaadiye pogalaam. Adhuvaraikkum let's wait!" He he, what'll we do without quickthinkers like him! :) Fortunately (for them) and unfortunately (for us), the gals were allowed in without a word, and we followed, feeling a bit disappointed that our hopes for entertainment were dashed. The first thing they noticed was a Cafe Coffee Day with plush couches. The first thing I noticed was a huge TV with cricket on!
"Can we..", I began..
"NO!!", they replied..
And I followed them to the food court sulking.

I forgot to look sad the minute I saw the food court. It was huge! We all gaped looking around, our jaws sweeping the floor. "Wow", I heard someone whisper. "Ooh, AC!", chirped Gee. He he.. the most polished looking person in the group was determined to do her pattikataan routine!

Foooooooood!
Our radars zeroed in on Pathankot. I didn't have to look into the menu to decide what I wanted. Paneer Cheese Paratha. I'd been floored by it the previous Sunday. I don't think I'll go into the entire menu. Paavama irukku ungala paartha :P

I guess it's an unwritten rule that Tech Parks must show as much geththu as possible. Near the handwash, Gee cleared her throat loudly.. "Check out this magic", she said and walked upto the washbasin. She stretched her hands and said "Open!". The automatic tap switched on. She gave us a victorious grin. She withdrew her hand and said "Close!". It didn't. :)

It didn't hear her properly it seems.

The Chocolate Fountain
This was the main reason I'd suggested this place. The chocolate fountain. You get a choice of strawberries, bananas, marie biscuits or chocolate cakes. the cut them into tiny pieces, put them on a toothpick and you get to swirl them in the chocolate for however long u want. Repeated nibbling and swirling was out of question coz
1. It's be too messy
2. The guy was fixing us with a nasty glare

Ha! It takes more than that to deter a chocolate lover. I swirled my strawberry till my arms hurt, made sure a lotta chocolate dripped from it, and held my plate under it to avoid a mess. I nibbled happily at my strawberry knowing there was a lotta chocolate on my plate to dip! ;)

The Invisible Magnet
I firmly believe there's an invisible magnet in the Ladies' Loo. They wince when they hear me call it that. It's supposed to be a restroom, they say. I hate euphemisms.

Wherever they go, they have this pact with the ladi.. err, restroom that they HAVE to visit it once. And it's amazing how they found its location so effortlessly considering it was their first visit to Ascendas. Reconfirms my theory about magnets. So while they flirted with the loo for a good 20 minutes, we checked out the gym (from the outside). I could've sworn I heard a loud "WOW" when they walked in.

When they eventually came out, Mayimayi sheepishly admitted it. "Couldn't control da, it was soo big!"

Viv and i burst out laughing. Watch your words around Double Meaning Specialists!

The Matter Magazine and the Great Insult
Next stop - Cafe Coffee Day. I was not gonna go anywhere without watching at least half an hour of cricket! Andy and I placed our orders as we plonked on the comfy couches. "When shall we leave?", asked Saucy. "Not for the next 30 minutes", I replied. The reaction on their faces gave away an impending whine-fest. Cosmopolitan came to the rescue! "Here..", I said, chucking the mag onto Gee's lap, "matter magazine! enjoy!".

So while they indulged in another round of pattikataan giggles, we watched Bhajji rip through England. Flintoff and Jones, cleaned all ends up. I think we were making complete fools of ourselves, and the guy in charge must have lost patience. The TV automatically switched off!

We looked at one another, shook our heads in disbelief, quietly paid the bill and walked out. As I walked out of the door last, I turned just in time to see the TV back on. HMPH!

Warning
Watch out Ascendas. We're planning to do this again! Especially the Cafe Coffee Day guy... I've got revenge in mind!

Jumping onto the bandwagon

2006-03-27T19:00:00.000+05:30

What with everyone jumping on to the News bandwagon, and offering the same kinda stories and type of daily round-ups, I figured bloggers should start their own News service too..

Not a News Blog. Maybe we should branch out further.
Not a News channel. We run the risk of someone doing a Rajdeep Sardesai.
Not even a newspaper. It'd be an insult to compete with the likes of Matter Chronicle.

So here's what I suggest.

A news cookie!

We guarantee Breaking News

Chennai Right to Information Initiative

2006-03-25T00:45:00.000+05:30

Manushaalukku manusha mariyaadhaiye illaya?
Ethana naal thaan complain panneende irupom?
Public authorities evalo inefficient-a iruka, corrupt-a iruka nu ellarukkum theriyaradhu.. aana adhukku edhuvume seyya mudiyaadha?

Says who?

Do you want to play your part in effecting a transparent and accountable government without having it disturb your daily life?

Can you spend two hours a week volunteering from home / work / beach / coffee-shop?

Yes? Good..
Then check these out.. Link 1 | Link 2

Haiii! Vera edhavadhu information irukka ungakitta? Ivaa engayavadhu meeting organise panni idha pathi solluvaaLa? Naan kelambeeten!

Adha naane sollraen..

A one-hour meeting has been organized at 5 PM on Sunday, March 26 at
Altius IAS Study Circle
27, Eldams Road, Alwarpet
Chennai 600018

The meeting will be to bring together people interested in this initiative. The idea outlined in the will be explained and discussed. Please drop in to the meeting to know more and contribute your opinion. If you know anyone who might be interested in this initiative, please forward this information. Word of mouth publicity about this would be great, thanks! If you are interested and would like to attend the meeting, send in an email to chennairti@gmail.com.

For more information, contact
Email: chennairti@gmail.com
Groups: Yahoo Group - chennairti-subscribe@yahoogroups.com | Google Group

Surya confesses

2006-03-16T21:45:00.000+05:30

En paeru Surya. Naan oruthan thaan. Enakku bayam na enna nu theriyaadhu.

Adhunaala thaan naan eppovum vidha vidhama roles la nadikaradhu nu mudivu panninen. Appo yaen en kadasee film mattum ipadi ellarum pannra maathiri oru masala role panninen nu kekalaam. Adhu en astrologer pannina velai.

[Sorry. Due to technical difficulties, the coil refuses to suthify. Please swirl your head around a couple of times. Thank you.]

(A few months back)
Astrologer : Sonna paecha kaelu pa.. Namba director Hari nalla director. Andha padam panna oththukko.
Surya : Andha script-a padichengala? Regular masala kadhai. Idha yaen pannanam?
Astrologer : Sonna paecha kaelu pa.. Ororu actor-um hit padam kudukanam nu thaan yosipaanga. Idhu kandippa superhit. Act pannu pa.
Surya : Dialogues ellame galeeja irukku ya.. Idha naan panni thaan aaganama?
Astrologer : Indha padam kandippa odum pa.. Enna nambu..
Surya : Adha epadi avalo urudhiya solreenga odum nu?
Astrologer : Padam paeru apadi.
Surya : Padam paerukkum odarathukkum enna sambandham?
Astrologer : Aaru na oda thaane pa seyyum!

(A few weeks after the movie's release)
Surya : Yow! Unna nambi naan andha dabba padathula nadichen! Kandippa odum sonniye, aparam yaen ya flop aachu!!
Astrologer : Sorry pa.. Chennai la aaru odaathu nu marandhu poitaen!

How to screw up your life

2006-03-15T07:00:00.000+05:30

Tuitions taught here.

Harry Potter and the Squib-Maker - Conclusion

2006-03-09T16:00:00.000+05:30

[That's the title of the 7th book? Didn't you know? I had to do long-distance Legilimency to obtain the concluding para of the Harry Potter series from the authoress herself.

Prescript (does that even exist?) :
I'm dead bored. College-la onnum nadakala nu veetukku vandhuten. Match-um delayed. So enna pannradhu nu theriyaama wrote this. The mokkainess is directly proportional to my boredom. Pliss echoos!]

Snape was the good guy after all. It was his suggestion to lure Lord Voldemort into the Squib-Maker. Harry recollected the last few moments in slow motion. How Voldemort had bent down to pick up a knut. How he had kicked him into the Squib-Maker and shut the door. How helpless Voldemort was when he emerged out of the contraption. A satisfied smirk climbed high on Harry's cheeks.

Ginny Weasley was so elated to see Harry back alive that she proposed on the spot. And Harry accepted, much to the consternation of the Weasleys. "But.. But... This is child marriage! My Ginny is just a child. This.. This is illegal!", Molly spluttered. "It's alright, Mrs. Weasley. We'll wait for a year. I'm glad the wizards turn into adults at 17.", said Harry.

The Weasleys had no choice. They let Harry stay back in The Burrow for a year, as long as he behaved and in Arthur's words, "errr.. stayed under control". Harry grinned and accepted. The next one year at The Burrow saw many changes in Harry. He was losing his magical powers. He realised that the bond between Voldemort and him extended much beyond what even Dumbledore had predicted. Harry realised that he'd been destined to be as powerful as his nemesis, and unfortunately, Voldemort was now totally powerless breaking stones in a Muggle Prison. Harry had to look for other options to cover up his debilitation.

Being an Electrician was out of question, as wizards didn't need it anyways. He was too frail to be a game-keeper and too much of a Squib to even hope to be employed by the Ministry of Magic. Carpentry, Plumbing, Cooking - Harry tried them all, and failed miserably. After nine agonising months, (No, Harry stayed under control. Read the sentence fully before you jump to conclusions) Harry realised he showed some spark with earthernware.

He started making pots and vessels out of clay and was beginning to get really good at it. Harry and Ginny got married amidst great pomp and ceremony. As was usual in Harry's life, every good news was followed by bad news. He realised that Ginny was irked by his magiclessness. She began harassing him, calling him a Good-For-Nothing creature, and hexed him often for being such a useless husband.

And that's the story of how Harry Potter became a harried potter.

Postscript (I know for sure that this exists!):
I'm trying my best to get a life. Don't mention it!

It isn't easy..

2006-03-03T12:00:00.000+05:30

... being the son of a pair of overachievers who've come up the hard way.

Weirdo?

2006-02-27T23:30:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I feel I'm a total weirdo. (Yes, only sometimes. Hey! Stop smirking!)

Quite a many friends have pointed out that I've got an emotional range of a robot with dead battery. Thanks guys, but I already know it myself! :) I pull a blank when confronted with serious situations, laugh at emotional scenes in movies and sneer at soppy, senti sms forwards I receive every morning.

