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Magix 'n' Curses
..the argument continues

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thalaiva!






Ok, now that these images have spoken two thousand words, here's just five more..

I'm off to the show!

[Thanks a million, Ferrari!]


Monday, September 26, 2005

At the stationer's


Foreword:
My mind's drawn a blank. I'm forced to write all the mokkais I come up with in class, here in my blog. Apologies! :)

Fiveword:
ishtart meejic
---~~---

I'm bloody pissed off with the stationer down the road. I really am. Ok, so I did seem a bit dumbwitted when it came to choosing the pen I wanted, taking an awfully long time to select one. But that gave him no excuse to insult me.

I entered the stationery shop, hoping I'd be given the same royal treatment I was given in a bakery next door. The stationer stood up, looking relieved to finally see a soul walking into his shop. "Ballpen vennum", I said. Hmmm, maybe I should have been a bit more suave. My line seemed a bit like the "maama biskothu" in the Pandiarajan movie, the name of which I've conveniently forgotten.

He gave me a curt nod, all respect forgotten, and started rummaging the shelf behind him. He handed me a slim gel pen. I stared at it for a while. It must have looked to him as if I was trying to burn a hole through it with my searing glare. With a dissatisfied 'hmmm', I handed it back to him. "Too light a shade of blue", I thought, but I didn't bother giving him an explanation. Without a word, he handed me a click pen. One click, and the pen flew out of my hand. Maybe he didn't trust me to handle such a complicated instrument.

One more forage later, he banged a regular ball pen on the desk, his eyes fixed on mine, daring me to tell him I didn't want it. But I'm not someone who goes looking for conflicts, and I must admit he gave me the creeps with his maniacal scowl. I took it without a word. I dug into my pocket for the frayed 10 Rs note I remembered putting in when I left home.

That was when he opened his mouth for the first time. Ok, so I was being a pain, maybe I wasn't his best customer. But I will never forgive him for insulting me in such a way. As I handed him the money, he lifted his hand asking me to wait.

He took out his scribbling pad, gave me a sarcastic smile, and said "kirikku".

---~~---

Afterword:
Guess whose birthday it is tomorrow! :)


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Idhu Kaadhala


Thookam varudhu, aana thoonga mudiyalai.

Pasikudhu, aana saapida mudiyalai.

Edhulayum concentrate panna mudiyalai.

Life is a continuous pain.

Naan vaazhkai-la sandhoshama pannra oru velai-yum pidikaama pochu. Chocolates/Icecream/Sweets saapida pidikalai, juice kudikka pidikalai, mazhai-la nenaya pidikalai (Chennai-la yedhu mazhai-nu cross question pannina disqualified!), akka kooda sandai podumbothu kaththa pidikalai, Share Van/MTC bus-a thuratheendu oda pidikalai..

Idhu kaadhala?

*Start selecting/highlighting*

sathyama illai.

Throat la phlegm!! TB patient maathiri irumi irumi kaduppa iruku!!

*End selecting/highlighting*

PS.
Cha, newcomers to my blog enna pathi thappu thappa thinkaraanga! adhuku thaan explicit-a instructions put-eeten!! :)

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Clone


"Ha ha.. ha ha ha ha! Yes!"

An evil laughter reverberated across the laboratory. Dr. Brad Lee (No relation to the guru of the psychiatric genius, Dr. Saravanan who solved the Chandramukhi case), was alone in his lab, working on his dream project. This was something he'd kept under wraps. He'd mentioned it to no one but me, his most faithful student.

~~~*~~~

Dr. Lee was a brilliant scientist. Brilliant, but mad. The usual cliche. His dream was to build the human cloning machine, ever since he read a book that spurred him on to undertake this endeavor. He'd ripped that page out and posted it on his bathroom mirror to remind him every morning to not rest until he'd completed this pet project.



[Readers are requested to bring their eyebrow back down to where it belongs. A comic collection counts as a book too, and certainly as an inspiration! I mean, if a 6 year old kid can do it, so can Dr. Brad Lee. And yeah, click on the pic if you can't read it properly.]

Dr. Lee made a mental note to make sure that his machine made a better sound than 'boink'.

~~~*~~~

The boundary between his dreams and reality had blurred now. They had merged into one as Dr. Lee exulted in his achievement. His machine perfectly cloned his lab mouse, as it doubled in a flash, right in front of his eyes. Now all he had to see was if it worked on humans.

