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Magix 'n' Curses
..the argument continues

Monday, July 25, 2005

And it finally happens


Remember this post? :)

Dread


Lemme try this the James Bond way..

I'm scared.
Shit scared.

Inspite of all the inspirations for a blog that kept poppin' into my head over the last few days, I haven't dared to update my blog. And after all those comments in my doodle-board, you needn't be a rocket scientist to know why.

My whole life seems to hang on these 7 letters now..
Results.
(Fine.. technically it's 6 letters. But I'm in no mood for a kadi.)

I always get these results-around-the-corner symptoms. But this time around, it's been overwhelming. My academic degradation over the past few years is jus' about complete now, I guess.

Thoughts like "Why did I have to study well in school? Why did I have to raise my folks' expectations?" have started to fill my head. Ok, Matriculation and Anna University are completely different ball-games. It still doesn't explain how I've gone from good to bad to worse to worst. English needs an updation to plot my plummeting graph. Double Comparitive and Comparitive Superlative Comparitive words like worser and worsester (sounds like a county!) have to be used to get the true essence of my woeful downward spiral.

School's never managed to make me understand the term "exponential". College has managed to do it. Practically. Through my academic record. Exponentially downwards. In the third quadrant. Reverse bias condition-ku graph plot pannara maadhiri irukku. :( 83 to 69 in one semester. Sounds like an advertisement for a car's advanced braking feature.

My old friends pooh-pooh my fears. They say "ivalo build-up vittutu, kadaseela nalla mark vaanguvae da nee. Unna pathi theriyaadha, kedi!". They don't seem to understand that if I've done my exam well, I'd be more than glad to tell them just that. My new friends (Blogging does have its own perks!) are a lot more sympathetic but still don't get my quandary. Never failed in a biggie. The first time I actually failed was in a stupid class test in my first year.

An arrear in a sem exam? Hope it never happens. If it does, I've mentally prepared myself for it. What I'm really scared of, now, is my parents' reaction. But more than that, their disappointment. I really don't think I'd be able to take the guilt.


For once, I hope my old friends are right.

Well, my old friends weren't! Flunked in Electronic Circuits. The stupid subject with puzhu poochis that they call circuits!

Funnily enough, the first thing I did when I saw an F beside my mark was to grin. A pretty broad grin at that! There was a marquee running through my head saying "Take that guys! Now you know I wasn't joking!" The silly thought was short-lived though. I was jolted back to reality when I wondered how my mum would take it.

I wasn't able to delve into the thought much as I was flooded with messages and calls from friends asking me to check their results too. By the time I was thru with them all, I realised it'd been an hour and I still hadn't told my folks. My dad and sis weren't at home and I had to break it to my mom. And as anticipated, she took it pretty badly. That was pretty much the only thing I felt for. To have disappointed my folks.

There were other things that nullified this negative feeling I tried to bring upon myself pretty forcedly! Like Praveen's results. GRE and 6th sem.. renduliyume kalakeetaan! And another friend of mine who'd got the best girl student award in college. They were giving me reasons to be happy, and I'm grateful for that! And to Ferrari who told me he'd kept an arrear too! :D

Right now I have my friend and my mom telling me, "konjamaavadhu feel pannu da!" :)

Feel pannina mark kidaikka poradhillai. I might as well apply for re-eval and then see what can be done. Now I'll jus sit back and watch the condolence messages flow in! :) Bomb away, people!

Update:
Dad hasn't spoken to me about it yet. Why can't he jus' scold me instead of glare at me with disappointment in his eyes?
Sis is acting really funny trying to act casual about it.. giggling for stuff that wasn't even intended to be funny! hehe, sisters can be cute :)