However, my problem with babies takes the cake. I find it surprising how babies and young kids automatically come to me. Surprising coz I'll be busy running the other way! I get so flustered around them, not knowing how to talk to them, not knowing how to hold them, that I prefer staying a good distance away, smiling at the antics of other grown-ups making a fool of themselves, uttering complete gibberish to a kid who might be thinking "This is why I take so long to learn to speak!".

I've gotta learn how to differentiate infants. I feel they all look the same. The same puffed cheeks, the same chinky eyes, the same pout, the same head that's twice the size of the body. In fact, they kinda look like they're made outta chapathy maavu. But idha sollumbodhu, en friend en kooda sandaiku vandhuta. "Thoo! Naaya paartha cute-a theriyudhu, kozhandhaiya paartha theriyalaya?"

I love dogs, I can handle them. But babies, hmmm, I guess I'll learn at some point of time! :D And then, I'll probably understand why people fawn over and recognise facial similarities to a parent in a living lump of chapathy maavu!

Godfather, the meejic

2006-02-18T23:00:00.000+05:30

I admit it's certainly not upto the dizzying standards Rahman has set himself, but it's much better than most of the songs being churned out these days. Rahman has tried to please the masses for a change, and I think he just might have pulled it off with this album!

I've been bugging the guys at Odyssey ever since I saw an ad in The Hindu on wednesday saying the audio's out. It was just a large-scale false alarm! It was originally scheduled for a friday release, and that was when it eventually got released anyway. My sixth visit in three days proved fruitful as the guy at the music section promptly handed me the CD and sent me packing!

The CD cover is, hmmm, to put it mildly - lousy! I mean, this is the first Asin album I'm buying, I'd have been a lot happier with more of her pics! But seriously, it really is pathetic. Shoddy typesets, mixed up track listing, Ajith in a Bharathanatyam pose right in the front! Brrrr!

Anyways, here's what I think of the songs (in the order in which they caught my attention)

Track 6 : Thottapuram
I've been addicted to this song mainly coz of the way the kids sing the song. Sonu Kakar, the Babuji zara dheere chalo female, kadichu thuppifies thamizh. Kalpana's a lot better. But there's a lotta telugu thrown in.. Maybe it was meant to be that way. Still catchy all the same. Rahman certainly knows how to make these kids sing!

Track 8 : Theeyil vizhundha
Thalaivaaaaa! Rahman's voice is getting better and better. He's sung this with a lotta soul, and it shows.. Am glad he's exploring a lot more with his vocal range and not just sticking to the "come-cry-go" interludes :)

Track 2 : Kamma Karaiyile
He he he.. Rahman gives Deva a run for his money with galeej beats, galeejer tune and galeejest lyrics! Orae kuththu.. Dunno what got into Vairamuthu. "Kattil melae kabadi kabadi, Kaaman thaan di referee referee"! LOL! Naresh Iyer has replaced Karthik as Rahman's blue-eyed boy for the season.. He sounds exactly like Karthik when he begins..

Tracks 4, 7, and 9 : Innisai [Radio mix], Innisai [Film mix] and Innisai (the original!)
Ajith-a vechundu Bharathanatyam risk ellam thevai thaana? :( But the song's pretty good.. Naresh Iyer again, ivanukku adichurukku lucku! He accompanies Mahathi. The radio mix caught my attention though. Why wouldn't it, if a classical song is interspersed with a dappanguthu interlude? :)

Tracks 5 and 1 : Illamai and Illamai [Remix]
Certainly a chartbuster, but I found it kinda ok. Below par by Rahman's standards, but can't stop humming it. Strange! :) The original song has an interlude that sounds like a Chinese kezhavi singing. Listened to it with a very bemused expression on my face! Somehow Aslam singing "Sophia, Malikka, Fausiya, Yashika" instead of "Illamai" in the end reminds me of Chinni Jayanth! The remixed track sees Suresh Peters making a comeback. Blaaze leaves his imprint too. It's strange how remixes compulsively play around with the voices. Blaaze sounds like Donald Duck!

Track 3 : Kaatril
Utter crap. I don't wanna talk about this. I really dunno what Rahman was thinking when he added this "Hey hey Saahiba" chant. vaai-la green green-a coming!

But in all, it's a nice album. Not too ostentatious, neither too dull. But please don't compare it with Rang De Basanti. This is an Ajith movie. Indha music-ae jaasthi! :P

How a species was saved

2006-02-14T20:45:00.000+05:30

Much before the first human walked the earth, another social creature made its entry into this world, vying for breathing space with the rest of the living beings. At first, a single male ant popped out of nowhere. He felt extremely lonely. "I'm supposed to be a busy creature", he lamented, "but I have nothing to do!"

He roamed around looking for something to do. He walked from one end of the earth to the other, looking for company. Never resting, never looking back to see how far he'd walked, he carried on braving the harsh weather and the threat of being trampled upon by creatures far bigger than he was. He was frustrated with life, frustrated with God for having abandoned him so. He walked back to where he started from, and received a pleasant surprise.

He saw a female ant standing a little distance away. He'd never seen a more beautiful sight in his life. The female ant pouted her mandibles, and performed as close an imitation to a cat-walk as can be performed on six legs. To humans, her strut might have resembled a careening truck steered by a drunken driver, but to the solitary male ant, it was the confluence of Ash dancing to Khajre Re, of Yana Gupta walking down the ramp in all her glory, of Angelina Jolie doing what she does best, of.. oh, never mind.. It was the most beautiful sight he'd seen.

"Where were you all this while, oh fair maiden?", he enquired. It didn't matter to him that she was blacker than the night. He'd rehearsed this dialogue all through his cross-continental trek, and was desperately hoping to get a chance to say it out loud. "I was right here all along, my fair Prince", she cooed. Ants had a thing for the word 'fair'. Crazy creatures.

The little cog in the little wheel in the little brain of the little ant turned a little. "You mean you saw me looking down in the dumps, feeling bored out of my mind, before I embarked on my journey?", he asked, his eyes narrowing. She giggled and nodded her head, her antennae making swishing sounds reminiscent of the sound effect that accompanies every movement of Rajnikanth's hand. The little cog turned a little more. "And you didn't call out to me? You didn't care to stop me?", he growled, his voice taking on as much of a menacing inflection as his little squeak would permit.

"I'm sorry!", the female ant cried, "I thought you were just going out for a stroll. While you were gone, I ate this grain of rice that had been marked 'FORBIDDEN', and from that moment onwards, the indicator needle in my mind went from Crush to Love to I-Can't-Wait-Anymore! Come here, tiger!"

"To hell with you", the male ant retorted. "Now I know where I stand. I'm just a plaything to be used when needed, and discarded when you're satisfied." The female ant gaped at him, horrified. She hadn't expected him to react this way. She had been given instructions from Up Above that she was the Queen and that every male ant would obey her command without a word. But here was the only male ant in the world, standing her up even though she was literally pleading.

She recollected the contract she'd seen before being despatched to Earth. It had clearly mentioned seducing the male ant and building a colony. The entire future of the ant species rested on her shoulders, or perhaps a little further down! Panic started to creep in. She begged, she threatened, she cried, she joked, she performed a little belly-dance.. nothing worked. "Why won't you cooperate, oh great warrior?", she wailed, "Don't you realise the consequences? We'd probably be the first, and the last ants ever to walk the face of the Earth!" The male ant was unmoved. He walked off in a huff, leaving the Queen high and dry.

The Queen spent the next few days trying to sweet-talk him into giving in. She even tried sneaking the forbidden grain in his lunch, but he found out. The countdown timer in her body-clock started flashing warning lights and sirens rang in her head. But he was stubborn in his stand. The countdown timer went into the critical zone. 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. She knew it was now or never. She accosted him on his way to collect grains.

"I'm committing suicide", she said grimly.
"Wh.. wh.. what???", he stuttered, dropping his grain in the process.
"I'm committing suicide", she reiterated, "It makes no difference whether I die today, or later. We've failed in our mission. If we don't make an effort to build a colony within the next two days, we'd never get a chance to again. And with us, our entire species will die a premature death. You are way too stubborn for your own good. It was nice knowing you, err.. I don't even know your name."
"I'm Adam", he mumbled, "and I'm sorry, I don't know yours either."
"I'm Eve", she replied, "Goodbye."
She turned around, and started walking with great grace. "Goodbye cruel world", she said softly.

The aforementioned cog began to turn again. "WAIT", he screamed. "Wait, I'm ready!"
The Queen turned her head in slow motion. "What did you say?", she asked, her frown easing into a relieved smile. "I said I'm ready. Let's do it!", he replied, grinning broadly.

Both of them ran towards each other in ultra-slo-mo. Wings fluttered, and they took off, consummating their relationship midflight.

A few days later, their efforts bore fruit as she shed her wings and laid her eggs. "Our babies", she whispered, "Aren't they lovely?" "They are...", he replied in a low voice, "And I almost screwed up." "No you didn't, you screwed me!", she laughed. "I'm really sorry, Princess. I shouldn't have been so stubborn. I gave you such a hard time. I'm such an obstinate prat."

"Oh, don't be silly", she said, "it isn't your fault that you're Adam-Ant".

Transformation

2006-02-07T23:15:00.000+05:30

"Such intense eyes. I'd do anything to make him act in my play!"

Rajiv could only smile at Anu's statement. "So are you gonna try asking him?", he enquired. "Of course man! He's just the kind of character I need. A brooding demeanour, intense intense eyes, overwhelming aloofness. Abhishek's perfect for the role!"

Rajiv eyed Anu suspiciously. "So why are you telling me all this? Why don't you just go ahead and ask him?". He wasn't able to conceal his grin. He knew Anu felt a bit intimidated by Abhishek's pensive disposition.

"Err.. you're such a good friend of his, Rajiv. I was kinda hoping you'd talk him into it", Anu simpered. "You know, you're such a sweet fellow, you go outta the way to help your friends in need and all. Won't you do this little favour for poor little me?". She was batting her eyelashes furiously. "Please? Pretty please? With sugar on it please? Come on, what more do you expect me to do? Kneel and beg? If we weren't sitting in the canteen, I'd do that too!"