A bead of sweat ran down his eyebrow. What if it did not work? What if it failed to replicate a living object as complex as a human being? He'd be the laughing stock of his research team, and the world. Blind panic set in. His vision blurred and his words slurred. He felt his forehead throb like an angry mob. The bead of sweat now went down his cheek, even as he noticed his pulse grow weak. [Ok, I'll put an end to this rhyme, and restart it maybe some other time!!]

He collapsed to the floor, pallid and shivering. Coincidence, God's Grace, Stroke of Luck, call it what you want, but I was extremely thankful I was in the lab at that ungodly hour. I'd forgotten my papers, and for once, my absentmindedness came to the rescue. I saw him on the floor in a sorry state, and realised that he'd forgotten to take his nerve calming drug. I acted swiftly, popped the drug in his mouth and waited for five minutes to see the drug take effect.

Dr. Lee was back to normal and spoke to me in an unusually choked voice. "Harish, the cloning machine is done. It was a success with Mickey. Look" he said, pulling out a couple of mice from his coat pocket, "you can't see a single difference, can you?" I gaped at the creatures writhing in his hands. It was surely Mickey, the lab mouse. You could make out by the bald patch on its head and the raccoon-like mark around it's eyes. But there was one more! Looking exactly the same.

"Sir!" I gasped, "You've done it! Congratulations!"
"Not yet, Harish. I'm not sure it works on humans. And I don't want to proclaim this to the world without being sure it works perfectly."
"Oh.."

I realised what he was thinking. I knew I had to make the sacrifice. In the name of science, in honour of my teacher's dream.

"I'll do it, Sir", I whispered, "You may test it on me." Dr. Lee's eyes twinkled with joy and relief. "I knew I could count on you, my boy! It won't go wrong, trust me!"

I entered the contraption, feeling extremely uncomfortable. I felt claustrophobic being locked inside a metal container about as big as a broom cupboard. I could feel the machine whirring to life. A brilliant flash of light temporarily blinded me for a few seconds. I felt as though I was being x-rayed. And before I knew it, it was all over. I opened my eyes to see an exact replica of myself, standing beside me! But it was moving, and breathing too.

"Sir! It worked!" I screamed as a wave of relief washed over me.

~~*~~

If you've been a regular reader of my blog, you'd know by now that none of my "stories" have a proper ending. They just have a kadi/PJ in the end to exasperate you, to make you think "What the @&$#! He made me read all that for nothing!" I'm sorry to tell you that this post is no different! :)

So here's the kadi..
What did Dr. Brad Lee call me? And what did he call my clone?


Answer:
Primhari and Secondhari


escaaaapeee!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Judgement


Cleared in reval! :)



The prayers worked!!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Out of focus


It happened in a split second.. and my world came crashing down. I lost my focus in life.

Before you start to panic thinking I've entered depression, lemme put things back in perspective. Remember the 1.9k glasses of mine (where 1.9k = 19 followed by 2 zeroes)? They broke!

They meant the world to me. They went crashing down. And I literally lost focus! :P

So much for all the hullaballoo it generated in my commentbox! It hardly lasted 3 months. All it took was a careless flail of my friend's hand, as it crashed into my specs, jamming it into my forehead and breaking the lens. My eyes were lucky enough to escape injury. I was left with a scratched eyebrow, a broken lens, a sorry looking stick that held the lens in place and an extremely crestfallen heart.

"I don't mind spending so much for you", my sis told me when she bought it, "but please be careful". That was the first thing that came to my mind. The entire day went pretty weirdly after that (happened pretty early in the day), when people found it difficult to recognise me without my specs (when the logic's supposed to be working the other way!), and two paper rockets poked me in the eye when the guys were engaged in a serious rocket fight during a free hour in the afternoon! One from the left, one from the right. These guys should join the missile division!

Now, I'll have to shell out 475 bucks to get a new lens and get it fitted onto the 2 kuchis. :( I'm not asking my parents for it, and I feel too guilty to make my sis pay. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my friend's fault either. Some things in life just happen. And that means, the USB memory stick I was planning to buy with the money I was putting aside for it, will have to wait.



