Magix 'n' Curses
..the argument continues

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Hard to interpret what the stars foretell

The following is a note my uncle sent me after coming back home from the hospital. I was amazed by how he could see the lighter side of things even in a place as grim and scary as an ICU. Just had to share it! :)

I woke up confused on a strange bed with some girls standing around me. They were all whispering to one another and peering down my face. A little farther, my family was standing with anxious faces. I tried to get up but various cables tied me down. I could not remember how I got there and looked at my son. He implored me to be quiet and relax. Slowly I realised I was in the ICU of some hospital: and with my cardiac and umpteen health problems, I guessed I must have passed out at home before finally landing here. My son told me it was Monday morning now and I gave everyone anxious moments on the previous evening. It seems I suddenly collapsed on my way to the bath room and remained unconscious and stone cold. They had managed to shift me to the hospital in an ambulance in quickest possible time, which according to my doctor has given me a fresh lease of life. As my mind cleared, I suddenly remembered the previous morning and could not help smiling. People around me must have thought that the fall had done something to my head for me to smile in such a situation! Let me explain why I smiled.

On Sunday morning, the previous day, I was up unusually early and began aimlessly surfing the channels on the TV. I paused for a few minutes on a south channel in which an astrologer was rattling away the fortunes and misfortunes for the following week. His predictions for my ‘Rasi’ ’(zodiac sign) was that I will get to travel in a new type of vehicle, would be pampered by women and have bright chances to be in front or behind the camera. Since I am almost eighty, I thought all these were coming a bit too late to be excited. The first two predictions seem to have come almost true. Though a ride in an ambulance and attention by nurses in ICU were the last things to make one happy, I was curious to know how the third prediction will turn out.

Without notice, the cables and tubes binding me were pulled out. I was unceremoniously bundled on to a stretcher and then wheeled to a destination which I could not guess!. My smile vanished and I meekly enquired where we were heading. A bored reply”for tests” came from the accompanying trainee nurse. Then started a journey up and down the elevators, through various crowded corridors, gloomy passages and stopped in front of MRI room. A tired looking man pushed me into the machine and ordered me to remain still. It was claustrophobic with loud banging and ear- splitting noise inside the machine. Having worked on the shop floor of factories during my working days, I felt the generator and machine noise there was music when compared to this. It seemed like eternity before I was pulled out and set on my tour again. The next halt was for EGG about which I had the least idea. My head was connected with countless leads but because of my thick growth of hair kept slipping. The technician scornfully remarked that at this old age I did not deserve luscious hair on my crown. A fear suddenly seized me. Is this an electric shock treatment that we often see on the movies to torture the hero! To my relief the ordeal was over and we set off. I shyly told the nurse that I needed to visit a bathroom. She ignored my plea and pushed the trolley stretcher into Ultra sound scan room.

“Expose your abdomen”, the lady ordered. I shrunk! What was she planning to do? I have seen the hero spinning a top around the navel of the heroine in a movie. With a threatening bladder I was in no mood for romance. She passed a sensor over my belly and admonished “how can I scan your prostate with only 50 ml urine in your bladder?” I protested saying, whether it was 50ml or 500 ml, I was in agony and wanted to relieve myself. But she ignored my protests and shifted the scanning to my neck saying she was performing a colour Doppler to assess the blood vessels leading to the brain and meanwhile expected the bladder should fill up. I wanted to sing “why this koleveridi”. When she came back to my abdomen, she resigned herself to scan a partially filled bladder and both were glad to get rid of each other. I would have strangled the TV astrologer if he had appeared before me. Was he referring to all these scans as a chance before Camera?

Back on my stretcher, I told the accompanying nurse that enough was enough and asked her to take me back to the ICU. My niece, who meanwhile came there, teased me, “Don’t be in a hurry. We have not yet finished the Gynaecology Dept.” I could not laugh at her humour and darted an angry look. There was a traffic jam in the corridor with dozens of wheel chairs and stretchers that would make one feel that MG road was a freeway in comparison. I was almost in tears and tried to get out of the stretcher and walk. The nurse was alarmed and shouted “what are you trying? I will lose my job.” At last, back in the ICU and off-loading my burden, I dozed off. I was rudely awakened by a shriek. All were looking at the monitor behind me. When I asked them what the matter was, they recoiled with fright saying ‘The monitor is showing a straight line and you are talking. One of the nurses made bold to touch me and broke into laughter. They had not connected the leads to the Monitor after my long sojourn down the corridors.

Soon the doctor came and declared, “There were Ischemic changes in bilateral frontoparietal white matter in brain, Fibrocalcific plaques in right carotid bulb causing 50% stenosis, severe LV dysfunction etc etc. I asked, “Doctor nothing serious is it not? Can I go home?” He appeared shocked! I did not wait for his answer and jumping out of the bed, asked my niece to get my clothes.

On our way back home, I saw a huge hoarding showing a big palm. It said “accurate palm reading and predictions. Meet astrologer so and so to know your future”. I told my son, “ Stop the car. I want to hurl a stone at that hoarding.”