Rajiv waved his hand dismissively. "Nice try, Anu. But no can do. You know how he is. I think it's better if you do the asking yourself."

Anu realised she was fighting a losing battle. "Ok, at least tell me what kind of a person he is. I've ummm.. heard strange things about him..."

Rajiv remained silent for a while. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Hmmm.. Yeah. He does have a kinda fragile ego. He's extremely self conscious. Doesn't like to be teased, doesn't like to be proved wrong. He might snap if you unwittingly offend him. So be careful while talking to him. He can nurse a grudge for years! Oru vaati prestige problem nu he didnt talk to me for an entire semester. I had to apologise profusely to get back to talking terms. He's not talking to me again coz of some silly spat we had."

Anu looked at Abhishek who was sitting in a corner with his book. His unkempt hair, neglected stubble and his crazy looking moustache made him just perfect for the role of a drug addict trying to reform. She paused a moment, pulled herself up to full height and started to walk briskly towards him.

She mustered all her courage and said, "Abhishek?". Abhishek turned so quickly that he cricked his neck. He regarded her for a minute before he massaged his neck and replied in a disinterested, dull voice, "Yes?"

Bloody hell! His voice is perfect too! Why am I getting so excited about a nerdy-looking guy? It's just a proposal for a role. Calm down before people start giving you weird looks!

"Excuse me?" Abhishek interrupted Anu's frantic thoughts.

"Oh, sorry! I'm Anu. Rajiv's friend. We've met.", she twaddled as she extended her hand. Abhishek threw her a contemptuous glance, and she withdrew her hand immediately. "Listen, I direct plays and I have this role I've auditioned a lotta people for. But you fit the bill perfectly, would you like to do it? Please?"

His glare softened a bit, and Anu took it that he wanted her to go on. "It's a role of a drug addict. I believe you're perfect for the role!"

DAMN! Congrats Ms. Blabbermouth, you effed it up.

Abhishek growled, "So you mean to say I look like a drug addict?" Anu stammered before she regained her composure and rattled on, "Hey, sorry! No offense meant! I got a bit carried away thinking of all the make-up money I could save. Ha ha. That was just a joke. Err.. Sorry.. Ayyo, what am I blabbering?"

"Rajiv!", she hollered across the room, "Back me up!"

Rajiv smiled, showed her a thumbs-up sign and walked out of the canteen.

"Shit! I'm sorry Abhi.. Can I call you Abhi? Please accept the role! I'm begging you! I don't think anyone else will do justice to it. Your eyes, they're so intense, they speak for themselves. Please please please!!! Or at least hear me out, please?"

She was certain it wasn't a trick of light. Abhishek's face showed a faint trace of a smile.

YESSSS!

She looked at him, eyes pleading his to consider her offer. He nodded. She performed a little celebratory jig. In her mind, of course. She quickly briefed him about the role. She stepped out of the canteen, her heart soaring with delight. She let out a whoop of joy, startling the errand boy, as the plates in his hands flew in all directions.

The next day, Anu was busy with the Art Director when a handsome looking man came up to her and said hello. Anu couldn't place him initially and then it hit her. A clean shaven Abhishek was smiling back at her. "Oh no! Now we need to pay for the make up! Why did you do this, you idiot? But hey, you're looking good."

She expected him to snap back, but he continued to smile. She raised her eyebrow and handed him his copy of the script. "We'll rehearse Scene II now. You make an entry later in the scene. Don't forget your lines!" Abhishek nodded and walked to a corner to mug up his lines.

Rajiv dropped in to check on how Abhishek and Anu were doing when he noticed the transformation in his friend. He couldn't believe his eyes. No beard, no moustache, no shifty eyes, no droop in shoulders, this wasn't the Abhi he knew. He approached him apprehensively, knowing Abhishek wouldn't have forgotten the silly fight. "How're you da?", Abhi said warmly. Rajiv was taken aback. "I.. I thought you wouldn't talk to me.."

"Free-a vidu machi.. Past is past"
"Aagaa.. enna da aachu unakku? Is this my friend Abhishek?"
"He he.. no more prestige problem for me da. I literally felt my ego deflate when I shaved today."
"Adhukkum idhukkum enna da sambandham?"
"Simple. Inume meesaila mann ottara problem-ae illa."

007

2006-02-03T15:45:00.000+05:30

I'm bored.
Dead bored.

Sometime in the future

2006-01-25T00:15:00.000+05:30

It was amazing how some silly theory written ages ago by a once famous Indian author proved to be the key to cracking mind-numbing examinations.

Ryan had chanced across a dusty old book in his college library. Five Point Someone, by Chetan Bhagat, it said. He flipped through the first few pages, and did a double take. Did his eyes play a trick on him, or did he indeed catch the names "Ryan", "Hari" and "Alok"? He scrolled back a few pages and confirmed that he had, as a matter of fact, read those names.

Talk of weird coincidences. His roomies were called Hari and Alok too! He read the book completely and something in it lit a light bulb inside his head.

C2D - Cooperate to Dominate.

That was it! That was exactly what he needed to know. He was sick of cramming 3 CDs full of lessons. He didn't remember half of it in the exams anyway. He formulated a plan. Ryan, Hari and Alok needed to mug up only one CD each.

On the day of the exam, the three of them, having read only a third of the syllabus each, were understandably nervous. What if the plan flopped? "Relax", Ryan told the other two, "Trust me on this one."

Before entering the hall, the three took out an ink bottle and poured some into the bottle-cap. "We won't die, will we?", Hari asked, still feeling apprehensive. Ryan smiled, held up the bottle-cap and said, "Bottoms up!". He took a quick swig, swirled it around his mouth like a Wine Taster, and finally spat it out.

"Go on guys, do it", he urged. Hari and Alok followed suit, and shook their heads wondering how they allowed Ryan to talk them into this.

Inside the exam hall, Ryan was a picture of calm. He answered all the questions he knew, from the portions he'd studied. He'd instructed the other two to do the same. One hour into the exam, he was through writing everything he knew. Hari and Alok, fidgeted around in their seats, waiting for Ryan to complete. The three glanced at each other, and Ryan gave the smallest of nods.

Hari and Alok closed their eyes. A buzzing sound filled their brain. A message popped up in their mind's eye, that read "Ryan". They blinked once, as if to click. Immediately, their brain started filling with information they hadn't even studied. It was the portions Ryan studied. Alok then nodded, while the other two closed their eyes and read Alok's mind. Once they were satisfied they'd squeezed the last information from his brain, it was Hari's turn last.

With their brain loaded with information, the trio answered the rest of the questions with ease. An hour and a half later, the bell rang to signal the end of the exam. The students trooped out, some mumbling to themselves, some wearing dazed looks and some discussing the question paper with his neighbour. Ryan, Hari and Alok strode out confidently, knewing they had written a perfect exam.

"How the hell did that happen, man?!", Alok asked Ryan incredulously.

Ryan grinned at him, displaying 32 perfect pearlies spoiled by ink-stains. "Simple", he said,
"Blue Tooth Technology".

History repeats itself

2006-01-21T07:45:00.000+05:30

First things first.
A million thanks to everyone who offered to gimme a copy of their Rahman collection. If I need any particular album, I'll shout across for sure. Thanks folks..

But just a coupla things.

One - All his movie albums, I'm pretty sure I can get back in no time.. It's the other stuff that I'd gone around collecting, like his BGMs, his Ads, his videos, snippets from Bombay Dreams, clippings of his interviews, that I'm worried about. Will this make me become "just another Rahmaniac"? Maybe not. But it still leaves a lingering pinch of sadness.

Two - Windows didn't crash. My hard disk did. As in, reaching a point where it wasn't even getting detected in the BIOS settings. My removable drives were detected, my hard disk drew a blank. Tried it out on another comp. Same result. To make things worse, it made a noise not too different from an autorickshaw driving with a puncture. An unnerving "tak tak" at regular intervals.

Ok, I think it's about time to get back to what this post was about.

See the title?

See the picture? :(

Rimmed glasses, here I come!

PS:
I flicked this pic off the net. But my glasses look exactly the same, and the condition it met with is ditto too. Right down to the place where the lens chipped. Spooky!

PS2:
My blog is turning out to be a pulambal forum! :( Hmmm..

Crash

2006-01-18T21:45:00.000+05:30

Whenever I was upset, I listened to Rahman's music.
Now I'm upset because I'll not be able to.

My hard disk crashed, and with it went all my data. All the stuff I've been creating from 8th standard. All my pics. All the cool stuff. But most importantly, my painstakingly built Rahman Collection.

I feel lousy.

A picture speaks 2 words

2006-01-14T12:45:00.000+05:30

Happy Pongal!

Disclaimer: I flicked this pic from google! I have no idea who eats such a weird combo!! :)

Enna Kodumai idhu, Saravanan

2006-01-13T13:00:00.000+05:30

While the whole world's watching the India-Pakistan clash, not even daring to press a button on the remote, here I am pressing F5 every 30 seconds on Cricinfo's Live Scorecard :(

What did Chennai do to deserve this?

Jus a few things

2006-01-08T22:45:00.000+05:30

1. You must be crazy to ride a bike in B'lore at 11:30 in the night.

2. You must be crazy to think wearing a loose shirt over a T-shirt will keep out the cold.

3. You must be me to do points 1 and 2 together :(

4. The more Peter the eatery is, the more galeej is the lighting.

5. Never play a game of fetch with a dog where the fetcher is you! Coz the dog ends up loving it, and will bite your ankle off its joints if you don't continue playing the stupid game.

6. Whenever a blogger Y becomes a regular reader of, say, X's blog, he/she becomes a regular reader of every blog in X's friends circle. It's like Y becoming a part of the family. And eventually, over a period of time, Y's friends circle (if Y is not a newbie) merges with X's.. One big happy family!

7. A gal accompanied by her dad finds it highly entertaining to stare at you right through the train journey. If you stare back, her dad stares at you. Then you stare at your shoes. Stupid game!