PS:
vee-jay was right, frame irundha dhaane udayum! adhukku onnum aagala! :)

PPS:
Did I mention the plastic lens was supposed to be unbreakable?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Birthday Bash


I'm a chamathu kodam. Anybody would vouch for that. (contradictory comments in the comment box will not be entertained!!)

Yet, I'm this typical teenager who adampidichufies to go to public functions and temples. Yup, temples too. Adhu yaen therila, chinna vayasulendhae kovil poga maaten-nu vetti bandha vittutu ippo adjust panna mudiyala. :) Prestige problem-nu kooda sollalaam!

It's not that I don't like going to temples, it's just that they vaendify that they'd bring me to some temple without even asking me and then drag me there much against my wishes. Enakkum evalo busy schedule irukkum, adhellam puriyaadhe avangalukku! :P

But for the past few weeks, I've had this strange urge to visit a temple. The urge can be accurately dated back to the time my semester results were announced! My friend sending me an SMS today morning saying "Madhya Kailash temple, 4 PM.. you game?" gave me the best excuse. "Sure!", I replied, "I'll be there."

But there was a slight snag. I couldn't tell my folks, could I? Certainly not, if I didn't want to see them roll on the floor laughing at me. That meant I'd have to hurry away at 3:55 screaming "friends-a meet panna poraen ma, bye!" and disappearing from the house before my mom could reply "endha friend?". And that was what I did! Ellam en nera kodumai. Ella pasangalum kovil-ku poraen soleetu friends-oda suthuvaanga, naan friends-oda suththa poraen-nu soleetu kovil-ku ponaen. Thiruttu thanama kovil pona orae janthu!

We all met outside Madhya Kailash. A couple of my friends had even wondered if they should come in half sarees! (ponnunga thaan, obviously! :) I don't want ya to have wrong opinions about my friends!! :D ) Pity they didn't, coz another friend had brought his camera along. It'd have been amazing blackmail fodder!

Ulla pogumbodhe we noticed the crowd splitting into 2 seperate lines. One with a lotta guys and a few women, and one with a lotta gals and a few guys. We joined the second line (unintentionally, I swear!). "Dei, ladies line-la irukomo?", I asked, skeptic about the way we were going. "Ada cha, indha kovil-la apadi ellam onnum illai da.. Ladies Gents-nu thani line ellam kidayaadhu. Andha line-a paaru, evalo ponnunga irukaanga", my friend replied, and all of a sudden realising the significance of the same fact, started counting the number of girls in the other line. Counting was just an excuse, we felt. By the time we reached the sannidhi, we saw a sign in block letters that confirmed the fact that we were standing in the Ladies line! My friend did a good job of avoiding the dirty glares my other friend and I threw at him.

And I must do something about that silly voice in my head. That voice that keeps repeating the insane urges I get, over and over again. It can get pretty exasperating at times. Especially when the voice goes, "Come on, Harish! Sing the "Happy Birthday" song. It IS His b'day, na? What's your problem?". I had a tough time convincing it that He'd prefer a "shuklaam bharadharam vishnum" any day!

After a few squabbles about the right way to go around a temple, about the names of each deity, about the fact that one of my friends had literally suttufied a dosai on her forehead with kungumam, a kunguma pottu that could give Usha Uthup a run for her money, about how unfair it was for the gals in temples coz the guys get to see all the pretty ones, but the gals don't get to see a drool-worthy guy kannukettum dhooram varai, we sat down for a while and discussed about why it was a rule to sit down in tenples. We reached a unanimous conclusion that it was for vetti paechu like these.

It was also fun to see my friend's reaction after she adjusted her red dosai kungumam down to a normal size from her reflection in a window of a cabin.
Me: What were you doing?
She: I was adjusting my kunguma pottu.
Me: Unaku vera edama kidaikala?
She: Why da? What's wrong? There was such a nice reflection. How can anyone resist?
Me: It all looked alright from your end. Think of the plight of that man sitting inside the cabin. Nee avara paarthu style kaatina maathiri irundhurukkum!
She: Gasp! There was someone inside??

She didn't wipe that asattu vazhiyal off her face till she reached home. :)

PS.
Hmmm, I guess there's a risk of my sis reading this post. Oy, if at all you do, you shut up alright? mavale veetula dammaaram adichae, nee gaali!!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Same Difference


Question:
What's the difference between a fire hydrant and me?









Answer:



A fire hydrant is pissed on.



I'm pissed off.