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Magix 'n' Curses
..the argument continues

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Perennial Margazhi


The police, the scientists, even the Government knew they were dealing with something weird. Something so absurd, that it made absolutely no sense. That's what "absurd" means, but excuse me for trying to drive home a point! There was something positively creepy about the pattern followed by the occurences of these shady incidents. Oh alright, I'll get a move on it before I find more synonyms for "weird".

Incident 1:
Ajay and Priya, a young newly-wed couple, had planned their honeymoon in Simla. Their travel agent had completely muffed up, and these two didn't know how they were going to manage. "You are now sitting in Grand Trunk Express to Delhi saar.. After that Howrah-Kalka Mail from Delhi saar.. then jolly toy train Shivalik Deluxe Express.." the guy had screamed through the phone, as Ajay held his mobile a good foot away from his ear. Nothing made sense to him. He didn't even know a place called Kalka existed, which was to be expected of a person who had proudly announced "The Northernmost point in India I've visited before is Thirupathi", just before the trip. He decided to take things as they come, and was pretty calm about the entire fiasco.

Priya, on the other hand, was losing her patience. A stickler for meticulous planning, she'd found Ajay's attitude blasphemous. "How can he be so chilled out about the whole thing?", she wondered as she looked at her sorry-looking now-chewed-down nails on her hennaed hand. "What did the moron say?", she asked her husband glaring at him as if it was all his fault. Ajay smiled, "Not too sure, but he has a pretty madrasi sounding 'saar' for a Northie!". He raised his eyebrows in surprise when his bride let out a string of the choicest expletives. "Adi paavi! What happened to the 'mild mannered, sweet tempered homely girl' description on the matrimonial site?!" "Oh, Shut up!", she snapped, still glowering.

Ajay spent the rest of the journey trying to cheer her up. He made a mental note to pay more attention to Ferrari's He-She series. "That guy could probably be a life-saver!", he reflected. He gave up by the time the train pulled over in Bhopal. He closed his eyes in resignation, and drifted off to sleep. Priya felt sorry for him. "It wasn't his fault. Maybe I shouldn't be giving him such a torrid time." She had some pretty outrageous ideas forming in her mind to make it up to him, but none of them could be carried out in full view of the public! She had them archived in a corner of her brain thinking she'd be using them a lot sooner than she expected to. Afterall, they had the entire vestibule cabin to themselves! Ajay wouldn't know what hit him. With her mind finally calming down, she nodded off to sleep.

As the train chugged on, both of them woke up looking tired. A 36 hour train journey does that to you. Both of them remained silent, mentally willing the other to make the first move. By the time the train reached Agra, Ajay was feeling tingly all over. "This is a train, this is a train", he muttered to himself over and over. Priya was not helping things either, giving him a mysterious smile and a come-hither look. His mind was blanking out. "THIS IS A TRAIN, THIS IS A GOD-DAMNED TRAIN!" he frantically reminded himself, as they unconsciously moved closer to each other.

Suresh, the tea vendor working for the railways, always felt "There's nothing like tea to get you up and going". That day, while passing through a particular vestibule cabin, he realised there was just one other thing that scored over tea. The railway crew had a topic to gossip about, and were surprised to know this wasn't the first such occurence. It had happened before on the same train, and always happened at the fag end of the journey.

Incident 2:
Mohan Lamba had wanted to be an ornithologist ever since he learnt to spell the word. Before that, he wanted to be a bird-watcher.

He had been fascinated by the flight of birds even as a kid and had his future all charted out even when other kids his age were busy with Santa Claus and the Tooth-Fairy. He was especially enamoured by the path of migratory birds. The patterns they flew in. Their relentless pursuit of balmy conditions.

By the time he saw his 46th winter, he had built quite a reputation for himself as a leading ornithologist in India and had won great acclaim all over the world for his studies and findings. There was one phenomenon in his own hometown, however, that perplexed him. Birds flying in from Nepal towards Bharathpur Sactuary in Rajasthan behaved in a rather unusual manner as they stopped over the little marshy waterhole a few kilometres away from the Taj Mahal. These birds, he knew as a fact, preferred to "have fun", only between the months of March and June. But they contradicted their entire behavioural pattern as they mated like there was no tomorrow. Mohan seriously began doubting if the waterhole was filled with love-potion.

He was determined to get to the root of the mystery after he'd observed this for the third consecutive year.

Incident 3:
The police were baffled to see so many cases of rape along National Highway No. 2. It seemed to happen with alarming frequency particularly during the stretch from Delhi to the place where it intersected with National Highways 3 and 11. There was something definitely out of place. Even the animals behaved like hormone-driven, lust-crazed sex-maniacs.

Conclusion:
The Government had no clue as to what was causing all this. They knew there was only one person who could solve this mystery. Only one person who could give the perfect explanation. No, not Mr. Mathrubhootham. It was, in fact, a person who could give a suitable answer to at least solve the mystery, if not find a way to counter it.



Me! :)


And if you please unclench your fist, un-grit your teeth and take back all the abuses you hurled at me right now, I'd be glad to give you the answer.



Done?



Good.



I call it the Via Agra Effect!

PS:
Wish all you folks a Happy New Year!! As the tagline of the 2050 blog goes, May You Live In Interesting Times!

and oh, if you found any factual errors like "There are no
vestibules cabins (thanks Sheky) in GT Express", or "There are no migratory paths from Nepal to Rajasthan", my apologies. I take things for granted when it comes to my kadis! :)