8. It feels good to find long lost things while cleaning out your stuff.. Especially if you find a forgetten and obviously well-hidden stash of money. LOT of money! :D

Gotta Learn

2006-01-01T08:45:00.000+05:30

I seriously have to learn to word those poetic, heartfelt greetings smattered with bombastic words! I hit a redundant high with "Happy New Year" and "Have a wonderful year ahead"!

well, Happy New Year! Have a wonderful year ahead!
*shrugs*

PS.
It's not everyday that I publish 2 posts on the same day.. Take pity on me and read the one below too, please. Thankoo! :)

Perennial Margazhi

2006-01-01T00:00:00.000+05:30

The police, the scientists, even the Government knew they were dealing with something weird. Something so absurd, that it made absolutely no sense. That's what "absurd" means, but excuse me for trying to drive home a point! There was something positively creepy about the pattern followed by the occurences of these shady incidents. Oh alright, I'll get a move on it before I find more synonyms for "weird".

Incident 1:
Ajay and Priya, a young newly-wed couple, had planned their honeymoon in Simla. Their travel agent had completely muffed up, and these two didn't know how they were going to manage. "You are now sitting in Grand Trunk Express to Delhi saar.. After that Howrah-Kalka Mail from Delhi saar.. then jolly toy train Shivalik Deluxe Express.." the guy had screamed through the phone, as Ajay held his mobile a good foot away from his ear. Nothing made sense to him. He didn't even know a place called Kalka existed, which was to be expected of a person who had proudly announced "The Northernmost point in India I've visited before is Thirupathi", just before the trip. He decided to take things as they come, and was pretty calm about the entire fiasco.

Priya, on the other hand, was losing her patience. A stickler for meticulous planning, she'd found Ajay's attitude blasphemous. "How can he be so chilled out about the whole thing?", she wondered as she looked at her sorry-looking now-chewed-down nails on her hennaed hand. "What did the moron say?", she asked her husband glaring at him as if it was all his fault. Ajay smiled, "Not too sure, but he has a pretty madrasi sounding 'saar' for a Northie!". He raised his eyebrows in surprise when his bride let out a string of the choicest expletives. "Adi paavi! What happened to the 'mild mannered, sweet tempered homely girl' description on the matrimonial site?!" "Oh, Shut up!", she snapped, still glowering.

Ajay spent the rest of the journey trying to cheer her up. He made a mental note to pay more attention to Ferrari's He-She series. "That guy could probably be a life-saver!", he reflected. He gave up by the time the train pulled over in Bhopal. He closed his eyes in resignation, and drifted off to sleep. Priya felt sorry for him. "It wasn't his fault. Maybe I shouldn't be giving him such a torrid time." She had some pretty outrageous ideas forming in her mind to make it up to him, but none of them could be carried out in full view of the public! She had them archived in a corner of her brain thinking she'd be using them a lot sooner than she expected to. Afterall, they had the entire ~~vestibule~~ cabin to themselves! Ajay wouldn't know what hit him. With her mind finally calming down, she nodded off to sleep.

As the train chugged on, both of them woke up looking tired. A 36 hour train journey does that to you. Both of them remained silent, mentally willing the other to make the first move. By the time the train reached Agra, Ajay was feeling tingly all over. "This is a train, this is a train", he muttered to himself over and over. Priya was not helping things either, giving him a mysterious smile and a come-hither look. His mind was blanking out. "THIS IS A TRAIN, THIS IS A GOD-DAMNED TRAIN!" he frantically reminded himself, as they unconsciously moved closer to each other.

Suresh, the tea vendor working for the railways, always felt "There's nothing like tea to get you up and going". That day, while passing through a particular ~~vestibule~~ cabin, he realised there was just one other thing that scored over tea. The railway crew had a topic to gossip about, and were surprised to know this wasn't the first such occurence. It had happened before on the same train, and always happened at the fag end of the journey.

Incident 2:
Mohan Lamba had wanted to be an ornithologist ever since he learnt to spell the word. Before that, he wanted to be a bird-watcher.

He had been fascinated by the flight of birds even as a kid and had his future all charted out even when other kids his age were busy with Santa Claus and the Tooth-Fairy. He was especially enamoured by the path of migratory birds. The patterns they flew in. Their relentless pursuit of balmy conditions.

By the time he saw his 46th winter, he had built quite a reputation for himself as a leading ornithologist in India and had won great acclaim all over the world for his studies and findings. There was one phenomenon in his own hometown, however, that perplexed him. Birds flying in from Nepal towards Bharathpur Sactuary in Rajasthan behaved in a rather unusual manner as they stopped over the little marshy waterhole a few kilometres away from the Taj Mahal. These birds, he knew as a fact, preferred to "have fun", only between the months of March and June. But they contradicted their entire behavioural pattern as they mated like there was no tomorrow. Mohan seriously began doubting if the waterhole was filled with love-potion.

He was determined to get to the root of the mystery after he'd observed this for the third consecutive year.

Incident 3:
The police were baffled to see so many cases of rape along National Highway No. 2. It seemed to happen with alarming frequency particularly during the stretch from Delhi to the place where it intersected with National Highways 3 and 11. There was something definitely out of place. Even the animals behaved like hormone-driven, lust-crazed sex-maniacs.

Conclusion:
The Government had no clue as to what was causing all this. They knew there was only one person who could solve this mystery. Only one person who could give the perfect explanation. No, not Mr. Mathrubhootham. It was, in fact, a person who could give a suitable answer to at least solve the mystery, if not find a way to counter it.

Me! :)

And if you please unclench your fist, un-grit your teeth and take back all the abuses you hurled at me right now, I'd be glad to give you the answer.

Done?

Good.

I call it the Via Agra Effect!

PS:
Wish all you folks a Happy New Year!! As the tagline of the 2050 blog goes, May You Live In Interesting Times!

and oh, if you found any factual errors like "There are no ~~vestibules~~ cabins (thanks Sheky) in GT Express", or "There are no migratory paths from Nepal to Rajasthan", my apologies. I take things for granted when it comes to my kadis! :)

Contortion

2005-12-26T12:30:00.000+05:30

"I dare you to!"

This was a direct challenge to his resolute spirit. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. By the time he opened his eyes, he had made up his mind. Without a second thought, his hand quickly popped it into his mouth.

His hand was still covering his lips. As he slowly brought it down, his friends gaped at him in disbelief. Their pupils dilated in awe of what they witnessed.

The corner of his mouth began to twitch. Frown lines engraved deep burrows into his forehead. His eyes rolled back, and he shut it tight to prevent it from popping out. His face contorted into a grotesque grimace. His head started to jerk horribly. His eyes threatened to water as he crimpled his nose. He hid his face behind his palms and collapsed to his knees.

As suddenly as it started, the twitching reduced. He let out short shallow gasps and bent over. His friends were still staring with their mouth agape. And slowly, he stood up, and took his hands away from his face. The corner of his mouth curled once more, but this time into a smile. He broke into a wide grin as his friends cheered aloud.

It had been ages since he had tasted the ultra-tangy CentreShock chewing gum. The effect was still the same.

Oru oorula...

2005-12-23T18:00:00.000+05:30

Neha: me latest ah heard 1 very interestin story!!!

Neha: oru guy had gone to his gf s house ok?

magix: anga ava paati vadai suttaangala?

magix: seri, neeye sollu!!

Neha: vootla all ppl there time!

magix: oho! appo kya hua?

Neha: payyan vandhu ponna thooki irukaan

magix: aahaa

Neha: appo unexpected ah her patti came into the room n saw!!!

magix: paati vadai sudarathukku bathila payyana suttutaangala?

Neha:

Neha: he has mazhupified sayin balcony la vazhukkiduthu so she sprained her ankle adhu dhaan thookinae nu

Neha: adhukullayum tht gal was cryin

magix: aagaaaa

Neha: he has told vali thaanga mudiyama she was cryin adhu dhaan thookittu vandhu bed la puttings nu

Neha: her mom has come

magix: bed-a? hmmm!

Neha: she actually believed the story

magix: soooper!!!

Neha: ponna samaadhaana paduththi kaala konjam light a thechu vittutu walk panni try panna sollirukaanga

Neha: beku ponnu apdiyae casual a ezhundhu nadandhu poi "seri aahiduchu ma" nu tellings!!!

magix:

Neha: cha payyan epdi scene ah manage panni irukaan situation ah

Neha: ponnu ipdi sodhapiduchchae

magix: if this is not ur frd's/ur kadhai, this conversation wud make a great post for a blog!

-
There are those who get inspired by conversations and come up with blog posts...
And there are those who just copy-paste them! :)

Hmph!!

2005-12-21T18:50:00.000+05:30

---------------------------------------------

thozhiliye maatheetaanga ba :(

[click on the pic for a bigger image]

Depressed

2005-12-17T08:30:00.000+05:30

Dejected.. with seeds of misery sown

Cheerless.. with happiness unknown

Crestfallen.. with my last hope torn

Atrabilious.. I am, for melancholy, born

Wretched.. in a deplorable state

Miserable.. with sorrow in spate

Morose.. sitting in dark gloom

Despondent.. awaiting my doom

Woebegone.. my heart etched with deep sorrow

Disconsolate.. crying like there's no tomorrow

Lugubrious.. feeling exaggeratedly sad

Glum.. enveloped in a feeling so bad

Relax, this isn't one of those "heartfelt, senti, my cries of pain conveyed, blah blah and some more blah" poems. I can't even read them, let alone write.. I'm jus preparing for GRE! :P

PS.
konjam changes done!

Same difference - 3

2005-12-12T18:30:00.000+05:30

When do you know a person has transformed from a sexy babe into a lump of fat?

A hawt chick is bothered by the stares..

A err.. well rounded individual is bothered by the stairs..

[P.S
Aunt Marge image courtesy : here! Google image search showed me the way, but didn't wanna take a risk! :D ]

Run Out

2005-12-07T20:30:00.000+05:30

It was quite a tough task plodding away through the beach sand for every run.

I was playing cricket after almost a year yesterday, and did something that'd make even The Injured Angel proud! I was very painfully reminded about how long it's been since I played, by my aching limbs and muscles today morning, but that's secondary.

