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Magix 'n' Curses
..the argument continues

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Dread


Lemme try this the James Bond way..

I'm scared.
Shit scared.

Inspite of all the inspirations for a blog that kept poppin' into my head over the last few days, I haven't dared to update my blog. And after all those comments in my doodle-board, you needn't be a rocket scientist to know why.

My whole life seems to hang on these 7 letters now..
Results.
(Fine.. technically it's 6 letters. But I'm in no mood for a kadi.)

I always get these results-around-the-corner symptoms. But this time around, it's been overwhelming. My academic degradation over the past few years is jus' about complete now, I guess.

Thoughts like "Why did I have to study well in school? Why did I have to raise my folks' expectations?" have started to fill my head. Ok, Matriculation and Anna University are completely different ball-games. It still doesn't explain how I've gone from good to bad to worse to worst. English needs an updation to plot my plummeting graph. Double Comparitive and Comparitive Superlative Comparitive words like worser and worsester (sounds like a county!) have to be used to get the true essence of my woeful downward spiral.

School's never managed to make me understand the term "exponential". College has managed to do it. Practically. Through my academic record. Exponentially downwards. In the third quadrant. Reverse bias condition-ku graph plot pannara maadhiri irukku. :( 83 to 69 in one semester. Sounds like an advertisement for a car's advanced braking feature.

My old friends pooh-pooh my fears. They say "ivalo build-up vittutu, kadaseela nalla mark vaanguvae da nee. Unna pathi theriyaadha, kedi!". They don't seem to understand that if I've done my exam well, I'd be more than glad to tell them just that. My new friends (Blogging does have its own perks!) are a lot more sympathetic but still don't get my quandary. Never failed in a biggie. The first time I actually failed was in a stupid class test in my first year.

An arrear in a sem exam? Hope it never happens. If it does, I've mentally prepared myself for it. What I'm really scared of, now, is my parents' reaction. But more than that, their disappointment. I really don't think I'd be able to take the guilt.


For once, I hope my old friends are right.

PS:
I'm extremely sorry about this post. Wouldn't say I didn't mean to sound depressed.. I needed a vent. My apologies to all those I might've offended along the way. I'm pretty certain I have!
And btw, Ferrari, I really appreciate what you did. Thanks a million!