Beach cricket with one narrow strip of hard surface doesnt help matters either. All the running was done on loose sand, and each effort to get to the other end of the pitch seemed as if I'd run a thousand miles. It is also a pity that with every trip to Bangalore, I put on an alarming amount of weight and the only way I burn it off is by playing cricket. But two trips to Bangalore in a year with absolutely no cricket meant, well, I was in perfect shape. A perfect sphere. :(

I could take it no more. Running on the pitch was the only way out. The shooting pain in the leg was the only thing that mattered, not the stony rough pitch full of coarse sand and sharp pieces of rock. I was at the non-striker's end when the batsman tapped the ball straight to the fielder and took off for a single. Ah, finally! Something to put me out of my misery! I ran with absolutely no hope of getting to the other end, straight down the pitch.

Halfway down, I tripped. The momentum made me bounce twice on one foot, a bit like playing hopscotch in the middle of a cricket field, and went crashing to the ground. Physics did the rest. I went sliding all the way to the crease, and remember the sharp rock and coarse sand? They all said hi.. maybe a bit too enthusiastically!

I got up, feeling a bit embarrassed, wiping the blood off my arm, hoping my friends wouldn't roll on the floor too much, laughing. Instead, I was greeted with a reaction diametrically opposite to what I expected. Mouth agape, staring wide eyed, my friends had a totally incredulous look pasted on their faces.

"Dei, un wicket-ku aanalum ivalo priority kudukka koodadhu da! ada paavi, kallu mullu kooda paarkama dive adikariye run out aagama irukka! Not out.. sandhoshama?"

The blood was worth it. :)

PS.
While we're discussing run outs, here's a trivia question.

Q. Name the only South African batsman who has never been run out in his life. Not even while playing school cricket. Even if he's involved in a mix up, and it gets referred to the third umpire, he always gets the green light.

A. Just in Kemp :)

Shrieking Shack

2005-12-02T13:30:00.000+05:30

An unpublished write-up by an investigative journalist written almost 10 years ago.

November 15, 1995

Residents of Nippon Society, Juhu Church are quite used to shrill high-pitched shrieks coming from the most celebrated mansion in their area. The Tandon House has been the source of such disturbance for over a year now. The bloodcurdling screams that rent the air at frequent intervals resulted in the alarmed neighbours holding a meeting and deciding to approach the Tandons and demand an explanation. They'd held back for a while owing to the fact that Raveena had just only made it to bigtime showbiz recently, having got a major breakthrough with Mohra (1994).

The explanation given by the Tandons satisfied the residents of Nippon Society and they promised to remain tightlipped about the issue since it could hamper the girl's future in Hindi Cinema. Some were even amused and everytime they heard the screams after that, they chuckled instead of scurrying for cover. When this writer tried to persuade the residents to talk in an attempt to get to the root of this mystery, they vehemently refused to comment. They had no intentions of embarrassing their golden girl whom they'd seen grow up in front of their eyes into a ravishing beauty and felt she should be celebrated, now that she was finally getting noticed.

The Tandons too refused to comment. "It's nothing. Forget it. Raveena's not feeling too well at the moment. So if you could excuse us...", father Ravi Tandon trailed off, making it quite clear that it was time to clear off before he called the guards. The immediate suspicion was that the leading lady was under considerable trauma after her failed love-life was splashed all over the glossies. "Was she psychologically affected?", "Is she visiting a psychiatrist?", "Is she being frequented by err.. her ex-boyfriend trying to patch up?" The response to all these questions was a categorical No, but uttered with obvious sincerity.

An investigative journalist's got to do what an investigative journalist's got to do. The mystery was eventually cracked. It was found that the Tandon House was infested with rats and Miss Raveena, inspite of being the animal lover that she was, wasn't too fond of dirty rodents. This led to another mystery. Why was the Tandon House alone attacked by rats while every other residence in the neighbourhood was free from these pesky creatures? I reiterate, an investigative journalist's got to do what an investigative journalist's got to do. This mystery was solved too.

It has been found and confirmed that Raveena has been bothered by these creatures ever since her hit song "Tu Cheese Badi Hai" hit the airwaves.

Of Punjabi gals and Tamil Sayings

2005-11-26T14:00:00.000+05:30

[ Ok, this is rated A. Children below 16 are requested to act confused even though I'm pretty sure you understand this better than most adults! :) And to the few of you I messaged when this struck me, excuse the build up! :D Padikara time-la padippu mandai la aerutho illayo, indha nonsense ellam thonum!!]

I'm getting tired of playing this waiting game. For the music of Water to officially release. Ever since I heard the first thiruttu clip, I've been dying to lay my hands on the CD. The guys at Odyssey are getting tired too. Of seeing my face every single day.

"Is it out yet?" (extremely eager face)
"Sorry sir.."
"Oh.." (dejected look)
"We'll let you know, sir.."
"It's ok. Thanks." (trudging out with an expression so devastated, I wouldn't be surprised if they reached out to dial the suicide helpline!)

They've even developed this really apologetic expression to put on when I walk into the store. It disappears the minute I turn my back. (Highly reflective glass doors! Ha!)

Looks like Deepa Mehta's lost all hopes of releasing the movie in India, when it's shrouded with all this controversy. But what's stopping them from releasing the music? :( And why should all her movies stir up so many uprisings?

I, for one, have never found Fire controversial. In fact, it was a movie with a moral. Yup, you read that right. A Moral. (With a space in between the two words!!)

A very simple moral, that's quite a cliche in Tamil Essay Books and Arattai Arangams.

kudi kudiyai kedukkum

Today

2005-11-19T00:00:00.000+05:30

... officially gives the world 20 reasons to rue its fate!

Yaay!

2005-11-10T22:47:00.000+05:30

My blog just turned one!

List of things I'd never do in my life

2005-11-01T23:45:00.000+05:30

1. Eat non-veg
2. Go up on stage and speak!
3. Kill (Mosquitoes don't count)
brb..

*SWAT*
yeah, where was I..
4. Stop sending SMS. (Even if Airtel chokes me down further to 50 msgs per day)
5. Kadalai potufy (nalla pullai nu sonna nambunga ba!)
6. Wear Telungu padam colour sokka!
7. Accept I've liked a few songs of Deva
8. Forward senti mokkais that flood inboxes all over the world
9. Stop irritating my sis
~~10. Watch a Vijay movie 1st day 1st show~~

SIGH!!

Feel like God

2005-10-27T08:00:00.000+05:30

What did I plan?
1. Wake up at an ungodly hour of 4:30.
2. Study for the dumb model exam I'd voluntarily decided to take up. Despite clear instructions that it wasn't compulsary.
3. Go to college.

What happened?
I wake up at 6 angry with myself and with my cellphone alarm for not ringing.

Where, then, does the "Feel like God" part come in?
Remember the scene in Bruce Almighty when Jim Carrey all of a sudden realises he's in the middle of the ocean talking to Morgan "God" Freeman? I felt the same way when I noticed stuff floating around in my house and I was walking on water. No kiddin, it did feel like God! :)

So what else did I see?
The first thing I noticed was that the rain, which had started at around 3 PM last afternoon, still showed no signs of letting up.

I opened the backdoor leading to the garage. A bucket floated past me. My mom's still wondering what made me convulse with hysterical laughter!

It's about time we made vocal a long time grouse. My house was built, raised 3 feet above the ground. Every year, the corporation thinks it's doing us a great favour by re-laying the road. Point to note : They re-lay it on top of the existing road. The result: We're now on ground level!
Everytime a vehicle passes by, the flooded roads gleefully spill over inside the house, and the ankle deep water at home raises higher.

I saw the difference owning a digicam makes. DAMN! One snap would have narrated this entire post. Perhaps more!

Updated at 10 AM :
The fun's wearing off with the water level rising steadily. I hunted for a long scale and measured how deep the living room was in water. ~~11 cm~~ [at 9 AM] 18 cm when I checked 5 mins back. Also noticed a dead lizard floating in the water. Disappeared before I figured out how to get rid of it. Ugh! I need to watch my step! :(

All the switchboards at a low height have been mummified with cellotape.

My sis has turned into a one-woman bhajanai ghosti. She keeps breaking into songs all of a sudden and they all eerily have a central theme - water! She says it's just a coincidence. Oh well!

There's a street dog opposite my house whose whines are tugging at my heartstrings. It's stranded on the compound wall and is standing helpless in the rain. Can't jump either way coz the place is completely flooded with knee deep water - inside and outside the compound. Will the Blue Cross help cases like this?

Hmmmm, now I know how the Mumbaiites must have felt!

Guess what time it is..

2005-10-24T17:45:00.000+05:30

It's that time of the year again
When all my bottled up dread,
Takes my mind to places
Where angels fear to tread.

With boogiemen around the corner,
A chill of fear down my spine,
Constant reassurances from friends,
Of "Don't worry, you'll do fine!"

Call it performance anxiety,
(Of a completely different kind!) :)
When self-doubts start to creep in,
Whether I'm ready for the grind.

Yikes! Lotsa double meanings I spot,
In that last stanza, as I type,
I guess I'll cut to the chase,
I'll put an end to all the hype.

It's examination time again,
Have pity on my poor soul.
(Yes, I like to exaggerate,
They call me King of Hyperbole.)

My books are dusted and ready,
Lying in a piteous state of disuse.
My temper is at its peak.
Takes hardly a prod to blow my fuse.

But all these are just excuses,
Mere words of justification,
To defend the inevitable fact of
My blog going into hibernation.

It's Kit Kat time once again,
When my updates are sporadic.
Wish me luck, people, as I
Gear up to face the music.

What actually happened

2005-10-19T22:15:00.000+05:30

Remember the Tunnel scene in "Men In Black"? Here's what actually happened.

~~*~~

The midtown tunnel was usually always jammed. Regular commuters by that route knew better. They made sure to bring some magazines along with them, so that they could finish reading them by the time they crossed the tunnel back onto the expressway. A GRE aspirant was rumoured to have completed the entire Barrons while inching his way out of the tunnel.

*FLASH and the blurred screen comes back into focus*

Tom Ayto was in a hurry to get home. The shortest route was through the tunnel, and he was determined to swerve his way through the traffic back home even if it killed him. He figured he had an advantage, driving a compact car. He edged past a black Cadillac, and snuck through between a sports car and a Sedan. His victorious whoop was, however, short-lived, as he found himself obstructed by a gigantic truck. Dead end. Tom slapped his forehead in frustration.

*FLASH. Back to focus.*

Dick Tator was an enigma. His serious demeanor and smooth talk had earned him quite a reputation in the corridors of Law. Off the court, he redefined cool. Spotted most of the time in designer wear, zipping through the streets on his new bike, Dick enjoyed life as if everyday was his last. He was a man who thrived on challenges. Determined to meet his girlfriend, he'd placed a bet with himself to get to the other side of the tunnel even if the other vehicles had come to a standstill. Swerving between vehicles, he made no attempts to slow down. He noticed a car in front of him trying to do the same. Figuring it'd be a lot easier following the car, he tailed it all the way, almost crashing into the Cadillac that the car in front of him overtook. Finally, he saw light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, it was the tail light of a truck in front of him. Dick came to a sudden halt beside the car, and threw a glance at the driver smacking his forehead.

*FLASH. Focus. *

Harry Leggs, the professional skateboard stuntman, worked his way home. In other words, he was going home on his skateboard. But even for someone who earned his livelihood risking his neck, the traffic jam was too much of a daunting task. He turned back and looked for a detour.

*FLASH*

[These scenes were edited out though. The director preferred to deal only with the heroes. The following is what you would have seen in the movie.]

Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith came hurtling down the road in their Ford LTD, not caring the least about the traffic jam ahead. With a casual click of a button, the car morphed into a kind of suction vehicle. Swerving to the side of the tunnel, the car zoomed up the wall and rocketed through the tunnel at breakneck speed, upside down. Once at the end of the tunnel, the car flipped back down and sped away leaving the rest gaping at them.

~~*~~

Thus, what Tom, Dick and Harry could not do, the Men In Black did, by crossing the tunnel inspite of several obstacles.

Moral of the story?

Where there's a Will, there's a way :)

Tee Party

2005-10-17T19:45:00.000+05:30

I never knew about such a thing called CafePress before Kiruba blogged about it here.

Personally, I find it cool. I've always been a fan of T-Shirt with messages, and have been looking for a place where I can get customised Tees. Not that I can afford to buy it off CafePress, but at least I can see how my idea looks on a T-Shirt and grin to myself! :)

So here's one Tee I'd like..

Deccan Chronicle - 3

2005-10-14T22:15:00.000+05:30

Ok, I guess it's been quite a while after Parts one and two. Blame it on my exams! :)

So where were we? Yeah, the heavens lashed out, and the show wrapped up for the night. I looked down at the ground and was shocked to see it so slushy. It was like a swamp.
Point to note: I was in a place I didnt know, way past midnight, with 4 others waiting for me, the rain pounding incessantly on my head and a crowd jostling to find its way out. The wires on the ground did not help matters either.

But this isn't a big deal to a 19 year old, is it? An SOS is just a phone call away. It was only when I fished for my cellphone, did I realise the amount of drenching I'd gone through. I was soaked to the bone, and unfortunately, so was my phone! It lit up with glee when I pressed a button, but like a typical dying character in a tamil film, flickered, and came to a halt emitting only a weak glimmer. No display. Cellphone damaged in the rain. Brilliant.

I found my way out, unable to see anything beyond a foot in front of me. I went around the entire car park a couple of times, hoping to find them. I'd even borrowed a guy's phone to try call Ferrari, but couldn't hear a darn thing, and the guy recoiled in horror when I told him my cellphone conked off in the rain. "Ummm, I gotta go now. Can't afford to lose my phone!", he muttered and locked himself in his car. Hehe, I expected that. I figured I might as well go to the entrance. I went outside, only to be met by one more row of parked cars! Aaargh, never confuse a half-blind, phoneless, lost guy in a state of semi-panic!!

And even as I wandered about, praying I find them soon, I heard my phone ring. It was alive! The display was still blank, but I could hear it ringing! Hallelujah! It was Ferrari, "Enga pa irukkae?" He he, nalla naal-liye naan disoriented-a irupaen, ippo kekave vendaam. My repeating "Remember that closed blue dome kinda thingy we saw when we came in, I'm there!" didn't help much. G took the phone from Ferrari. Extremely calm and composed, he gave me directions, half of which I was unable to hear over the rain, but stayed on the phone all the while, till I finally spotted him after a good 15-20 mins of roaming about, cursing myself, and my dumb luck.

After half an hour of one of the best display of driving I've seen in a long time (Never seen a person crouch low, peer through a small arc of semi-transparent windshield cleared by the wiper, and drive through an apparently floating city! You da man, G!), it was time to head back to Ferrari's, on his bike, since it was too late to go home for me. I was shivering so badly, I was surprised the bike didn't careen off balance. Realising I hadn't had a bite to eat after our lunch at Pizza Hut at 1 in the afternoon, he took me to the only place open at that hour. The Leela Palace!!! Wow! My first visit to a 5-star hotel. And it had to be at 1:30 in the night!

The Citrus (or that's what I think they called the eating joint), had quite a crowd. The ultra rich ones with thick accents and thicker wallets. Felt like a pattikaataan, even more so because I was dripping wet and soiling some exquisite marble flooring! And a coupla chairs. Total damage!

This is where this post begins to live upto its name! :)

While most, at The Citrus, would have called that discreet piece of flooring next to my table an aisle, I'd rank it nothing short of an FTV ramp. I'm saying nothing more! ;) As for the eats, we had a sandwich and a cup of coffee. It's amazing how these guys give descriptions for something as simple as a veg sandwich. "Whole grain bread with a smattering of cheese and blah blah" where blah blah stands for at least 10 to 15 more words of description most of which I never knew existed! "Panini"? Bleh!

But here's the gilma I promised! There was this guy in white, who acted like the richest of them all out there. He threw around four letter words with about the same alacrity he did to a 1000 Re tip. It was kinda fun seeing him bully his friends around. I could only hazard a guess that it was to impress that chick clinging to his arms like a wet denim pant to your skin. (Yet another not-so-subtle reference to the fact that I was drenched)

Culture Shock 1:
*Children are requested to press that li'l red button on the top right of your screen. Sorry kids, the following is not for you!*

The guy in white (GiW) walked up to Ferrari and extended his hand.

GiW: Hi!
Ferro: Hi
GiW: Cold, isn't it?
Ferro: Err.. Yeah
GiW: Whadya think of that chick?
Ferro: Errr..
GiW: Nice b**bies, no?
Ferro: Errr!!
GiW: So whadya say? 3000 a night.

Ferrari refused the offer pretty politely. I was surprised at how unaffected he was about the whole thing when he looked at me and broke into a wide grin! I quickly stuffed some of the complimentary French Fries realising I'd kept my mouth open for far too long.

Culture Shock 2:
We thought we'd seen the last of GiW. But it wasn't to be. On our way out, we saw him sitting in the lounge with his gang of friends. One thing must be said about the Leela Palace. It's got the plushest couches I've seen. Big enough to easily seat the entire gang.

What surprised me was the fact that GiW, ignoring the inviting cushions, preferred to sit on another guy's lap, facing him, in a pose straight out of the Kamasutra!

Avana neeyi!!

Deccan Chronicle - 2

2005-10-11T00:15:00.000+05:30

We just stood there. Shivering with cold and miserably drenched. "I can't come back again to Bangalore. This is the last of my free weekends", I repeated over and over in my mind. There were a coupla policemen standing under an umbrella, and we couldn't resist singing "Pyar hua, ikraar hua hai"! By 7:30, I lost all hope. But I was happy to see I wasn't the only nutcase standing in the rain waiting for Rahman. Everybody stood there, not moving an inch, braving the rains, at least to get a glimpse of him even if it was just to see him come out and apologise that the show was being cancelled.

Rahman did make an appearance at around 8. This is what Gopal Srinivasan, the moderator of the Rahman Fan Group had to say.

"Around 8 PM, the boss made an appearance on stage dressed in a sky blue turtle neck T-shirt and the whole arena erupted into a loud cheer. He said "This is the holy month of Ramadan and the showers are a blessing from God. Give us a few minutes to set up the stage and the show will go on". The crowd again went up in a cheer. One of us overheard H Sridhar remarking, "Why is he saying this! Its not safe to do a concert now". But ARR was resolute."

That's what sets Rahman apart from the others. He was genuinely touched by what he saw and was determined to give back something to the audience. Thalaiva, thanks! The one hour wait we had to endure for the show to start didn't seem like too much of a trouble, now that the show was on after all! Our patience began to wear thin when so many artists came out and said "We love you Bangalore, you're the best audience I've seen in my life". It sounded like a formality, but now, on hindsight, I guess they really meant it. A few artists like Sivamani, Blaaze and Kailash Kher did their bit to make sure the restless crowd didn't return home.

As promised, at around 9, our man came out and rendered Fanaah.The crowd erupted! Rahman sounded a bit offkey, and I wasn't too happy with what I was hearing. What happened to that voice that gave me goosebumps everytime? But was I pleasantly surprised by Rahman's vigour! I've never seen the shy man so alive before. Confidently striding out from his comfort zone surrounded by his keyboards, he bobbed up and down punching the air, trying his best to give us the show of our lives. At that moment, I was enveloped by a feeling of warmth and reverence for Rahman so great, that his throaty "Ma pa ma pa" alaap didn't bother me one bit.

Hariharan came on next with Sadhana Sargam to sing "Telephone manipol" from Indian. Sadhana muffed up at a few places. "Why were they performing so badly? Were they all feeling the tension to get the show started?". The song went off in a blur. I was unable to concentrate with these questions scrolling through my mind. Shankar Mahadevan and Blaaze walked out along with George Peters, and they whipped the crowd into a frenzy with "O Hum Dum" from Saathiya. Blaaze improvised on the rap in the middle saying all the right words about Bangalore to make us feel the wait was worth it!

The little man, Kailash Kher came on stage to render "Mangal Mangal". Couldn't see the outfit he was wearing, but it sure did look all bright and funny from that distance! The artists still seemed to be trying too hard to impress. The comfort level wasn't up there yet. But the crowd still loved what they were given. I'd gone to Rahman's "Unity of Light" show in Chennai, and I had seen for myself the sheer magic the artists rustle up. Everyone seemed to be a bit rusty, here.

The next song put an end to all my apprehension. Alka Yagnik came on to sing "Mehndi hai" from Zubeidaa. The crowd was confused, a few muttered "Hey, I know this song, yet I don't!". I was the official information supplier for the group out there, telling them the names of the movies, the actors and on a few occassions getting a bit too carried away to actually give them the year of release and some trivia associated with the movie. Alka rocked. It was a slow song, and the crowd didn't react much to it, but she gave me the confidence that the show was on for good. Her sweet voice resonated with confidence, and I geared myself for one helluva show!

Rahman announced that the next song was from Water (the album releases on Nov 8th, btw) and we were probably the first to hear it. Sorry thalaiva, I already have a few thiruttu samples! ;) "Water?", the guy next to me asked, confused. John Abraham, Lisa Ray, Seema Biswas, the last installation of Deepa Mehta's elemental trilogy, renamed as Rivermoon and shot in Sri Lanka almost secretly to avoid all the controversies that happened in Varanasi when she started shooting there.. I was half expecting him to ask me to stop, strangely he didn't seem to mind! :)

Sukhwinder and Sadhana sang "Aayo Re" from the film. Maybe they improvised, maybe they didn't, but it sure sounded a bit different. It was amazing all the same! The people next to me were quite confused to see me sing along. He he, that was fun. The next two songs were "Hum hai iss pal yahaan" from Kisna by Madhushree and "Roja Jaaneman" by Hariharan and Sadhana Sargam. Hmmm, I wasn't able to listen to them properly as there was a small problem in the crowd. I guess this deserves a seperate post. I'll put it up when I'm done with the Deccan Chronicle series.

Naresh Iyer and Aslam began crooning "Doston se jhoothi moothi dusron ka naam leke" and the crowd roared in response! He he, anyone who's listening to Rahman's songs for the first time would have thought a rock song was to follow. Chupke Se from Saathiya still hasn't lost its charm. Sadhana's baby all the way. Rahman announced that the lyrics of the next song were special as it was written by PB Sreenivos for the show (correct me if I'm wrong, I kinda went berserk when he took the mike, and I was too busy shouting "thalaiva!" to notice what he said!) It was Kannalane from Bombay, sung in Kannada. Hmm, I must mention the choir. They were brilliant. They swayed, clapped and crooned in unison and made for a very cute sight. And sounded fab!

Thalaivar came back on, extra cheerful now that everyone was in a groove, even as the orchestration for Chale Chalo (Lagaan) started, he said "This one is for your spirit", and punched the air again! He he, so much for reticence, Rahman looked every bit the rockstar he's made out to be in India! Needless to say, he was brilliant! He was followed by Mr.I-always-improvise-on-stage-when-Rahman's-around. Hmmm, typing "Hariharan" is easier. :) He dissected Vennilave Vennilave (Minsaara Kanavu), breaking into alaaps quite often. But to be fair to him, I enjoyed it! Sadhana sang along, and stuck to the original tune. :D

The choir was in its elements when they sang Chinnamma Chilakkama. Sukhwinder lapped up all the screams and whistles, and was clearly enjoying himself as he grooved to to the beat. Madhushree then came on to sing "Kabhi Neem Neem" (Yuva). I was pretty disappointed with the folks standing next to me as they heard her hum the starting part of the song and began wondering aloud if it was from Swades or Saathiya! She sang the closing lines in tamil, and sounded pretty funny! Sukhwinder came back to sing "Pangdi Sambhaal" from The Legend of Bhagath Singh.

Alka Yagnik strode in to sing the western version of "Taal se taal mila". It sounded better than it did in the movie! Shankar Mahadevan returned, pulled Rahman out and had us in splits! "We are gonna sing a song, a very very slow song. It was a total flop in the movie, but we're gonna sing it anyway. It's called Humma Humma from the movie Bombay" and gestured to Rahman to take over. Rahman crooned "Humma humma" like a Muslim prayer song, and Shankar M sang "andha arabic kadaloram" in a tune straight out of Thyagaraja Bhagavadar's handbook! Blaaze, from the audience, said Bangalore's the city of hiphop and got the crowd jiving with his rap and screaming "Humma!" at his cue. They eventually sang the original number and left the crowd asking for more.

Blaaze took over with his Baba rap, putting on a great show. After him was the turn of the man who was easily the second most popular dude out there. Sivamani. His 11 minute solo blew us all off our feet. What a performance! adhu kai-ya electric bell-a? yebbaaaa!!

Then came the song I was waiting for. The poverty anthem that Rahman composed, "Pray for me brother". He began the song mentioning it was very close to his heart, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out he put his soul into the song. Rahman and Blaaze sung from their heart, and Rahman hasn't sounded this good since Vellai Pookal (Kannathil Muthamittaal). The tune, the lyrics, the mood, the voice.. I was moved. (I need to get a copy of this one!)

Rahman wasn't satisfied with just touching our hearts. Perhaps he wanted to drill deep down and make sure he took us to heaven. I don't mean he wanted to kill us with his songs!! :) He managed to strike that chord in the heart that fills you with sheer bliss, that makes you forget all your pain and stand entranced, that has the power to move you to tears. The Bombay Theme did all that, and more. One of the violinists was so moved and carried away that he stood up midway and performed with closed eyes. That best described the mood. I stood there, unable to speak a word. Chanceless!

Rahman took up the mike again. I expected him to sound choked, sniff, anything to portray the mood! He just gave us a playful grin and asked, "Do you wanna listen to something from Bombay Dreams?" Alma, the Bosnian singer, sang "Love's Never Easy" and the song morphed into "Ishq Bina" sung by Madhushree. Badri Prasad, the local, and Sayanora, who lived upto her name and waved a couple of times :), rendered Muqala Muqabla, in Himil. That's part Hindi part Tamil!

Shankar Mahadevan and Rahman then got back together, and enthralled us with one of the best unplugged pieces I've heard! He sang Ghanan Ghanan (Lagaan) making sure he edited a particular line to say "paani mat barsaao"! When he was done, he said it wasn't over yet.. "If it had rained in the movie, like how it did today, how would Rahman have composed it?" The jugalbandhi of Shankar's amazing voice range and Rahman's lightning fingers on the keyboard was something to cherish forever. (I need a copy of this too!!)

Rahman's solo performance of Musthafa Musthafa (Kadhal Desam), followed by Sa Re Ga Me (Boys) along with Blaaze and Tanvi was just what the doctor ordered to get the fans all hysterical again. Rehana took centrestage along with Sukhwinder, for their rendition of Chayya Chayya. Sukhwinder was let loose, to play with audience, to get them moving, to tease them, to get them screaming, to get them singing along, to make sure they had fun. And this particular song has a track record that's never disappointed fans all over the world! :)

The choir and orchestra performed the beginning strains of Aazadi (Bose) and thalaivar took over, singing straight from the heart. It started to drizzle again. The song immediately transformed into Maa Tujhe Salaam. And when Rahman hit the high note in Vande Mataram, the heavens opened up, pouring heavier than it did when the show started. It was a magical moment. Even Rahman was visibly moved. "Isn't it a miracle?", he whispered into the mike.

PS.
What happened after the concert to be continued in part 3! :)
Song List - courtesy Gopal Srinivasan.

He'd also mentioned a few songs that were not performed because of the delay.
Unplugged
1. O Re Chori - Alka
2. Yeh Jo Zindagi - Sukhvinder
3. Sabak Aisa - Madhushree
4. Tu Hi Re - Hari / Chitra
5. Anjali - Chitra

6. Warriors in Peace - Alma
7. Thee Thee - Sadhna / Raja
8. Jiya Jale - Chitra
9. Yeh Haseen Vadiyaan - Hari / Chitra
10. Yunh Hi Chala Chal - Hari / Kailash Kher / Aslam
11. Vari Girai - Hari / Chitra

Deccan Chronicle - 1

2005-10-10T00:15:00.000+05:30

Pardon the title. Guess this is catchier than say, a "Bangalore Diaries" or a "48 hours". But just don't expect gilma pictures! :) And yeah, massive post (might run to 3 parts)! Don't temme I didn't warn ya..

I had planned it all out. A schedule busier than Rahman's.

Friday Night - Catch the train
Saturday Morning - Reach Bangalore
Saturday Afternoon - Meet Ferrari
Saturday Evening - Off to the show
Saturday Night - Return home with a grin, say g'nite to Bozo and sleep
Sunday Morning - Wake up late
Sunday Afternoon - Catch the train
Sunday Night - Reach Chennai.

But as they say, "God sticketh his tongue out if thou maketh a schedule well ahead of time".

I did catch the train. I did reach B'lore the next morning. My cellphone, which showed full battery when I boarded the train, was whimpering, giving me "Low Battery" beeps, and before I could do anything about it, decided to die on me. Hmmmm, maybe this was a sign of things to come. But I'm not a shepherd who's the hero of Paulo Coelho's books. So I coolly chose to ignore it.

I kinda like the prepaid auto thingy in Bangalore. Having got off the train, grabbed a cup of coffee from a stall (can't begin a day without it!), and called up my aunt from a PCO (stupid cellphone!), I looked around, quite apprehensive about having to take an auto. One fella demanded 60. Another 50. The second one justified his 'quotation' saying he's asking jus 5 Rs more than the fixed rate at the prepaid counter. It's another matter that the computer told me the rate is 35. The auto guy, after covering half the distance, asked me what the rate was, in a very doubtful voice. I spent the rest of the journey listening to how unfair the Government is to him!

The first one to greet me home was Bozo. He's become massive! My surprised "Hey Bozo! Va da inga" greeting was met with a whimper and he sprinted inside cowering in a corner. I shook my head, disappointed, and said, "Dei! We call you a watchdog, maanatha vaangaadhe!" I guess that was when I (think I) saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes. He came bounding upto me and sprang up licking my face. I'm not kiddin when I say he's grown!

After the statuatory delayed bath, I was to meet Ferrari at the Pizza Hut in Forum. And I did, carrying with me all the gifts he was to get for his b'day. Ferrari said I make a bad courier boy. Or maybe he didn't. :) After a pretty filling lunch and some very thought provoking conversations like why the younger sister of a person who's newly acquired parent status, seems to think she knows more than the parents of the poor baby, we decided to scoot.

Next stop, Gaja's! We were to go in his car along with his friends, Mahesh and Santhanam. A CD full of songs sung by Rahman kept us company, distracting us from the threatening dark clouds in front us. Check Ferrari's blog for details. And we give him the benefit of the doubt for the picture. He really did mean to take a snap of the banner, not that gal on the bike! :P

The 500 Rs enclosure was pretty empty when I walked in at 5:30. And I noticed there were no food courts. Engala madhikka maatanga nu mudive panneetaanga! :( Struck up a conversation with a few people there. Hmmm, that's one major improvement in me after I started blogging! And all the while, the dark clouds jus' hung in there, threatening to hold the concert up for ransom.

At around 6, the sky taunted us with a little drizzle. "Scared, are ya? *Evil laughter* What are ya gonna do about it? I'm the boss around here", it seemed to say. By 6:30, the rain increased a bit and there was a mild but steady shower. The organisers started to cover the stage in a bid to protect it. Was this the beginning of the end? We prayed hard that it shouldn't be.

One singer, (I don't know his name), took up the mike and started reciting a kannada prayer requesting the Gods to stop the rain.

The intensity of the rain tripled to a massive downpour!

(to be continued...)

Same difference - 2

2005-10-05T19:00:00.000+05:30

Main Hoon Na:
Sushmitha Sen wears skimpy clothes, and oozes sensuality.

Gajini:
Nayantara wears skimpy clothes, and oozes out of them.

Conclusion:
Liked Gajini.
+ves:
Surya, Asin, the flashback, Asin.
-ves:
9thara, some gaping logical holes, some really corny lines in tense situations, opaari for a background music, songs for the sake of songs.

But I'm willing to overlook all the negatives for the 5th positive point I purposely skipped in the list up there. Asin. :)

And once again, have a rocking b'day, Ferrari!

Thalaiva!

2005-09-29T21:30:00.000+05:30

Ok, now that these images have spoken two thousand words, here's just five more..

I'm off to the show!

[Thanks a million, Ferrari!]

At the stationer's

2005-09-26T22:00:00.000+05:30

Foreword:
My mind's drawn a blank. I'm forced to write all the mokkais I come up with in class, here in my blog. Apologies! :)

Fiveword:
ishtart meejic

---~~---

I'm bloody pissed off with the stationer down the road. I really am. Ok, so I did seem a bit dumbwitted when it came to choosing the pen I wanted, taking an awfully long time to select one. But that gave him no excuse to insult me.

I entered the stationery shop, hoping I'd be given the same royal treatment I was given in a bakery next door. The stationer stood up, looking relieved to finally see a soul walking into his shop. "Ballpen vennum", I said. Hmmm, maybe I should have been a bit more suave. My line seemed a bit like the "maama biskothu" in the Pandiarajan movie, the name of which I've conveniently forgotten.

He gave me a curt nod, all respect forgotten, and started rummaging the shelf behind him. He handed me a slim gel pen. I stared at it for a while. It must have looked to him as if I was trying to burn a hole through it with my searing glare. With a dissatisfied 'hmmm', I handed it back to him. "Too light a shade of blue", I thought, but I didn't bother giving him an explanation. Without a word, he handed me a click pen. One click, and the pen flew out of my hand. Maybe he didn't trust me to handle such a complicated instrument.

One more forage later, he banged a regular ball pen on the desk, his eyes fixed on mine, daring me to tell him I didn't want it. But I'm not someone who goes looking for conflicts, and I must admit he gave me the creeps with his maniacal scowl. I took it without a word. I dug into my pocket for the frayed 10 Rs note I remembered putting in when I left home.

That was when he opened his mouth for the first time. Ok, so I was being a pain, maybe I wasn't his best customer. But I will never forgive him for insulting me in such a way. As I handed him the money, he lifted his hand asking me to wait.

He took out his scribbling pad, gave me a sarcastic smile, and said "kirikku".

---~~---

Afterword:
Guess whose birthday it is tomorrow! :)

Idhu Kaadhala

2005-09-20T17:30:00.000+05:30

Thookam varudhu, aana thoonga mudiyalai.

Pasikudhu, aana saapida mudiyalai.

Edhulayum concentrate panna mudiyalai.

Life is a continuous pain.

Naan vaazhkai-la sandhoshama pannra oru velai-yum pidikaama pochu. Chocolates/Icecream/Sweets saapida pidikalai, juice kudikka pidikalai, mazhai-la nenaya pidikalai (Chennai-la yedhu mazhai-nu cross question pannina disqualified!), akka kooda sandai podumbothu kaththa pidikalai, Share Van/MTC bus-a thuratheendu oda pidikalai..

Idhu kaadhala?

*Start selecting/highlighting*

sathyama illai.

Throat la phlegm!! TB patient maathiri irumi irumi kaduppa iruku!!

*End selecting/highlighting*

PS.
Cha, newcomers to my blog enna pathi thappu thappa thinkaraanga! adhuku thaan explicit-a instructions put-eeten!! :)

The Clone

2005-09-18T00:00:00.000+05:30

"Ha ha.. ha ha ha ha! Yes!"

An evil laughter reverberated across the laboratory. Dr. Brad Lee (No relation to the guru of the psychiatric genius, Dr. Saravanan who solved the Chandramukhi case), was alone in his lab, working on his dream project. This was something he'd kept under wraps. He'd mentioned it to no one but me, his most faithful student.

~~~*~~~

Dr. Lee was a brilliant scientist. Brilliant, but mad. The usual cliche. His dream was to build the human cloning machine, ever since he read a book that spurred him on to undertake this endeavor. He'd ripped that page out and posted it on his bathroom mirror to remind him every morning to not rest until he'd completed this pet project.

[Readers are requested to bring their eyebrow back down to where it belongs. A comic collection counts as a book too, and certainly as an inspiration! I mean, if a 6 year old kid can do it, so can Dr. Brad Lee. And yeah, click on the pic if you can't read it properly.]

Dr. Lee made a mental note to make sure that his machine made a better sound than 'boink'.

~~~*~~~

The boundary between his dreams and reality had blurred now. They had merged into one as Dr. Lee exulted in his achievement. His machine perfectly cloned his lab mouse, as it doubled in a flash, right in front of his eyes. Now all he had to see was if it worked on humans.

A bead of sweat ran down his eyebrow. What if it did not work? What if it failed to replicate a living object as complex as a human being? He'd be the laughing stock of his research team, and the world. Blind panic set in. His vision blurred and his words slurred. He felt his forehead throb like an angry mob. The bead of sweat now went down his cheek, even as he noticed his pulse grow weak. [Ok, I'll put an end to this rhyme, and restart it maybe some other time!!]

He collapsed to the floor, pallid and shivering. Coincidence, God's Grace, Stroke of Luck, call it what you want, but I was extremely thankful I was in the lab at that ungodly hour. I'd forgotten my papers, and for once, my absentmindedness came to the rescue. I saw him on the floor in a sorry state, and realised that he'd forgotten to take his nerve calming drug. I acted swiftly, popped the drug in his mouth and waited for five minutes to see the drug take effect.

Dr. Lee was back to normal and spoke to me in an unusually choked voice. "Harish, the cloning machine is done. It was a success with Mickey. Look" he said, pulling out a couple of mice from his coat pocket, "you can't see a single difference, can you?" I gaped at the creatures writhing in his hands. It was surely Mickey, the lab mouse. You could make out by the bald patch on its head and the raccoon-like mark around it's eyes. But there was one more! Looking exactly the same.

"Sir!" I gasped, "You've done it! Congratulations!"
"Not yet, Harish. I'm not sure it works on humans. And I don't want to proclaim this to the world without being sure it works perfectly."
"Oh.."

I realised what he was thinking. I knew I had to make the sacrifice. In the name of science, in honour of my teacher's dream.

"I'll do it, Sir", I whispered, "You may test it on me." Dr. Lee's eyes twinkled with joy and relief. "I knew I could count on you, my boy! It won't go wrong, trust me!"

I entered the contraption, feeling extremely uncomfortable. I felt claustrophobic being locked inside a metal container about as big as a broom cupboard. I could feel the machine whirring to life. A brilliant flash of light temporarily blinded me for a few seconds. I felt as though I was being x-rayed. And before I knew it, it was all over. I opened my eyes to see an exact replica of myself, standing beside me! But it was moving, and breathing too.

"Sir! It worked!" I screamed as a wave of relief washed over me.

~~*~~

If you've been a regular reader of my blog, you'd know by now that none of my "stories" have a proper ending. They just have a kadi/PJ in the end to exasperate you, to make you think "What the @&$#! He made me read all that for nothing!" I'm sorry to tell you that this post is no different! :)

So here's the kadi..
What did Dr. Brad Lee call me? And what did he call my clone?

Answer:
Primhari and Secondhari

escaaaapeee!!

The Judgement

2005-09-13T23:20:00.000+05:30

Cleared in reval! :)

The prayers worked!!

Out of focus

2005-09-12T18:30:00.000+05:30

It happened in a split second.. and my world came crashing down. I lost my focus in life.

Before you start to panic thinking I've entered depression, lemme put things back in perspective. Remember the 1.9k glasses of mine (where 1.9k = 19 followed by 2 zeroes)? They broke!

They meant the world to me. They went crashing down. And I literally lost focus! :P

So much for all the hullaballoo it generated in my commentbox! It hardly lasted 3 months. All it took was a careless flail of my friend's hand, as it crashed into my specs, jamming it into my forehead and breaking the lens. My eyes were lucky enough to escape injury. I was left with a scratched eyebrow, a broken lens, a sorry looking stick that held the lens in place and an extremely crestfallen heart.

"I don't mind spending so much for you", my sis told me when she bought it, "but please be careful". That was the first thing that came to my mind. The entire day went pretty weirdly after that (happened pretty early in the day), when people found it difficult to recognise me without my specs (when the logic's supposed to be working the other way!), and two paper rockets poked me in the eye when the guys were engaged in a serious rocket fight during a free hour in the afternoon! One from the left, one from the right. These guys should join the missile division!

Now, I'll have to shell out 475 bucks to get a new lens and get it fitted onto the 2 kuchis. :( I'm not asking my parents for it, and I feel too guilty to make my sis pay. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my friend's fault either. Some things in life just happen. And that means, the USB memory stick I was planning to buy with the money I was putting aside for it, will have to wait.

PS:
vee-jay was right, frame irundha dhaane udayum! adhukku onnum aagala! :)

PPS:
Did I mention the plastic lens was supposed to be unbreakable?